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Problems with my FMIL


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#31 **** Sarah and Adam ****

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Posted 31 October 2006 - 09:10 AM

Oh hun this is awful. Your FMIL doesn't realise that she will only push her son further and further awayif she behaves like this.

The most important thing here is you and your FH. You do everything in your power to ensure that your relationship stays strong, that you getting married are embarking on starting your own family! And I hope you don't take anything of what she says to heart. She probably thinks she is doing it for the best. Infact she reminds me of the mother on monster in law.

Kill her with kindness I say and don't let her see that she's getting to you! I'm so sorry you are going through this.

ETD to add: just saw your latest post which I didn't see before. Do you love this man? Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him, and the occasional event with his parents. If the answer is yes then what i said above applies. Above all else fight for what you want. Talk with your FH and work out how to deal with this. Remove these FIL's from your lives in areas such as checking bank accounts and ensure they know that they either join you and get out of your lives.

#32 ~steph~

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Posted 31 October 2006 - 09:27 AM

What she has done really isn't acceptable behaviour, but the huge bonus for you is that FH stood up for you - trust me that is a really big plus on his side!!

Along the lines of what Heather said... Take away his family, do you love this man?? If you do and your FH obviously loves you to stand up to his mum then maybe there is a way to work your way around it all. Could you limit your contact with them to only major events like Christmas? If FH wants to see the more then he can go on his own? Would it work for you to never see them apart from family obligations like weddings? Could you move away from them?

I am so sorry this is happening, but please don't take what they say to heart, they are fruitloops that will say anything to get what they want.

PS I know of a great website that is based soley on MIL stories where you might be able to get some experienced advice from. PM me if you are interested.
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#33 beth

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Posted 02 November 2006 - 04:42 PM

Hi,
I just wanted to tell you that I think you have handled this with such grace and strength and I think you need to know that. You seem like a lovely person who is being treated like crap by FMIL cos she is insecure. I hope this ends up being the wake up call your h2b needs to add some distance.
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#34 Lisa682

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Posted 03 November 2006 - 07:05 AM

QUOTE(beth @ Nov 2 2006, 05:42 PM) View Post

Hi,
I just wanted to tell you that I think you have handled this with such grace and strength and I think you need to know that. You seem like a lovely person who is being treated like crap by FMIL cos she is insecure. I hope this ends up being the wake up call your h2b needs to add some distance.
Beth


Thank You Beth!!! tongue.gif

You know if anything this situation with my FMIL has bought H2B and I closer together. I think FMIL can see that to. Last night was H2B birthday, and his parents invited him out for dinner to celebrate. H2B, natually asked me to go, I was hesitant, but went for his sake. When we got there FMIL look shocked to see me there and cryed at the table the whole night. No one apart from H2B spoke to me the whole time so I just sat there with a smile planted on my face! I didnt want her to see that I was intimidated by her. I felt bad that she cried all night but for all I know this was just a sympathy plea. Why couldn't she put all this crap aside for 1 night, to enjoy her son's birthday? It just proves to me that she is just so selfish.

Anyway I hope things are going to improve. Dont know how much more I can stand.


#35 ~steph~

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Posted 03 November 2006 - 08:07 AM

Honestly don't feel bad that she cried, she didn't need to, she should have realised by now that your HTB is going to invite you where ever they invite him!!!

You are doing so well!! With my IL's and the stupid things they do, I came to the conclusion after many years that all I could do was laugh at them and their stupid antics cause they are the only ones that think they are acting like grown ups, every other person just think they are the most childish people out there...

good luck - you are so lucky to have your HTB on your side.
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#36 Smooch

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Posted 03 November 2006 - 06:11 PM

OMG!!! This women is insane!

Babe, at least now his eyes are open to her manipulation and you do whatever you have to to stay strong.

Maybe ask your h2b if he has had issues like this with his mother previously. Doesn't sound like she just woke up a month ago and started acting like this.

As angry as I am hearing what she is doing to you, the women needs to seek help hey. This is not normal behaviour.

xox

#37 Avery

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Posted 04 November 2006 - 10:48 AM

I was once told that I was marrying my partner, not his family, I was only marrying "around" them.

I know that probally doesnt help an awful lot, but if he is the one that you want to be with, do not give him up because of her!

Besides, how many times a year do you actually have to see them? christmas and the odd birthday? Just freeze her out mad.gif

In the end she is the one that is going to loose out.

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#38 Impossible Princess

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Posted 05 November 2006 - 01:03 AM

I am sorry to hear you H2B's family are treating you this way.

Mr IP's father and step mother were not invited to our wedding. We have not communicated to them since we got engaged 3 years ago. H2B needs to make a decision, sometimes you can't have it both. Your future inlaws should not be be making it a choice for H2B. It is not about them. At the end of the day you and H2B are making a life long commitment to each other.

