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#1 cocobean

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Posted 09 June 2007 - 02:36 PM

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#2 **Aida**

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Posted 09 June 2007 - 09:58 PM

Yep we are in the same boat cocobeans, long story short we had to change EVERYTHING for the inlaws, the date didn't suit them, the location didn't suit (we were going to Hamilton Island), and she has been adding people to the guest list that I have never even met and H2B never sees, we ahd a big argument and ended up changing it all, and since then she has been so uninterested in the whole thing.

It frustrates me so much because it is the 1st wedding in their family and they don't seem to give a s#%* about it, never asks how it is going and I have gotten sick of trying to tell her and pretty much being ignored. I think all you can do is know that you did everything possible to include them, they can never complain about that, I don't know how comfortable you are with MIL but can you possibly approach her and ask if you have upset her somehow?

As for the speeches - WHAT! I have never heard of the grooms father not giving a speech, welcoming the bride to the family etc, I would be insisting on this myself as I think that it's quite rude for him to say nothing.
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#3 Keir

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Posted 09 June 2007 - 10:28 PM

I can honestly say that my FILs have never asked us a single thing about the wedding that didn't concern them (ie where will they stay; what will they wear).

I feel your pain.

#4 Puggie

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Posted 10 June 2007 - 09:37 AM

QUOTE(*azaria* @ Jun 9 2007, 09:58 PM) View Post

As for the speeches - WHAT! I have never heard of the grooms father not giving a speech, welcoming the bride to the family etc, I would be insisting on this myself as I think that it's quite rude for him to say nothing.

Traditionally, azaria, speeches are given by the Father of the Bride, the bestman and the groom. These days it is much more common for a bride/bridesmaid/father of the groom to also speak, but this is not according to tradition. It might be that Coco's parents in law are of a more traditional bent, in which case I can certainly understand why he would not be wanting to speak.

My in-laws were OK. Hubby's mum didn't ask too many questions (especially when my sister in law was around) but showed an interest, none the less. I think she was unsure of how involved she was meant to be...

#5 **Aida**

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Posted 10 June 2007 - 10:03 AM

[quote name='Puggie' date='Jun 10 2007, 10:37 AM' post='1716243']
Traditionally, azaria, speeches are given by the Father of the Bride, the bestman and the groom. These days it is much more common for a bride/bridesmaid/father of the groom to also speak, but this is not according to tradition. It might be that Coco's parents in law are of a more traditional bent, in which case I can certainly understand why he would not be wanting to speak.

Oh whoops all the weddings I have been to he has given a speech so I thought it was expected, I take it back smile.gif

Oh and I think that may be the case with my MIL too, that she's not sure how involved to be, as she is afraid of upsetting me over the wedding again, I hadn't thought of it that way till now but it does make sense biggrin.gif
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#6 Mooze

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Posted 10 June 2007 - 11:06 AM

Neither lot of parents have shown interest in ours. Inlaws have been better than mine (they simply wanted to know when they had to be there and what to wear - 1st wedding in our family as well), MIL has offerred to do any sewing if needed but is a bit blase about details (1st wedding in their family too that they've been allowed to (FH's SIL didn't allow any family at her wedding!))

#7 cocobean

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Posted 10 June 2007 - 01:11 PM

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#8 *Dan*

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Posted 11 June 2007 - 01:44 PM

My Future In Laws couldn't care less and it's easier for us this way. When we told them of our wedding location, they made an assumption that we must be having a huge wedding (I'm sure the fact that I am Italian also led them to this conclusion). They told us we were crazy for spending money on a wedding. We were really disappointed with how they reacted, and they haven't asked us anything about it since.
His Mum voices her disapproval of everything we do - she doesn't understand why we are spending money on a wedding, didn't understand why we bought a house, and didn't understand why we bought our first investment property, and why we haven't had kids yet (we have been together 9 years, but always wanted to be married first) blink.gif
So Cocoa Beans I completely understand. In laws can be sooooooo hard.
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#9 laurenmc

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Posted 11 June 2007 - 03:34 PM

My PIL's didn't even care, and it really upset me, my FIL didn't even bother coming to the wedding (he is a selfish a$$).
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#10 beachgurl

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Posted 11 June 2007 - 08:33 PM

My in-laws never really asked any questions or seemed to be interested in our plans. I expected that MIL would put her two cents in about everything. I eventually found out that their wedding was nearly ruined by my MILs parents telling her how to have her wedding and in the end she had no input into her own wedding day. She said that she would never do that to us and I guess went to the opposite extreme of not really asking about things at all so she would speak out of turn.

#11 Swarles Barkley

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Posted 11 June 2007 - 09:07 PM

mine say that they dont want to be pushy when we first got engaged. but they have been the opposite actually. my mil has pushed me til i broke down and they had to be told to butt out!

i feel for you though
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#12 Dreams

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Posted 12 June 2007 - 08:31 AM

Mine have not been interested from the start, we have been engages for nearly 18 months and last week was the first time they asked about the wedding plans, even though we took them to the venue, tried to include them. We asked them nearly 12 months ago to think about people they would like to invite-still havent, we have reminded them, but nothing.

So now I am going to do what we want, if they want to know they can ask!

Hang in there
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#13 chelley

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Posted 12 June 2007 - 06:51 PM

My inlaws were so unenthusiastic about the wedding it was ridiculous - all because they were so concerned about money -mind you my parents were paying for everything.

They never asked about the wedding unless I raised an issue and I am sure they felt I was a complete bridezilla. RSVPing was a MAJOR issue for my kitchen tea it was beyond a joke.

FIL refused to do a speech at the wedding and wouldn't have his photo taken of me. He also didn't wear a suit on the day - mortified doesn't even come close.

The worst part was that even though he didn't express it the worst person hurt was hubby.

Made me thankful for my own parents
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#14 Puggie

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Posted 12 June 2007 - 06:53 PM

QUOTE(chelley @ Jun 12 2007, 06:51 PM) View Post

FIL refused to do a speech at the wedding and wouldn't have his photo taken of me. He also didn't wear a suit on the day - mortified doesn't even come close.

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#15 Married Now

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Posted 12 June 2007 - 07:35 PM

Hi

My fiance and I are running with the policy that you can not keep all the people happy all of the time.

As long as with are both happy with our choices family can come in second as their is bound to be atleast one that does not like agree etc.

My mother has not been excited happy etc since we became engaged over a year ago, and can not see the point in getting married going to all the expense etc.

We recently set a date (about a week ago) and well we wish we never had told his mother until after we had picked and planned everything we wanted and she could then have no input.

So far we have been informed that she is making the cake NOT as it would be what she wanted not our ideas.

We should cancel the celebrant that we have already booked, and been told that we should use the pastor from the family church as he also does civil weddings. I was told how he has know my fiance since he was born, and who he tells jokes some of which she finds offensive - WHY would I choose him I could not think of anything worse. Then went on to tell as that we really should think about this (do what she says) my reply was WE have and WE have made a decision

I think I may take a break from visits for awhile as I think she is going to drive me mad, however my fiance has come up with a great way of getting her back in her box if required the word elope.
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