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#1 nat nat

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Posted 12 April 2007 - 08:09 PM

I am so confused at the moment, we were told three weeks ago that my nan had three weeks to live. We were told last Thursday that she had 24 hours and we were told on Saturday she had about 2 days.
But she is still here with us, still suffering and she is ready to go so why is she still here.

Well, we got our answer today. After constantly telling my aunt that " No, she is not waiting for anyone!" she finally admitted that she indeed was. The nurse asked her questions and told her that her whole family had been there to see her. She shook her head and mumbled no.

They asked her "Who hasnt been?" and they picked up the letter P, which is my uncle Phillip. My Uncle Phillip (a total goose) was here on the weekend but refused to see her, claiming he couldnt handle it.
They said to her that he was here and she said " no, I didn't see him". So they have rang him, he in turn rang nan, and now he is coming tomorrow afternoon. What I am confused about is, why, she didnt say this last week when he was here? Why is she holding on when she is in so much pain?

Also does anybody know what a keeper is or have had a dying love one ask about a keeper? My nan keeps trying to ask who her keeper is...I have no idea

Sorry to vent, I just needed to get this out. havent slept for a week, I am emotionally drained and cant stand to see her in pain anymore.
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#2 SEA

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Posted 12 April 2007 - 08:17 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your Nan Nat. Hopefully once your Uncle has been she can be at peace. I'm not sure what a keeper is... I haven't heard that term before, and the only thing I can assume is like a God of some sort?

Thinking of you xoxo

#3 --M--

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Posted 12 April 2007 - 08:20 PM

sad.gif I don't know what a keeper is. I know exactly how hard it is to watch a family member to linger. I hope you have a good support system, and that your uncle can make it. Thinking of you xx

#4 nat nat

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Posted 12 April 2007 - 08:22 PM

I thought it may be God to...Im quite religious and Im thinking maybe nan thinks there will be a person waiting for her when she crosses and will guide her. I dont know...its got me lost.

I like to think that if it is someone waiting it will be her sister coz' her and my pop didnt exactly have the best relationships and she claims she doesnt want to see him.
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#5 aphstar

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Posted 12 April 2007 - 10:13 PM

I don't know what a keeper is, hun. It's a long shot, but have you tried googling it? Does your Nan belong to a church group at all, that might be able to shed some light on her beliefs?

Hope you are ok... remember to look after yourself as well.
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#6 CastlemaineGal

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Posted 12 April 2007 - 11:30 PM

WOW! I just burst into tears reading your post! And now you've got me balling!!

My Nan did exactly the same thing.... I wouldn't leave her side, and they told me maybe she was hanging on because some people like to be alone when they pass, so maybe she was waiting for me to leave... I wiped my eyes and did the most bravest thing i've ever done in my life.... I whispered in my Nanas ear (although it killed me and i didn't want to) "Nan, I'm going to be alright... It's okay, be at peace".... I left, went for lunch, although it killed me to leave her, but she was still there when i got back.
I sat down with the nurses racking our brains about what could be going on, she'd seen her daughters (They visited, left, and went back to start pulling up the damn carpet in her house already!!!!) We couldn't think of anyone else.
My Nana brought me up from a young age. Parents divorced and mother lost the plot. She had always been like a mother to me, she was there with me when my Children were born etc. Spent every holiday with us, she was the one i told everything to, she was my Rock!
Anyway (sorry to hijack the thread) my Children were at their Fathers in QLD, they'd flown up there for the school holidays and i never thought of it until the nurse asked who was she so close to. Because i couldn't get them back until his "access" was up, the nurse and i thought maybe just their voices, so we rang them after 5 days of trying, as she was what you call unresponsive by this time.... I put the phone next to her ear as my Children spoke to her and told her how much they loved her and would love her forever... my eldest (aged 12 at the time) told her that one day they'll be together again and that she'll always be the brightest star in the sky! The nurse and i sat there watching as what looked to be tears ran down my Nannas face! She passed away 45 minutes later.
I was with her for every heart attack, every time they brought her back, i saw everything... I must have been in a trance because i had 5 hours sleep in nearly 2 weeks. I have no idea how i did it... watching those monitors 24/7... as the beat just gets slower and slower....but i am so glad i did! When she needed me... I was there for HER!

As for the keeper thing... I'm not sure about this, but one of the last things my Nana said to me, she awoke from a nap and asked where her Dad was? She told me her Dad was just here to take her home and he must have been down signing the papers? (That's when i knew this was it!) I was talking to a friend about this one day and she said something about he must be her keeper? I'll ring her and ask her in the morning.

