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#1 kezza

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Posted 07 May 2007 - 07:22 PM

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hi
this is very long and me rambling so sorry in advance

just thought i would get this off my chest cos its driving me insane....

i thought it would be nice to ask my sister to be my maid of honour for our wedding even tho in the past we havnt met eye to eye with things and plus my mum said that i should ask her. anyway to get to the point i planned to go and pick out dresses with all my bridesmaids sat just gone and they were all up to it wich i was happy with... had to do it on a sat cos i work all through the week but my mum and my sister decided to go dress shopping without me on the thursday before ringing me saying i found the dress i want and i dont care if it doesnt look any good on the other girls cos im the maid of honor and i can wear whatever dress i want this realy annoyed me so i said i want all you girls wearing the same dress and colour so she went off her head i just ignored it what elce could i do?

anyway saturday comes along and my mum taged along as well the first dress my sister picks out may have well have been a wedding dress but it was a dark red i hated it but her and my mum were like oh i realy like that you should buy that i said i dont want them to look like they are getting married so it started.....

my other bridesmaids were fine with whateer i chose for them to were except my sister this went on all day and i found the dresses that i wanted and nobody had any problems with them as far as i knew... so we were looking at other things and my mum and sster are telling me what i can and cant do at my wedding so i turned around and said its my wedding im paying for it i will do what i want that didnt go down very well so they didnt speak to me on the way home...

later on that night finally away from them i went to a friends house and my mum and my sister were just there bithching about how im not inviting certain people to our wedding and that i was very rude for not doing it even tho i dont know the people they want there and saying how they are going to embarress me on my day and that the dresses i chose werent the ones that they wanted and i was a bitch for not letting her have the one she chose...

what should i do they are putting me to the point that i just dont want to do it anymore like why should i get married and spend a heap of money if they are just planning on stuffing it all up on me im so frustrated why cant they just be helpfull they put me in tears every time i think about wedding stuff and i dont want to feel that way any advise


sorry this was sooooo long and probably confusing


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#2 ladilafe

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Posted 07 May 2007 - 07:49 PM

I am so sorry to hear you are having such trouble with your mum and sister. They should be giving you all the support you need at the moment, instead of making things harder for you.

It is your wedding, you are paying for it, so you should have the right to decide what dresses to get and who to invite.

I have no advice, but I totally sympathize with you.

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#3 indigo

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Posted 07 May 2007 - 07:56 PM

I'm sorry to get personal, but why is your mother so close to your sister? It sounds as if she is unconditionally going to side with your sister rather than with you? Is this normal or unique to the wedding? I only ask because it seems weird that a mother would talk about a daughter like that to friends.

As for the rest of your problem, yes it's your wedding. You have every right to have the wedding you choose to have. If they have a problem with it, it's best to approach them both and be the bigger person: say that you only want the day to reflect your tastes. Nothing is meant to offend anyone else, but in the interests of keeping everyone contented, you hope that they will come directly to you if they have any problems. Let it be known that you don't want any hassles. Once you've made that known, if they continue to bi@ch, then tell the sister that you're disappointed that she couldn't be more mature and communicate, perhaps it would be more comfortable for her to be removed from the stress of being MIL.

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#4 chelley

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Posted 07 May 2007 - 08:01 PM

I think gayle has given you good advice. I would address your sister and explain that while you would like her to be part of your day being a bridesmaid is a privelege and if she can't make life easier then perhaps she doesn't need to be part of the bridal party.

I am assuming that she is not married and has never had to go through this herself.

As for your mum, is this how she usually treats you. Anyone who was planning to ruin my day wouldn't be getting an invite.

Discuss the situation with H2B. This is yours and his day and you should not be in tears over your mother and sister. Get hubby to go with you to talk to them if you feel they gang up on you.
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#5 choc-chip

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Posted 07 May 2007 - 08:16 PM

I'm sorry you're having such an awful time of it sad.gif
I think sometimes BM's & MOH's (some of them) get so excited about being the centre of attention they forget that actually they're extra's.
It must be even harder with your mum encouraging her.
You are totally within your rights to have whatever you choose.
I hope you can get it sorted out.
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#6 kezza

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Posted 07 May 2007 - 08:48 PM

my mum and i have never realy gotten along i was allways compared to my sister and left behind im glad i have my dad to support my choices tho if he wasnt there i dont know what i would do...

no my sister has never been married she is older than me but i think she is jelouse of my relationshio a guy once asked her to marry him a week after they were together so she went out the next week and bought a dress its still in the cupbord and she has a 4 year old child she is a very aggressive person..

my h2b is away atm wich makes it even harder because i cant contact him because of his work so i have nobody to talk to about it wich makes it even harder...

my mum is also getting married for the second time to a guy she hasnt been with for long and i think she resents me because we are getting married before her i dont know sad.gif
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#7 CastlemaineGal

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Posted 07 May 2007 - 09:28 PM

WOW! Aren't Families strange sometimes.

