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Need help filing for divorce


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#1 wanttobefreeagain

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 09:15 AM

I spoke to my husband today because I want a divorce. Things are not working out, he has hit me a few times now and is just a huge slob and I don't want to be with him any more, it is like living with a lazy eight year old. I told him I want a divorce about 30 minutes ago, and he won't help me, he screamed at me and slammed a door in my face and when I asked him why he wouldn't cooperate he said it was because I am better than that and he doesn't want to let me go.

I explained to him that it wasn't his choice and he accused me of not making an effort in the relationship, to which I replied that that was because I didn't want to be in this relationship any more. I asked him to help with finding the information and signing th papers and he hurled abuse at me, told me to do it by myself and that he wouldn't help, and then threatened me, saying he is friends with a good lawyer and that if I want to make it ugly he would take me for everything sad.gif

I just want out. I have better things to do with my life than chase somebody around who is just not a nice person to me. I thought that was a pretty brazen comment considering that I still have marks from when he threw me across the floor two weeks ago over an argument because he wouldn't get off the computer and make an effort to spend time with me and help clean up around the house.

I am so over it. Where can I get a copy of all of the papers I need to make this end? I could probably get him to sign them when he realises I am not just talking about it this time.

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#2 tianakaesha

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 09:27 AM

If he touches you again, threatens you, hurts you... call the police and put an intervention order out on him and get him to move out...

Document any evidence of spousal abuse - and keep it somewhere off site (ie:at work)... This can help with your divorce settlement - if he's harmed you in anyway the courts will look down on this..
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#3 mish

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 10:21 AM

You need to be separated for 12 months before you can apply for a divorce, so work on the separation part first and the divorce part later. There's some useful information on both separation and divorce here http://www.familycou...ml/divorce.html
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#4 Lonny

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 10:30 AM

QUOTE(mish @ Apr 21 2007, 10:21 AM) View Post

You need to be separated for 12 months before you can apply for a divorce, so work on the separation part first and the divorce part later. There's some useful information on both separation and divorce here http://www.familycou...ml/divorce.html


I was going to say the same thing, my parents are finalising their divorce now after being apart for a little over a year.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but if you ever need to chat my pm box is always open. xx

#5 Kaz

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 10:44 AM

I have no idea sorry sad.gif but just wanted to send you BIG (((HUGS))) and say that it sounds like you are doing the right thing smile.gif. We're all here for you smile.gif
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#6 invisible

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 10:51 AM

I'm sorry that you are going through this.

The girls have given you some great links that explain alot about divorce proceedings and how to get started. Please keep a record, diary, photos etc. of the violence as this can and will help you in the divorce and settlement. You can also contact the police and seek an intervention order which can give police the power to remove your husband from the family home.

It takes so much courage to leave this type of situation and I commend you for that. It is a hard road but it does get easier and your life WILL get better.

My PM box is always open if you feel up to a chat.

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#7 Ariannan

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 10:51 AM

I feel so sorry for what you are having to go through. I really admire your strength and courage. You deserve so much more than this. Good luck with everything and don't forget we're all here for you if you ever need to talk...
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#8 Amelia Jane

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 10:52 AM

I was also going to say about being separated for the 12 months and 1 day. If he's violent and being difficult about this it might be best for your own safety to get this organised ASAP before you start focusing on the divorce.

My dad went to something that he called 'divorce school' which I think was basically a group of people going through the process together and I think learning about the legal side of things etc. I think it was run through Relationships Australia, so you could maybe give them a call or if you like I can ask him for more details.

Maybe see a lawyer, too.
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#9 LittleTraveller

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 01:41 PM

I dont know how you go about getting a divorce but just wanted to offer my support, i hope youre ok because this must be a really tough time for you.

Please though, if hes been physically abusive, leave as soon as you can, even if its to stay with a friend or family, cause thats just not on.

Really hope youre ok, keep us updated on how your go with everything.
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#10 g0newiththewind

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 02:23 PM

QUOTE(Piperdee @ Apr 21 2007, 10:52 AM) View Post

I was also going to say about being separated for the 12 months and 1 day.


I was going to post about the 1 day as well - don't forget about it because I trotted off to the court to lodge the papers on the 12 months anniversary and was told nope sorry you have to wait until tomorrow. I think I cried at the counter and I said I'll just amend the date but she wouldn't have it.

I divorced an abusive husband as well - PM me if you'd like to talk.
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#11 MrsJo

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 07:58 PM

Hugs for you, what an awful situation to be in, and I personally have the stance that there is no point staying in a violent marriage, that is wrong on so many levels, so good for you for having the courage to leave.

