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Problems with my FMIL


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#91 heapha

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Posted 08 January 2007 - 02:17 PM

I would just sit down with them maturely. Listen to everything they have to say, good or bad. When they are finished stay calm and let them know what your side is and what your feelings are. If they try to interupt or not listen calmly remind them that you gave them the respect to hear them out and that they should hear you out.

Lay down your cards without reservation and don't falter. Don't get upset. If they say something like we do not support this marraige etc etc tell them that you understand that but that as it is your life and you love your FH there opionion is just that, and a opinion and little more.

I would just sit down with them maturely. Listen to everything they have to say, good or bad. When they are finished stay calm and let them know what your side is and what your feelings are. If they try to interupt or not listen calmly remind them that you gave them the respect to hear them out and that they should hear you out.

Lay down your cards without reservation and don't falter. Don't get upset. If they say something like we do not support this marraige etc etc tell them that you understand that but that as it is your life and you love your FH there opionion is just that, and a opinion and little more.
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#92 scary_girl

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Posted 08 January 2007 - 03:36 PM

WOW - congratulations on the re-engagement! I hope the visit from your parents doesn't turn out nasty.

I'll send positive vibes for you smile.gif

I too only just found this thread and are in total shock - you are a stronger person than I, I don't think I could handle any of that at all!

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#93 indigo

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Posted 08 January 2007 - 04:08 PM

Stick with the gut feelings - then you can be prepared and if it's positive, well that's fabulous.
I'd remind them that as a couple, you learn from one another and you grow together. At times you can make mistakes but the beauty of a relationship is that you support one another to be the best people you can be and learn from mistakes. You realise that there have been many trying and testing times however it has made you stronger and if they choose not to support you both that it is saying that it's not ok to grow, change and become better people, that they are actually saying that things should come easily and that it flies in the face of the saying "nothing worth having is given easily". You believe the both of you can make it because you have already suffered and conquered and shown maturity to succeed.
That despite the fact that all loved ones do things at some point that we don't agree with, we support them because that's called love.

My point: guilt trip them! Let them know that you are unconditionally able to make your own decisions and that if they love you, they should support you regardless of their own opinions. They have to allow you to live your own life.

Please keep us updated, I'll have my fingers crossed for you!
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#94 heapha

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Posted 10 January 2007 - 01:23 PM

is there any update?

We are all worried for you.
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#95 Lisa682

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Posted 10 January 2007 - 01:38 PM

Oh thanks Heapha,

No Sorry, No updates as yet. My parents arrive on Saturday at 1pm, So have your fingers crossed for us then, ok!

Apart from that, neither of us have heard from H2B's family and to be honest its been really nice


#96 tastebud

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Posted 10 January 2007 - 01:53 PM

QUOTE(heapha @ Jan 7 2007, 10:33 PM) View Post

In regards to your family and his family not supporting you, that still sucks but think of just how many men would have chosen mummy and know that in him you have a family that will stand by you through anything which is even better than one that puts altermatums on there love and support.

I am so happy for you


I agree with this and I am so happy for you too. I reckon you should be really proud of yourself (& hubby) sticking by your guns about what you will and will not accept. This sets the tone for the rest of your lives - that it is about you two first and foremost. If others, as in your families, want to be part of your lives they must behave like adults otherwise they will not be included. It's not always easy but it is a simple concept and definitely worth it for your peace of mind and the family you two are creating together.

That's all very exciting. Good luck on Saturday. smile.gif
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#97 Lisa682

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Posted 10 January 2007 - 01:59 PM

Thanks Tastebud - You know what, I am proud of myself (& H2B) never before in my life have I stuck up for myself. especially to this extent!

Thanks for your Support


#98 ~steph~

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Posted 12 January 2007 - 10:38 AM

Lisa just wanted to wish you good luck for tomorrow. Hope your parents have a positive visit.
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#99 Lisa682

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Posted 12 January 2007 - 10:42 AM

Thanks Steph, That's SO nice of you to think of me!

I am already nervous and have butterflies! (which is crazy - they are my parents!) I sent my Mum a Txt and asked her if they were staying for lunch (as they are coming at lunch time) and she just replied "NO" so not really a positive vibe there!


#100 girlfriday

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Posted 12 January 2007 - 10:51 AM

good luck tomorrow - hope it goes well and things are a bit more resolvedfor you.

By presenting a committed family unit, hopefully your parents will see what you both mean to each other and accept the situation for the better.

BIG HUGS smile.gif

#101 indigo

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Posted 12 January 2007 - 10:54 AM

What you need to do right now is get out the Rocky soundtrack. laugh.gif Something like the Eye of the Tiger or the main theme song would work a treat laugh.gif
Hang in there hon! The quote that nothing can hurt you unless you choose to let yourself be hurt by it is really appropriate right now. You're standing up for what you want and ultimately it's your life and you get to make your own decisions. I hope it goes well.
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#102 Lisa682

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Posted 12 January 2007 - 10:57 AM

Thanks girlfriday!!!

Ha ha - you crack me up Gayle! Now i have that song stuck in my head!

Thanks SO much. I really appreciate it!


#103 ----

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Posted 12 January 2007 - 12:53 PM

I hope everything goes well tomorrow Lisa.

As the others have said stand your ground. An i too belive that you should go with your gut instinct, its better to be prepared rather than be caught off guard.




#104 Lisa682

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Posted 12 January 2007 - 12:56 PM

Thanks SO much sjm!

I really appreciate your support!


#105 heapha

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Posted 12 January 2007 - 02:24 PM

just remember your main points, go over them with H2B so that you look unified and organised.

Remember things such as the fact that you are marring the man that you love not his family. That he has supported you dispite the issues with his family (good to know you don't have a mumma's boy). Make it clear to them that you intend on marring him and starting a family with him, be sure that they understand that whilst you would like/love to have there blessing and support, you intend on going through with this marraige whether you have it or not.

They raised you to be a strong woman and that means now that you and H2B have to be strong together, and if they trust you they have to trust your decisions.

Realistically they are the ones that stand to loose, if they refuse to support you in your decision to marry FH and they aren't at the wedding, in 10 years time you will be upset that they weren't there but you won't regret getting married. They may well regret not seeing there little girl get married - and for what reason?

Don't let them judge FH on the basis of FMIL. Each person should be judged on there own merits and flaws.

Best of luck - I will keep my wishes with you.
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