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FMIL Behaviour has changed towards Me


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#1 divi

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 02:14 PM


Not sure if anyone else has had this happen to them.

I had no problems with my FMIL until we announced our engagement.

At the engagement party she was rather badly behaved, she was rude to my aunty, apparently slagged me of to a couple of people and thought that it was appropriate to discuss marriage & divorce statistics to anyone who would listen.

We do not see my H2B's family often, they are very time poor and as far as I am concerned a little selfish...

When I first met my H2B I did encourage him to have more to do with his dad and step mum, but after us always trying to organise and make all the effort and for them to consistently cancel or decline our invitations I stoped becuase I finaly realised that they were not interested and I will not waste time on people who will not waste time on us.

The FMIL is my H2B's step mother and has been for 28 years, he's natural mum passed away four years ago.

Has anyone else experinced this sort of behaviour when the inlaws realised that you will becoming a permanent fixture????




#2 Puggie

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 03:03 PM

Oh - that's sad this has happened sad.gif

I had the reverse with my MIL. Not that we ever despised each other or anything, but there were a few issues which we had very different opinions and perspectives on. When hubby and I bought the house together, and then when we announced our engagement, his mother and I both made a conscious effort to resolve these issues where possible, and agree to disagree where we can't.

What does your HTB make of all of this? What was your FIL like?

#3 divi

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 03:16 PM


There is no use talking to my H2B about it. I don't want to start any trouble. He is under the impression that, that is just how she is.

My ffil is ok. Apparently he was giving my H2B a hard time, re - hurrying up and proposing to me...

My FFIL is quite a selfish man, he has no time for anyone not even his wife, so maybe that is the problems FMIL is lonely and bored.

As I said we do not have alot to do with them as they make no effort to see us, which is a bit sad for H2B.

#4 shelly_belle

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 03:42 PM

Yes unfortunatley I have been through exactly the same thing.

I got on fine with my then FMIL & FSIL until we got engaged - then it was all "frankly i dont want anything to do with this wedding, i think you are making a huge mistake". This all got worse and worse (i dont want to scare you with the details) until the day of the wedding when they pretended it was like nothing had happened between us, and were so pleased with how beautiful the wedding was (even though they had nothing to do with organising or paying for it). Thank goodness for the support of my FFIL or we never would have got through it.

Now, its like nothing ever happened at all - all is back to normal - except that there are literally 100's of photos of my hubby and his family at our wedding up around their house, and only one with me in it (a little bitter I know).

All the bitterness of my FMIL caused a lot of issues between hubby and I back then, and occasionally it still does now. Fortunately they are not all that interested in us now! The best advice I can give is take the high road (no matter how hard that is) - be as nice as you can to her and karma will have its way in the end

Hope it works out for you smile.gif


#5 Genie

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 03:49 PM

YES!! I can relate. Actually, it was more my hubby's grandmother who had the problem, but MIL also exhibited the same feelings.

What were they like beforehand?? I must admit I should have seen it coming, because in-laws haven't liked a single GF hubby had in the past. Obviously, they were nice to me when we were dating because I hadn't been on the scene very long, but as soon as they realised I was a permanent fixture they weren't very happy about it!! There were lots of sly comments, cold shoulders etc, and tantrums that went on before, during and since the wedding.

Just the other day we were washing the dog (at in-laws place) and I took off my wedding and engagement rings. Grandmother volunteered to hold them, then chirped up 'look I'm married to xxxxx' I thought that was a little odd, and inappropriate.

We are the opposite in that we have a LOT to do with them. I'm slowly learning to 'deal with it' but i won't lie, there's been many an argument about them. I guess the thing is how is FH about it all??? does it bother him?
Happy as a girl can be...

#6 divi

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 04:03 PM

QUOTE(Janene @ Apr 20 2007, 03:49 PM) View Post

YES!! I can relate. Actually, it was more my hubby's grandmother who had the problem, but MIL also exhibited the same feelings.

What were they like beforehand?? I must admit I should have seen it coming, because in-laws haven't liked a single GF hubby had in the past. Obviously, they were nice to me when we were dating because I hadn't been on the scene very long, but as soon as they realised I was a permanent fixture they weren't very happy about it!! There were lots of sly comments, cold shoulders etc, and tantrums that went on before, during and since the wedding.

