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#1 Sagacious

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Posted 12 June 2007 - 10:24 PM

Ok, so I am unsure if I should really even be upset by this....
We are paying for the wedding ourselves. Until recently, all of it.
FMIL insists on paying for the cake and half of the booze. H2B says. "no, we don't expect anything" ,FMIL still inists.
"thankyou, how lovely/kind/generous" we say.
Next thing I know, FMIL is telling us both to get FFIL (divorced) to put in for the OTHER Half of the booze (we are talking like $1000 total for booze tops here)
We don't want to ask, as he does not have the money. Also, apprently I now have to ask my folks (who have not a spare $) to cough up too.
So, being the humble people we are, we leave it all as is.

FSIL rings us tonight, as FMIL has asked FFIL to pay for other half of booze. FSIL screeches "How dare we, you know he can't afford it" blah blah. ohmy.gif
What???
I am sorry,i don't understand how does this concerns her? She has no idea how much any of it is costing, nor is it any of her business what we organise or who puts in for what!

Just a few years ago, when she got married, FFIL paid for ALL The food, her teeth to be redone (this is in the thousands) and bought her $200 shoes, the list goes on. All the while, smiling and saying that same is waiting for us down the track.

Don't get me wrong. I don't care if no one else puts in anything at all. We set out to do this on our own. The more people offer to put in and do, the more of a mess this thing is ending up.
I just feel so incredibly furious that she has the NERVE to call and abuse US about asking FFIL to put in money for the wedding!!!

(thanks for being patient, to make it more interesting....)

This woman gets EVERYTHING from her father, alsways has, always will. But the minute H2B needs anything (which he hasn't asked for!) its an issue!
She is also miffed cause she has no 'part' in the wedding. (hmm, can you see why?) dry.gif Perhaps she thinks sabotaging it is being involved?? mad.gif

I just don't get it. Worse still - everyone is afraid of her, becuase the minute you open your mouth to defend yourself apparently it makes it 1000 times worse!

So what do I do? Do I have the right to put my nose in & tell FSIL to back off? Do I ignore it? Do I just post this, and calm down & take a deep breath?

Sorry for the rant. Thanks for reading.
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#2 Full of faith

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Posted 12 June 2007 - 10:29 PM

Can H2B deal with her? Didn't you say FMIL asked FFIL to pay? So why is she blasting you? I really don't know what to advise but I feel for you. Maybe just step back and let that side of the family sort things out amongst themselves?
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#3 Sagacious

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Posted 12 June 2007 - 10:46 PM

That's what I don't understand! FMIL and FSIL seem to be making a mess of our wedding!
* update - FSIL was asked by FMIL to broach the subject with FFIL*
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#4 ladilafe

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Posted 12 June 2007 - 10:46 PM

Oh my Gosh! What a cow!!! I have no advice for you but my opinion? I think this is none of FSIL's business. Either you or H2B need to tell her to get lost.

good luck
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#5 *Michelle*

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Posted 13 June 2007 - 07:40 AM

Considering you werent relying on teh money anyway I would be ringing FFIL up and telling him you dont require any help and then ringing FMIL telling her FFIL is off the hook and so is she if she chooses to..

I would be embarrased that all this happening behind your backs.But now you know about it I would be approaching both FMIL and FFIL and telling them..FFIl shouldnt feel like he has to pay because teh dragon MIL told him to and I think he would appreciate hearing it from you guys instead of talking to her about it.
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#6 Swarles Barkley

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Posted 13 June 2007 - 09:42 AM

QUOTE(*Michelle* @ Jun 13 2007, 07:40 AM) View Post

Considering you werent relying on teh money anyway I would be ringing FFIL up and telling him you dont require any help and then ringing FMIL telling her FFIL is off the hook and so is she if she chooses to..


id do this too. oh and fsil is a nut, get h2b to tell her to back off
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#7 TEN

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Posted 13 June 2007 - 01:26 PM

OMG! What a totaly bee arch! I would be cracking it if I were you, but she sounds like a bit of a weird one, so maybe be careful!

Maybe FH should have a word to FMIL instead, and tell her the problems this is causing?

Feel free to vent all you want! You need it!

#8 dele

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 10:46 AM

QUOTE(*Michelle* @ Jun 13 2007, 07:40 AM) View Post
Considering you werent relying on teh money anyway I would be ringing FFIL up and telling him you dont require any help and then ringing FMIL telling her FFIL is off the hook and so is she if she chooses to..

I would be embarrased that all this happening behind your backs.But now you know about it I would be approaching both FMIL and FFIL and telling them..FFIl shouldnt feel like he has to pay because teh dragon MIL told him to and I think he would appreciate hearing it from you guys instead of talking to her about it.

I agree Michelle.

Also, I think that if anyone is going to confront FSIL, it should be your FH. It is his sister and she will get over an argument with her brother but if you do it she will probably hold a grudge forever.

