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Got a few family issues

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#1 mrshannam



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Posted 16 March 2007 - 09:21 PM

Well firstly i guess is the issue of, how am i going to have my parents in the same room as eachother for my wedding? they resently broke up for the millionth time in me life about 9 months ago. This time is is for real and for good. She had been cheeting on him for about 18 months before she told him and left. So you can see where the problem is right. they are ok sometime when they have to face eacthother for the sake younger brothers, but most of the time they're at each other like cats and dogs.

secondly is that i love my father and i want him to walk me down the ailse. I know that will make my mum jealous but i dont care. the real deal is that i used to be best friends with my mum untill she did what she did and untill she started paying more attention to the guy and ignoring her kids.(literally) we are still ok and talk but it will never be the same and (semi unfortunally) i happen to get on really well with the guy. I want the three of them at the wedding but dont know how to avoid major blood shed and jail sentences. sad.gif ... any ideas?

lastly there is the FIL. My H2B's dad get on well with mine and that all fine. However my sweethearts mum passed away just over a year ago and it is still really painfull for him let alone his father. for this reason and the fact that she does seem to care about anything other then her new life, my FH's dad and my mum have not met. I dont know how to do this. i had organise for them to meet at our engagment party so he had other ppl in his family to use as a buffer, but she never showed up. (had some thing more important to do with him mad.gif ) Does anyone have any ideas on a subtle cusiony meeting plan?

ok so i think that is it
sorry to woffle a bit but i needed to get it off my chest if anything.
any help well be emensly appreciated

#2 ~Jessica~


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Posted 16 March 2007 - 10:15 PM

I don't have anything really useful to say, but I just wanted you to know I read your post and feel for you!!!

Perhaps organise an afternoon tea, don't tell your mum your FIL will be there and just arrange for them both to be there??

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#3 bonniebride


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Posted 20 March 2007 - 08:22 AM

Wow, it's sounds like quite a complicated situation! huh.gif I hope you manage to get eveyone together happily for your big day. Perhaps talk to your mum and dad and ask them to be civilised for just 1 day, for your sake? And maybe seat them at separate tables so they don't have to be near each other too much.

It's tradition for your dad to walk you down the aisle and I can't see why your mum should be jealous of that. Point out that mothers have other important roles in the wedding (dress shopping, advising, supporting etc) and that this is really the only thing your dad will be involved in.

I'd set up a meeting in a public place for all future in-laws, as they're often more relaxed and no-one can feel like they're in anyone else's territory. Having strangers around often keeps things more civilised too. Maybe all go out for lunch at a cafe or restaurant? It'll mean you aren't stressed about hosting something too as the cafe will handle all the food, cleaning up etc.

Best of luck, I hope it all goes well and your parents can be nice to each other, or at least not be nasty.

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#4 Sare Sare

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Posted 17 June 2007 - 08:02 AM

Your mother sounds like a cracker - I agree just have her involved with shopping and flowers she will love it - she can spend all thetime she likes with new boyfriend when you are dealing with more serious things with Dad. Don't speak of the walking down the isle - its a given that he will and there is no need for discussion no matter how shirty she may feel she needs to get.
We have a sort of step father (on H2B side) who we do not want on invites or anything part of the orgnising. He makes life difficult and he is always just rude about it - just don't etertain conversation with them. Thy are no help to you wen they behave like that.

I to have a semi similar situation.
My H2B father passed when he was very young - at this time MIL did not deal with it. When we have big things like important brthdays, engagement and now wedding she finds it very hard to deal with H2B father not being here.
Her partner is not emotional nor does know how to comfort but rather make the situation worse!
I find I sat down with her had a wine one sunday afternoon and let her cry it out - wasn't much talking alot of crying but they know you and they have a secret you have bonded over the "issue" and on the day you and they feel comfortable.

Perhas try this with your FIL to make him feel that its ok - no need to pussy foot around the issue that his wife's passing is tragic however maybe light a candle or something of that nature during the ceremony in memory of her. Its a tear jearker I know (i'm holding them back just typing it) But i know the moment I had iwth my MIL was beautiful and to know that we were a mess a week before engagement and on the night we were all cried out and she made a beautiful speech on behalf on her family.

I hope this helps - it's a touchy issue but really worth dealing with

#5 Renee`


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Posted 17 June 2007 - 09:08 AM

I can really only offer my advice for what to do with your parents.

My mother and father have been seperated since I was 3, and when it came to my engagement and wedding, I was worried about how they would behave. They had never stood in the same room together and they cannot stand eachother (And make no effort to hide it)
At the engagement party, they stood with their respective 'teams' on opposite sides of the room, with DH's family in the middle, I didn't push anything.

Leading up to the wedding, each communicated through me, like how much the other would put in or whatever the case was.
On the morning of the wedding my dad was with my DH until we were coming back from getting our make upa nd hair done, then I picked dad up and he came and got ready at my grandma's where my mum was. It was awkard but they only did what I had asekd for them to do.

I had previoulsy told them that I want both of them to be in atleast ONE photo together with me, standing on either side, and they just had to looklike they were happy for me.
I ended up getting about 3 piccies with them together in it.
My mother congratulated my father and vice versa.
I told them both, that if they carry on like pork chops there is secuirty at the reception and I would not hesititate in calling them to escort either of them off the premises. I actually made it well known to 'both' teams as well.
I reminded them that this was about me, and my husband, and not about how they had a failed marriage and I didn't want any negativity because it just wasn't about them. They can bicker and hate eachother I was asking for one day, and if they had any respect for me, or my husband they would do as I wish.

I sat them on different tables (Both on the front row but IL"s in between them) and they were both shown the same amount of attention (Both got speechs etc)

You need to lay down the law with both of them now.
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