Just the other day we were washing the dog (at in-laws place) and I took off my wedding and engagement rings. Grandmother volunteered to hold them, then chirped up 'look I'm married to xxxxx' I thought that was a little odd, and inappropriate.

We are the opposite in that we have a LOT to do with them. I'm slowly learning to 'deal with it' but i won't lie, there's been many an argument about them. I guess the thing is how is FH about it all??? does it bother him?


Do you think it could be because they are jealous that their grandson, son , stepson are going to have another women in his life and basicaly that we will be receiving more priority and attention than them????

#7 katy_bride

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 04:20 PM

QUOTE(divi @ Apr 20 2007, 04:03 PM) View Post

Do you think it could be because they are jealous that their grandson, son , stepson are going to have another women in his life and basicaly that we will be receiving more priority and attention than them????


Ha! I wish. I think its just because they are bittered, twistered old hags, who hide their broomsticks and warts during the daytime, but at night are flying around scaring little children. I'm not a perfect person but when I have kids and they bring home their future spouses - OMG the last thing I will be doing to them is being nasty, how on earth anyone can think there behaviour is appropriate is beyond me, and they are supposed to be the mature, experienced adults. You think you'd love to get a new daughter/son, and embrace them into your family with open arms. I will never, ever, ever understand MIL's behaviour.

#8 TEN

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 08:59 PM

QUOTE(divi @ Apr 20 2007, 02:14 PM) View Post


At the engagement party she was rather badly behaved, she was rude to my aunty, apparently slagged me of to a couple of people and thought that it was appropriate to discuss marriage & divorce statistics to anyone who would listen.



OMG! The same thing happened to me! I didn't think she was too bad until we got engaged. Then I started seeing what she was really like.

THEN at the engagement party she was shocking! B!tching about me to 2 of MY girlfriends, one with is my BEST FRIEND and BM! They were in shock! She was telling them how expensive I am, and how he never does any of the stuff he used to love now he is with me (she mentioned namely waterskiing - their family boat broke 3 years before he met me - thats why!). Then she was saying that he wouldn't have spent so much on the ring if I didn't expect it and all the other cr@p. I can't remember the rest but it was ridiculous. So me, my best friend and my FSIL (H2B's brothers wife) ended up in the toilets b!tching about her! I was livid! And so was H2B when I told him.

But just like your man, he now says nothing, its just 'what she's like'. I could go on for hours, but I won't.

I am just fortunate my FSIL feels the same way about her and we can vent together and she understands.

Good luck with it, keep me posted!

#9 narzy

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Posted 20 April 2007 - 10:40 PM

I get along great with my in-laws,
but a girl at my work got married in feb and a few days after the wedding when she was at the bar with her new hubby- her MIL came up beside her and whispered in her ear-"you may be his wife now,but he will always be my son"!!!!
I couldnt believe she said that and the other thing that suprised me was that she said he doesnt have much to do with his mum!
Not much help but i hope it all works out for you,
just remember you are getting married because you love each other!
Narzy

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#10 Wippy

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 07:09 PM

QUOTE(narzy @ Apr 20 2007, 10:40 PM) View Post

but a girl at my work got married in feb and a few days after the wedding when she was at the bar with her new hubby- her MIL came up beside her and whispered in her ear-"you may be his wife now,but he will always be my son"!!!!
I couldnt believe she said that and the other thing that suprised me was that she said he doesnt have much to do with his mum!

What a horrible thing to say! dry.gif sad.gif

One of my good friends and her new hubby moved across the country to get away from her crazy MIL. She drives her and her DH to tears with her crap. My friend seriously considers moving overseas permanently to get away from her. She thinks that once they have kids life will become unbearable. Constant phone calls and guilt trips and more phone calls and demands. It goes on and on. I feel so sorry for my friend.

Why to mothers do this to their sons and their wives/fiances/GFs?

Narzy, you should tell that girl at your work to give her MIL a card with this written inside:
A daughter will be your daughter for life,
But your son's only yours til he finds a wife. tongue.gif

See what she says about that. tongue.gif dry.gif

I'd just stay away from her Divi and hope she warms up to you. (((hugs)))
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#11 narzy

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Posted 21 April 2007 - 09:21 PM

hehe- love that saying whippy!
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