#9 Swarles Barkley

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 10:59 AM

have you had a chat with them yet hon?
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#10 Sagacious

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Posted 14 June 2007 - 10:07 PM

Hi All biggrin.gif
Thanks for listening and the words of wisdom!

H2B hasn't said anything to FSIL yet. He did have a nice long deep & meaningful with his Mum today though. (ETA - mad.gif FMIL and her new hubby offered to pay for all the booze, and told FSIL, who cracked up at that too, so FMIL is on our side with this one in some strange way)
Its his Mum's birthday Sunday, so he doesn't want to rock the boat too much at the moment.

He may say a few words to his sister after the party Sunday as we are leaving - ie: back off!(gosh I hope so!) I feel if i step in it's just another can of worms.. rolleyes.gif

FH has also told me that he wants to try and keep things smooth till after the wedding (as much as possible) and then really give her a serve after the wedding. (will this work??)

We have also come to the agreement that if my parents dont want to/can't put in for the wedding, then we will speak to FMIL and say that perhaps she would like to keep her money? Or help us later with a house or towards a honeymoon etc??

There is another issue here that is not totally FMIL's fault. FFIL never has helped H2B and this is his big chance - and we think he is just being brainwashed into downplaying our wedding by princess FSIL cause she is a bit spoilt.(believe it or not this has happened to H2B heaps in the past) dry.gif

So will let you know when I ask my parents (sigh) this weekend. Stay tuned!

Thanks again ladies. You have really helped me to get through this! biggrin.gif
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#11 TEN

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Posted 15 June 2007 - 12:35 PM

Its good he said something to FMIL. At least she is on your side! I can see what he means with the leaving the 'having a go' at her til after the wedding - hopefully let you guys enjoy your time, then let loose tongue.gif

Good luck with it all!!!

#12 dele

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Posted 15 June 2007 - 12:53 PM

QUOTE(Nouveau Bride @ Jun 14 2007, 10:07 PM) View Post
FH has also told me that he wants to try and keep things smooth till after the wedding (as much as possible) and then really give her a serve after the wedding. (will this work??)

I can appreciate why your FH doesn't want to have a huge fight with his sister but I still think he should mention to her (in a nice way) that you both would rather she kept out of that side of things. I don't think it would be fair to "give her a serve" after the wedding but that is just me. If I were your FSIL I would rather be set straight now that have to think that there has been months of bitching going on behind my back. JMO...

Also, if you don't mention it to her now, where is she going to draw the line? Is she going to keep stirring up trouble?

It is a tough one but I wouldn't want to be worrying about what she is going to do next (or on the actual day mad.gif ).

Good Luck

#13 Sagacious

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Posted 15 June 2007 - 10:16 PM

FH emailed FSIL today to cast a line for a 'big fish; -
he said that FMIL and her hubby had put in for half the wedding and half a honeymoon to Europe, how nice & generous etc.
(Just to see if the damage was being caused by her or FFIL)
WELL - she took the bait and rang FMIL to have a big whinge. Luckily FMIL gathered what was going on and played along with the story to see how she would react. FSIL hit the roof! laugh.gif laugh.gif how do you spell gullible!?

I have no idea why she is begrudging her brother a nice wedding?!? Why is this upsetting her so much?

FMIL and FH were laughing about it this evening. How could she believe such a tall story??
Will update when the confrontation hits on Sunday, that is, if FSIL doesn't stay home and sook.
Hopefully she will see sense and that she is just behaving like a child..

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#14 Sagacious

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Posted 20 June 2007 - 08:51 PM

*BUMP*
So, the latest is that now FH's brother in law (hubby of FSIL) has now pulled out of being a groomsman.
FSIL got a really big talking to from FH - to TRY to make her see the light and understand that she is just being silly.
Now FSIL thinks we are "playing on her insecurities" (WTF?) and neither the ex-groomsman or FSIL are talking to us. wacko.gif
.. yeah, like this is OUR fault! ARGH!

So, do you still think we should give them an invite to the wedding to be hospitable?

Honestly this whole debarcle has made me want to elope. dry.gif

Not sure if anyone out there can give me any more advice, but for now i think i will just leave it and get on with the planning.
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#15 **Aida**

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Posted 21 June 2007 - 11:08 PM

Wow sounds like you've had a lot to deal with poor girl!! Weddings can bring out the absolute worst in people I'll never understand why it should be a happy exciting time. huh.gif

Anyway, I really think you should send FSIL and hubby an invite to the wedding, I wouldn't necessarily want them there if I was you but I'm sure it you would never hear the end of it if you didn't she sounds like a manipulative SPOILT BRAT, so I can only imagine the trouble she would cause if she was left out.

Show you're the bigger person, send the invite and leave it up to them, she is the one who will look like a bee-atch if she doesn't show.

Man she needs someone to slap her round and tell her to GROW UP!! How dare she spoil your time! dry.gif


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