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Help...FMIL driving me nuts!!!


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#1 Wellsie

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 09:26 AM

OK, so last night after putting it off for weeks H2B finally called his Mum to get the last couple of addresses we were missing for our invitations. For months now, FMIL has been fighting with her family over what I would consider a trivial matter basically involving who one of her brothers is dating.

Anyway she told H2B that we are not allowed to invite any of her brothers and their families because she doesn't want this particular brother and girlfriend to come. I think this is ridiculous especially as one of the families has a young girl who has been extremely excited about coming since we announced our engagement. She is supposed to hand out the OOS booklets and usher at the ceremony...we promised her sad.gif

H2B and I knew that FMIL might say something like this as she had said the same thing at Christmas, so we had come up with ideas to get around it. First we would invite all the brothers and their families but for the shunned brother we would just invite him & daughters, no girlfriend. Then if he puts her name on the RSVP we would just ring and say we don't have enough room for her or something...he'd have to be pretty stupid to do this knowing how FMIL feels about the situation. In fact H2B and I are almost 100% sure he would deline the invite anyway.

So basically we want to invite all our relatives to celebrate our special day but FMIL doesn't. FYI my Mum doesn't get along with one of my Aunties but she's still getting an invite...not that it matters as again we're 100% sure she can't come wink.gif

So, should we go against FMIL's wishes and just invite everyone or do what she wants?

One more thing, H2B is worried that if they do all come they will be loud and abnoxious at the wedding and make people feel uncomfortable. However he doesn't want to be rude and not invite them. Grrrr why do families make things so hard??? mad.gif

Sorry for rambling unsure.gif
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#2 tianakaesha

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 09:35 AM

Invite them. It's your wedding. You do what you want!
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#3 JuicyLife

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 09:35 AM

Hi Wellsie

I really think that as the invites are coming from you and H2B, you’re designing them, writing them and sending them out and its your wedding, you can invite whomever you choose. No one should be able to make decisions about this except you and H2B - others can give advice (when requested, hopefully) - but only you and your H2B should have the power to make decisions about who it invited to your wedding and who isn’t. You FMIL has had her wedding day and was able to choose who to invite to that, now it’s your turn. What does she think gives her the right to make decisions for you?

Having said all that, I do sympathise, it’s not going to be easy for you handle this one.

Best of luck,

Alison
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#4 rosi81

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 09:51 AM

I know exactly how you feel, I'm in the same predicament. Me & FH just bit the bullet and invited who we wanted, knowing very well what my parents thought of it all. As you said, they may not come, but you've extended the invitation out of courtesy.

Do it, don't be afraid. It's one day in your lives, FMIL will get over it.

#5 scary_girl

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 09:54 AM

You should definitely invite them. Your FMIL will get over it. It is your day, don't let other people push you around.

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#6 dele

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 12:41 PM

QUOTE(tianakaesha @ May 3 2007, 09:35 AM) View Post

Invite them. It's your wedding. You do what you want!

EXACTLY!!!

If you want to invite them then do it!

We were in a similar situation and it all worked out in the end.

Good luck with it all.

#7 Wellsie

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 04:05 PM

Hi girls, thanks so much for your opinions!

Well we've decided to do what you've all told me! We had a chat at lunch and decided that yes it is our wedding and we should be able to invite who we want tongue.gif

So tonight H2B has the fun job of telling FMIL unsure.gif Now we have to find other means of getting their addresses...she wouldn't even give us that info! Oh well, just have to call around to other family members!

Thanks again...feeling much more confident now biggrin.gif
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#8 TEN

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 05:11 PM

I'm with the other girls!

Let us know how it goes when he tells her! Good luck!

#9 scary_girl

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 05:19 PM

Excellent to hear - let us know how it all works out.

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#10 SnowMouse

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 06:30 PM

Well done Wellsie. I think you're making the right decision. It's your day, not her party. smile.gif

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#11 Wellsie

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Posted 04 May 2007 - 09:42 AM

Well H2B spoke to FMIL last night and we were pleasantly surprised...H2B told her our decision and she actually supported it and was going to say the same thing! blink.gif

So it's official, we're inviting every family member and just leaving the GF's name off the shunned brother's invite. If he actually accepts (very doubtful) then FMIL can deal with it tongue.gif

She did throw in things like "if it comes down to it you'll have to choose between me and my family"...grrrr mad.gif Anyway, I just feel sorry for FFIL, he's the one who has to put up with her whinging all the time ph34r.gif laugh.gif

Thanks again for all your help girls! biggrin.gif Feels like a big weight has been lifted off my chest smile.gif
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#12 WhiteBlossoms

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Posted 04 May 2007 - 10:33 AM

oh hun - i just read this!

AGH - you poor thing, but i am so glad that it has all been worked out now smile.gif

On with the rest of the planning! Not long to go now! laugh.gif

#13 Valleygirl

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Posted 04 May 2007 - 10:17 PM

I hope it all goes smoothly for you Wellsie, you don't need the extra stress. smile.gif


I am kind of expecting my FMIL to do something similar....deciding that she won't go because her ex-husband and his partner will both be there.
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#14 Ld2410

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Posted 04 May 2007 - 11:57 PM

QUOTE(tianakaesha @ May 3 2007, 09:35 AM) View Post

Invite them. It's your wedding. You do what you want!

This was what I was going to reply with.

At the end of the day, it's your day and no one elses. You need to invite who you want. Seat them at opersite ends of the room if need be.


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#15 court

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Posted 05 May 2007 - 02:21 PM

Good to hear it turned out okay in the end Wellsie!
Hope they're not loud and obnoxious like your h2b thinks they might be - eeek, might have to sit them at the back!




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