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My Mother!


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#1 meredithabp

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Posted 18 April 2007 - 03:23 PM

I am having a massive issue with my mother. Everytime that I think I've got it all sorted and under control, she ends up doing something that just frustrates me. I think that it stems from the fact that I have decided to move to Australia to be with my fiance, and she is just not coping and therefore thinks that I should miserable as well.

The final straw came just before Easter when she called like she does every 2 weeks. She left me with a wonderful comment that I am still annoyed about, she said "I don't think you want me to come to your wedding". This is mainly because I wasn't able to look at accomodation for them in the 3 days that she had sent me an email about.

I think that she might still be upset that the wedding isn't in Canada as she wanted. She had said to me that its the bride's perogative to where the wedding is, but apparently that should be, the bride's mother.

I missed her called on sunday on purpose because I just end up feeling like the lowest life form on the planet after talking to her, and I had a baby shower to go to, so I didn't want to feel horrible. She then sent me an email to say that she had to leave a message, and this morning, I got a text from her asking if I was ok, and what would be a good time to call. I can't deal with her anymore. Any advice of what to do would be greatly appreciated.

Meredith

#2 TEN

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Posted 18 April 2007 - 05:03 PM

No advice sorry, just want to say I hope it gets a bit better for you!

Moving to a new country is a huge step, you need the support of your mother. You may just need to tell her that she is not helping, and that you are doing this for you, not because of her.

Good luck, keep us posted!

#3 ~Jessica~

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Posted 19 April 2007 - 09:29 PM

I can sympathise with you.... My mother is a bit different though. It makes it hard as you are suppose to share this journey with her.

What is your mother in law 2b like?

All I can say is focus on you, your h2b and your wedding and just do what you want. It hurts but it hurts less and less when you know its what you want and that is the most important thing.

I hope it gets better for you!!!!
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#4 ***Jo***

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Posted 19 April 2007 - 11:07 PM

Hi Meredith,

Plain and simple - your mum is having a hard time letting you go! You've moved to a new country and are getting married, she is obviously grieving for the relationship you once had. Now her little girl is growing up and its not easy for her.

You need to be straight with her. I had to do the same with my mum when my husband and I moved back from London to Australia. My family is from Perth and they were not happy we moved to Sydney. After we got engaged my relationship with my parents just got worse, but its back on top form now. Give these things time, everyone handles this transition differently.

Just be honest and try and work it out. Try saying to your mum 'Mum, I realise this is hard for you, but you need to accept I have moved to Australia, let's start talking about how you feel'...and go from there.

Good luck

Jo x
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#5 meredithabp

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Posted 24 April 2007 - 09:08 AM

Thanks for all your replys. Its just confirming what I thought. Last wednesday, after the emails and text message, she called me. I wasn't expecting it, but managed to make it through the call. I really really wanted to say many many things to her, but I chickened out. I think that I need to have the support of Richard with me when I do, and he was out playing sport.

One of the things that happened was she just continued on as if she hadn't said what she had 2 weeks previous. She keeps asking me questions that I can't answer, but there was a minor breakthrough. She has had it stuck in her head that I would be spending the night before the wedding with them, which I was never happy with. The problem with that is my parents are staying in a hotel suite with 3 others, my aunt, brother and a hanger on (he's the son of good friends of theirs that I haven't met, but still coming to the wedding!). Upon thinking about this more, she doesn't think that there will be enough room for me to spend the night, then with the hair and makeup people and my 2 bridesmaids arriving. So I get to chose where I want to spend my last night smile.gif I wasn't looking forward to telling her that I wasn't going to stay with them ph34r.gif

I still have the problem of telling her, and my dad too, that its just not going to be possible to pick them up from the airport, and that it would be so much more better if they were to catch the airport shuttle to their hotel. I would need a vehicle for 7 people and room for at least 7 pieces of luggage, and that's just not possible, I can't be forking out a huge amount of money for a rental vehicle plus the parking at the airport and again in the city. Well, primarily the rental cause that would be well over $100, and because they are coming in on a sunday I would have to return it probably on a tuesday, just not worth it. So I am preparing for another guilt trip from them.

I just wish that mum wouldn't do this to me, she has managed to make what is supposed to be a good and happy time, not so. She did say to me that I don't sound like her normal little girl. After the amount of crap I have been through in the past year, its not surprising that I'm not.

Thanks for listening again.

Meredith




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