I was Bridesmaid for a very good friend in February and she had an almost identical problem, although she's the oldest and her sister is the "baby" of the family. She actually ended up having a talk to her sister (with H2B present) and mother (they're never apart) and telling them how it is... Her sister took it very badly and "resigned" from the Bridal Party. Was the best thing she ever did... we had such a ball... without the stress of her sister.

There is enough stress planning a wedding without this extra crap! It's YOUR wedding... YOU ARE paying for it and you deserve to have every detail the way YOU want it!!!
Seriously... If they're planning to embarrass you at YOUR wedding... the only people they'll make a fool of is themselves, and people will see them for who they really are!

My Friends sister made this big deal about the dress she was wearing to the wedding, she wasn't in the wedding party but she was "sure as hell going to be the best dressed there"... she was the joke of the party.... quite sad really. She was so overdressed it wasn't funny. But the Mother took more photos of the overdressed daughter than the actual Bride. People were quite shocked and their true colours really stood out! But we had "our" bride so relaxed and pampered for the day she didn't give a toss and didn't even notice! She had the best day of her life! And so she should!

I think it's rude that your sister is acting like this, it really doesn't sound like she cares that much, and if she's not going to follow the brides "orders" she shouldn't be involved.

#8 Swarles Barkley

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Posted 08 May 2007 - 08:22 AM

oh honey, im sorry your in this situation.

my complete honesty, tell your sister that you have changed your mind (you are the bride, you can do this) and tell her that she either picks up her act or shes out of the bridal party.

just another point, and i dont mean to offend, but if shes likethis now, what will she be like on your wedding day?
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#9 TEN

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Posted 08 May 2007 - 12:27 PM

I can't believe they are acting like this! They should be supporting you, this should be one of the happiest times of your life.

I agree with the other girls, and agree with what Candice said - tell her to act like a sister and MOH, or don't be part of it at all. Its not her wedding (is she jealous much? - sure seems like it!)

Good luck with it, keep us posted smile.gif

#10 divi

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Posted 08 May 2007 - 12:35 PM


Sounds tough.

I would consider asking your sister to stand dowwn as MOH. She is already making things difficult now, how difficult will she be making things closer to the wedding and on the actual day.

I think you need to elimate all the stress and your mum and your sister are the stressors.

Do you live with your mum & your sister?? because if you do the above could be very difficult.

Good Luck, but I really feel you need to eliminate your sister from the Bridal Party..

#11 kezza

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Posted 08 May 2007 - 07:24 PM

divi

no i left home when i was 16 couldnt stand them anymore atm my sister is trying to make me feel bad cos im not going with the blue dress she wanted but i told her its red or nothing and she hasnt spoken to me since lol...

my problem is im afraid of them so i buckle under pressure especially when h2b isnt around he is home in 4 days so hopefully it will get a bbit better

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#12 April A

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Posted 08 May 2007 - 08:10 PM

Oh Kezza you poor thing! (hugs)

I agree with the advice already given. Its your wedding day and its meant to be the happiest day of your life. Your mum and sister need to smarten up! If you need to, wait for hubby to come back from his trip, and together approach them. It certainly sounds like a case of the two-headed-green-eyed monster.

good luck chicky and hang in there smile.gif

#13 divi

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Posted 09 May 2007 - 02:13 PM

QUOTE(kezza @ May 8 2007, 07:24 PM) View Post

divi

no i left home when i was 16 couldnt stand them anymore atm my sister is trying to make me feel bad cos im not going with the blue dress she wanted but i told her its red or nothing and she hasnt spoken to me since lol...

my problem is im afraid of them so i buckle under pressure especially when h2b isnt around he is home in 4 days so hopefully it will get a bbit better


Kezza,

You sound like me. I have as little as possible to do with my mum and sister becuase if we are all together I become the target and the butt of their jokes and nasty comments.

My H2b will not leave me alone with my mother at all, as he has seen her behave terribly towards me. As for my sister she has a nasty streak and is very manipulative, which i beleive is to do with insecurity. Neither of them are involved with our wedding as my H2B says it is a privlige to be involved not a right even if you are family...

Maybe try to avoid them as much as possible to your H2b returns.

Let us know how it all pans out.

#14 Indah

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Posted 16 May 2007 - 09:13 PM

QUOTE(april_candice @ May 8 2007, 06:22 AM) View Post

oh honey, im sorry your in this situation.

my complete honesty, tell your sister that you have changed your mind (you are the bride, you can do this) and tell her that she either picks up her act or shes out of the bridal party.

just another point, and i dont mean to offend, but if shes likethis now, what will she be like on your wedding day?


I agree 100%

Sending you lots and lots of hugs xxx



#15 pinkbutterfly

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Posted 16 May 2007 - 09:42 PM

I dont think you are being unreasonable at all! It is your day and you are payign for all their dresses, so even if they dont like it at all and wouldnt even contemplate wearing it again, then too bad as you are paying for it and they wont be out of pocket.

Sounds like you never really wanted your sister to be such a special part of the day. Does she have to be maid of honour? Cant she just be one of theBMs and you appoint another one MOH?

Anyway, I'd sit both her and your mum down and explain that its YOUR day and YOUR chequebook and if they dont like your choices, then they need not be involved any further.
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