I'm so sorry i hijacked this thread but you don't know how good it felt to just type that... I really don't have any Family on my side, so i've never really talked about this. My Nana passed away on Wednesday the 29th of June 2005. One day we'll meet again!

I hope you are okay, and if you need anyone to talk to... we are here for you!

#7 nat nat

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 12:31 AM

Oh Kate, now you got me crying.

Thankyou for sharing, your grandmother sounds like a very special person and I am happy that you were finally able to get your story off your chest. So stop apologising hon, you didnt hijack anything.

As much as I am dreading getting that phone call (I wont be with her when she passes, she has 11 children and they will most probably all be with her), I know her battle will be over and she will be free from pain. I hope tomorrow, when my uncle arrives, her battle will end.

Thanks for all the support girls. xxx
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#8 Anita

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 12:42 AM

QUOTE(BrideinFeb2008 @ Apr 13 2007, 12:30 AM) View Post
As for the keeper thing... I'm not sure about this, but one of the last things my Nana said to me, she awoke from a nap and asked where her Dad was? She told me her Dad was just here to take her home and he must have been down signing the papers? (That's when i knew this was it!) I was talking to a friend about this one day and she said something about he must be her keeper? I'll ring her and ask her in the morning.


We had a similar experience with my SIL; she kept saying "Why am I still here, I'm ready to go, I want to go, whre's Mum, when is she coming to get me?" (Their Mum died some years ago.)

I would say that is what your Nana means by her keeper also; her guide into the next life.


#9 ~Sally~

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 07:53 AM

My DH's Pop passed away on Saturday just gone. He has been very sick for a few months, but once his son left to move interstate his health just deteriorated in minutes.

The phone call telling us that he had been given only 24 hours to live was not taken completely seriously - Pop was a fighter and he was going to hold on - he'd held on for so long after the stroke and massive heart attack he suffered 23 years ago - he'd betten the odds of not walking and talking again - he walked on the Great Wall of China after the stroke and learnt to speak again, so 24 hours could have been another week.

His daughter sat with him for as long as she could everyday (my MIL - she is so strong). The nurses at the home and MIL kept telling him to relax and to let go and he would be at peace and be with Nan. He fought and hung on for as long as he could.

30 minutes after she left for the evening she got the phone call saying he had passed away. He'd decided it was time to go. It was 24 hours since we got the phone call saying he only had 24 hours to live.

The funeral was held yesterday. It was so sad, but so heartwarming to see all that loved him. It's so sad when a loved one leaves, but to know that Pop is no longer in pain in a relief.

I hope that your Nan find the peace she is looking for and is able to let go.

Love and Hugs.

Cxx

#10 Elisha

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 10:44 AM

Well girls you've got me crying also!!

My FIL was ill with cancer & we werent told at the time cos i was pregnant that he had no more than 6 months to live. Like most he was a fighter & H2B & I thought he was doin well & getting better but unbeknown to us he was getting worse. He'd had an operation & was not supposed to go home for 3 weeks, however on the thursday afternoon H2B called me & told me that FIL had asked that he go pick him up & take him home.

He died the next day.

He died exactly 3 weeks before my son was born, i was later told by one of the fantastic nurses that cared for him that he was holding on for his grandchild, but i guess his fight was harder than anything as he didnt make it.

I feel he knew it was the end & wanted to die at home.

Sorry to tell my story but hearing all of yours stirred up emotions.....

As for the keeper thing I believe it is a loved one that has passed & is guiding you, they are there waiting & keep you safe until you're ready.....

I hope that everything is ok for you "so confused" & remember we are all here if u need to talk, hope your nan soon has the peace she wants as hard as it is for us living.

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#11 mimo

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 11:58 AM

Oh Nat, I am sorry that you going through this at the moment.
My Dad, passed away in June 05, and one of the things he did in the days before his death was - he'd stretch his hand out in the air - as if there was someone there..... and then he'd drop his hand and look really disappointed. He did this over and over again, until he went into a deep sleep a few hours before he died. I believe that there was someone waiting to take him home...

Also - during this last hours - his breathing became very aggitated and so my sister and I whispered in his ear that it was ok for him to let go, that we would be ok. And it was weird but his breathing got even worse,and this went on for ages.... then my sister had a brain wave to tell him that - mum would be ok too and that we'd look after her. Then he went to sleep and a few hours later was gone. My mum was his everything (even though he had a funny way of showing it) ..... smile.gif

And again - sorry to hijack your story - smile.gif
The dying often hold on until they see or hear something they really want to see/hear. It's really important for them to see that their 'work' (whatever it may be) is done.

