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SIL Bridesmaid woes- the next chapter


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#1 Elisha

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Posted 22 April 2007 - 01:28 PM

Well if you have read my other post 'SIL bridesmaid woes' you would know that i am quite upset with my future SIL as she did not include me in her wedding but that is not the major issue this time.
She also did not include my 3 yr old son, who is her nephew (the only one old enough to be apage boy), instead she asked her godson who has only just turned 1.

Last night we were at a mutual function & she came up to me & said:
" you know how X (my son) was going to be our page boy"
to which I said:
"well you never said he was you wanted Y (the godson)"
she said: "well we do want X (my son) so we've decided that we will pay for everything so you dont have to pay for anything" and then she walked away

Now she never told me she wanted my son as part of the wedding, it was always the godson. When we got home I asked H2B if his sister had asked him anything about our son being in the wedding & he replied she has said nothing, I then told him that what she had said.

I later found out that she only asked him cos the godsons parents have decided that they cant have him be page boy as it would be too hard to look after him (they are both in the bridal party) so he is not goin 2 be page boy, and they think he is 2 young.

Here's my dillemma:
-I am very angry that she did not ask if my son could be part of the wedding, she just asssumed that he could be page boy
-Even though in my last post I was upset that she hadnt included him now i am just upset that she has now only asked him as godson has pulled out. I would have thought she would ask her nephew before her godson.
- My H2B have also decided that he is our son & as we are getting married we would like him to be in our wedding b4 anyone else's

I need advice, I really feel strongly about this, but I want to know what you would do?
Would you allow your son to be part of the wedding? How do I tell her the truth without seeming horrible?
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#2 April A

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Posted 22 April 2007 - 02:49 PM

Hi Elisha

i've just read part one of SIL bridesmaid woes... You poor thing!! I know how frustrating it must be for you... (I have this kind of relationship with my oldest sister)

I personally think that your three little ones are too young to attend the wedding regardless of their roles, and by saying this to your SIL you'll never have to mention the real reasons why you don't want your son to be a part of the bridal party. Hire a babysitter for the night and enjoy the free meal and alcohol with your hubby2be.

I think its important to try to be civil and pleasant with your SIL (you don't have to like her) for the sake of your H2be and for the rest of his family because creating/facilitating tension isn't really going to acheive anything. If you don't want to talk about their wedding then don't. Try to avoid having to spend time with her where possible. As harsh as this may sound, I think if you can say to yourself out aloud that you don't like her as a person and then accept that she probably feels the same way about you to, it might make things a bit easier for yourself. As the saying goes... you can't choose your family.

best of luck with it all smile.gif

#3 Samsara

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Posted 23 April 2007 - 12:20 PM

If SIL had been upfront with me from the beginning, I would be ok to let my son participate but now, after the way she has handled it, I won't let my son participate.

I agree with April Alli, just let her know that you think your son is too young to be part of the bridal party. So, thanks but no thanks.


#4 Renee`

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Posted 23 April 2007 - 12:31 PM

To me, if you want me to be honest, I think you are still reeling from the fact you are not included in the wedding, I really think that.

I think your SIL cannot win which way she goes. And I think you would be the only one thinking that your son was chosen second as opposed to "Oh now she can have my son" I think it is nice that she has now chosen your son, and due to you and her having a rocky relationship is probably the reason she didn't approach you as soft when speaking to you about having your son in her wedding.

Just take a few steps back from this whole wedding before you make a choice.
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#5 dele

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Posted 03 May 2007 - 12:54 PM

QUOTE(Renee` @ Apr 23 2007, 12:31 PM) View Post

To me, if you want me to be honest, I think you are still reeling from the fact you are not included in the wedding, I really think that.

I think your SIL cannot win which way she goes. And I think you would be the only one thinking that your son was chosen second as opposed to "Oh now she can have my son" I think it is nice that she has now chosen your son, and due to you and her having a rocky relationship is probably the reason she didn't approach you as soft when speaking to you about having your son in her wedding.

Just take a few steps back from this whole wedding before you make a choice.


I couldn't have said it better myself Renee!!!

Elisha, this is a really tough decision to make. Personally, if I had been so upset about my son not being chosen as he was the only nephew and he was then chosen (regardless of circumstance) I would be happy for my son to be a part of the wedding. However you have said that you don't want your son to be in any weddings before your own yet you are offended that your son was not chosen? Maybe I am just getting myself confused. unsure.gif

I can appreciate why you weren't chosen (even though SIL should not have told people that she was having you as a BM) but honestly, if you are not that close to her would you really want to be her BM? Would you want her being your BM? For me personally, I would not. If my SIL was nasty to me in general I wouldn't want her ruining my day.

Just some food for thought...






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