You don't need his help to do this, in fact in time you will realise you don't need his help, and never did, to do anything. You are in charge of your life and you are more than capable of doing everything required. If you have no money personally, or even if you do, you can go straight to Legal Aid, they have free consults between certain times during the day, and someone there will help you through the whole process. He doesn't have to cooperate at this stage, but you do need legal advice to help you through the techinical side in my opinion.

I am not sure if you have to file the date of the seperation or any kind of intention to divorce at this stage to make the seperation date offical, so might need to look into that.

First things first is you need him out of the house, or you out of the house, so work on that. If he didn't want to lose you he would have behaved better towards you and would never have hit you in the first place. Hitters generally put up a huge display in order to suck you back in, lots of apologies and presents or begging etc. So be aware that you can expect a lot of that, so best to just go, walk away and not look back, don't hang around for the fuss he will start. If he won't leave, then you have to commit to the process if this is what you want and just walk out, get your things and go, worry about the details of settlements with finances etc in the legal process with your lawyer.

Huge hugs for you, thinking of you. You will be fine, you seem very strong and sure that this is the right decision, so go with that, get some legal advice, they will help you work through the process and you will get your freedom. But first you have to stand up and take the first step: either he leaves or you leave. But if he won't go, don't make a scene, just pick up and go yourself and claim your freedom.

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#12 Jo!

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Posted 01 September 2007 - 03:09 PM

QUOTE(Belladoah @ Apr 21 2007, 07:58 PM) View Post

Hugs for you, what an awful situation to be in, and I personally have the stance that there is no point staying in a violent marriage, that is wrong on so many levels, so good for you for having the courage to leave.

You don't need his help to do this, in fact in time you will realise you don't need his help, and never did, to do anything. You are in charge of your life and you are more than capable of doing everything required. If you have no money personally, or even if you do, you can go straight to Legal Aid, they have free consults between certain times during the day, and someone there will help you through the whole process. He doesn't have to cooperate at this stage, but you do need legal advice to help you through the techinical side in my opinion.

I am not sure if you have to file the date of the seperation or any kind of intention to divorce at this stage to make the seperation date offical, so might need to look into that.

First things first is you need him out of the house, or you out of the house, so work on that. If he didn't want to lose you he would have behaved better towards you and would never have hit you in the first place. Hitters generally put up a huge display in order to suck you back in, lots of apologies and presents or begging etc. So be aware that you can expect a lot of that, so best to just go, walk away and not look back, don't hang around for the fuss he will start. If he won't leave, then you have to commit to the process if this is what you want and just walk out, get your things and go, worry about the details of settlements with finances etc in the legal process with your lawyer.

Huge hugs for you, thinking of you. You will be fine, you seem very strong and sure that this is the right decision, so go with that, get some legal advice, they will help you work through the process and you will get your freedom. But first you have to stand up and take the first step: either he leaves or you leave. But if he won't go, don't make a scene, just pick up and go yourself and claim your freedom.


^^^^^^^ exactly what Belladoah said!!!

You have already taken the BRAVEST STEP so far- you went and spoke to your abusive husband asking for a divorce, so you deserve a medal for that alone.
Dont be afraid- you will be better in the long run if you just get out of that house now!- dont wait another month, please?
I am here praying for you, I know you will find your way through this!!

Good luck - We are all here for you!
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#13 Kell

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Posted 01 September 2007 - 05:22 PM

I agree with all that went before.

It takes a lot of courage to get out of that situation - be proud of yourself for realising you DO deserve so much better. I agree with Lib, to start moving important things and papers out to a safe place now, and document the bruising etc. as well as any more violence that happens - report any more to the police so they have records of it.

You are doing the right thing, down the track you will be so glad you did it now, and didn't wait and endure more than you need to. Take care.
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#14 nephthys

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Posted 03 September 2007 - 10:28 AM

I just realised this thread has been resurrected from April.

How are you going? Have you been able to make that step? What about the legal proceedings?
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#15 belooker

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Posted 03 September 2007 - 03:38 PM

Also one thing the girls haven't meantioned was that if you have been married less than 2yrs you need to either wait 18months before you can divorce or you need to both go through couciling which I have found out, to file for divorce on the 12mth and 1 day thing. Also you need to make the seperation offical with either a stat dec signed at the police office or by filing for assistance at a centrelink or something like that.

but either way one of you will have to move out.




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