And although it is hard for you to see her like this, just believe that she will be much more at peace when she sees your Uncle.
Big Hugs to you
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#12 nat nat

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 12:45 PM

Cheeky monkey, you said that when your father died in June 05 he reached out his hand as if reaching out for someone. My grandad (who also died in June 05), did the exact same thing. He would out of nowhere, just reach up, open his eyes, and then fall back again, as if disappointed.

No news as of yet today, I think she is hallucinating coz when we saw her late last night, she seemed to be talking to someone but when asked who are you talking to...she didnt answer. Its as if she is in a world of her own, she doesnt respond to us directly, her eyes are glazed over, but she is talking to others that we cant see.
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#13 CastlemaineGal

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 12:57 PM

I hope you are going okay today... It's such an emotional thing to go through... The feeling of there is nothing in the world you can do is the worst feeling you can ever feel!!

Is Phillip the baby of the Family? Sometimes parents just want to make sure their children are going to be alright, going to cope alone. I really hope he says the right things!

I wish you the best and hope your Nan is at peace soon, although that sounds weird to say, as you really never want to let them go, I believe they go to a better place and watch over us. I have had some strange occurances since my Nan died and i believe she's there, although if you had of asked me about the after death thing 2 years ago, i would have laughed.

The people that she's talking to are probably waiting for her... Everyone she grew up with, everyone she loved as a child. Her parents, Grandparents etc. All the people she has missed for so many years, just remember, what we go through losing someone, those people have already lost loved ones years before. IMO i think dying would be like a tug of war, on one end you're leaving behind your loved ones who are going to grieve and miss you. On the other end you have all the people you've grieved for and missed for years waiting to see you, that part would be exciting!

Take Care and All The Best, especially for the next few days.

#14 LiAsh

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 01:02 PM

Nat, I'm so sad to hear that you're going through this!

My grandparents passed away in March 06. My Pop had collapsed during an art class he did, and was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with anemia. He had several blood transfusions and was on the mend - so all the family had been, visited and had decided that because he was going to be sent home the next morning, that we'd all head back so we could go back to work. When everyone was leaving he was all smiles and saying how much better he was feeling, but how tired he was. He passed away in his sleep at 2am the next morning (Tuesday morning).

We all went back for the funeral that Friday - we had to wait for my sister to fly in from Japan - and as we walked into the church, my Nan collapsed and couldn't be revived.

We honestly believe that when she got close to the casket at the front of the church, she saw my Pop and he took her with him - "Till Death Do Us Part" didn't mean anything for them - they'd been married for 63 years and they went into the next life within 4 days of each other. We had a double funeral the following Wednesday, and they were buried in the same plot together. She'd held out just long enough to make all of the arrangements, and looking back, I can remember talking to her about our renovations, and telling her that she'd have to come and visit to see them (trying to give her something to look forward to), but she just told me that she didn't think she'd make it down there again - she knew that she was going.

Anyway, I really hope that your uncle does go and see her so that she can go in peace. And as the others have said, I think the keeper is most likely the person who will help her through to the next life - as I'm sure my Pop was for my Nan.

Stay strong!

#15 Ariannan

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Posted 13 April 2007 - 01:39 PM

So many sad stories

Nat I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this... I know exactly how you feel. My nana had a bad brain haemorrhage suddenly about a month before our wedding. Since then she's had good and bad days... she spoke to us a little about a month ago but she had another bleed just after that. Since then she hasn't spoken to any of us (except she said hello on thursday night) and she just lays in bed being fed by a nasogastric tube. It's so hard to see her like that. I visit her as much as I can after work... she is in a nursing home 2 hours drive away so it's hard but i manage to see her about 3 times a week.

I spoke to her the other day and told her how sorry i was that she missed our wedding - i know how excited she was about it, it was hard not having her there. Brenton and I told her every detail of the day and we looked up and saw tears roll down her cheeks sad.gif sad.gif We've tried to make up for her missing our wedding as much as we can but it's still not the same - I printed out some photos from our wedding and put them up on her wall and I took my wedding dress in to show her lastnight - i was going to put it on to show her but she just slept lastnight.... i will try again next week and hope that she is having a better night

I don't know how long she will be like this... but it is just so hard watching her lie there unable to do anything for herself. I know she knows us and listens to us talking to her but i can't imagine how awful it must be for her not to be able to do anything to respond to us. I am so scared that she will pass away when Brenton and I go on our 5 week honeymoon but I know how much she would want us to still go and try to have a nice time so that's what we will have to try and do.

I hope that both our nanas are at peace soon.. until then all we can do is surround them with all our love and give them lots of hugs and kisses.
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