Good luck.

#39 Telle

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Posted 05 November 2006 - 04:40 AM

Lisa, I can't believe what a hard time you've been having. sad.gif

Through all of it you just have to remember, that this is not about you, this is about her.

She's scared because for all her son's life she's had him at arms reach and he's been hers. I don't know if he's an only child, or only son, which would make it worse.

She doesn't want to let go of him, and this is the only way she seems to know how to keep him. (By the way FMIL - it's not working!)

You teach people how to treat you. So far, I think you've done a great job at setting a standard and letting her know how you need to be treated. It's great that you have H2B on your side.

I think now H2B needs to set some new standards and work on getting a healthier relationship with her. Her being able to check his account is certainly not healthy and that needs to stop. No adult male needs his mother looking at how he spends his money.

And I think the golf needs to become a monthly thing. In any healthy relationship, weekly could work but in this relationship she's trying to be controlling and by changing the pattern she's losing a little of that control and Steve will be letting her know (without saying so) that he's entered a new stage in his life and that he has different priorities.

Sundays are for couples anyway! smile.gif

And lastly, get that ring back on your finger. You love Steve. FMIL would be getting the greatest delight not seeing that ring on your finger!

Good luck and stay strong.

Remember, this isn't about you (because you're a good, beautiful person), it's about her. smile.gif
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#40 Lisa682

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Posted 06 November 2006 - 11:01 AM

UPDATE -

Well I thought i would post a little update so you all know where we are at now. FH and I have now broken up. It has all just gotten so out of control. My family have had enough and have told me that, although they will support any decision that i make, they would be extreamly disappointed if I stayed with FH. FM&FIL have said that they dont want anything to do with me or my family and that I am no longer welcome in their house. FH has been to them and told them that we have broken up and that he is going to try his best to make things up to me, so that we can get back together and if they dont like it - then they have lost a son.

We are still living in the same house (separate rooms now) and now the tension is affecting our relationship.

Last Friday I was happy in love with the man of my dreams and now I am single and cant stop crying and dont know what i am going to do with my life.

It hurts SO much i feel broken inside.


#41 ~steph~

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Posted 06 November 2006 - 11:06 AM

Oh Lisa, I don't know what to say sad.gif sad.gif

It is so unfair on you to have now both families getting involved... would it be possible for the two of you to go away somewhere to sort it out between you (without any interference from family??)
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#42 Lisa682

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Posted 06 November 2006 - 11:17 AM

QUOTE(Steph O @ Nov 6 2006, 12:06 PM) View Post

Oh Lisa, I don't know what to say sad.gif sad.gif

It is so unfair on you to have now both families getting involved... would it be possible for the two of you to go away somewhere to sort it out between you (without any interference from family??)


Well while we are still living together we are going to try and work out if this situation is one we could live with. Then if it is, we are going to move far far away. not to run away f rom our problems, but the give us some time in a relationship with just the 2 of us for a change. Then if it doesnt work from there, we would have given it everything we could to make it work.

Neither of us are really willing to upset our families by staying together and moving - so i just dont know what our future holds.




#43 Wippy

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Posted 06 November 2006 - 11:28 AM

Oh my goodness! I only read all this today! This is just awful. I really feel sorry for you and Steve. I think moving FAR away is one of the best ideas.... howabout somewhere without telephones too. That woman is a crazy bitch! My grandma says: "your daughter's your daughter for life, but your son's only your son til he finds a wife." Then he will follow her. She seriously needs to figure out that he is not a little baby anymore and needs his own life. Golf? Weird if you ask me.
All the best sweets and let us know what you decide to do.
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#44 tastebud

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Posted 06 November 2006 - 11:53 AM

Who do these people think they are????! I've been following your story but didn't think I could add anything worthwhile that the others hadn't already said.

(Till now).

My heart goes out to you and the predicament you are in but I think it is time for you guys to get ANGRY.

You and h2b have to be unwavering here!! Bricks and mortar IYKWIM. Are there any other factors here that we're not getting Lisa? The fact that these people have the power to break up a relationship between two adults - simply cos they don't like it - appalls me!!!

TWO ADULTS. Thats right there are only two adults in this situation and your future in-laws are not those two adults.

It seems that it is up to you to step up and be the adults here and just go about your lives with or without the interferers. Either they toe the line and come to the party or they miss out.

I realise its a lot easier said than done. And it's a real shame that you have to be the role models for the middle-aged ones.

Best of luck to you, hope you & lover can find some peace.... x
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#45 Lisa682

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Posted 06 November 2006 - 12:19 PM

QUOTE(tastebud @ Nov 6 2006, 12:53 PM) View Post

Who do these people think they are????! I've been following your story but didn't think I could add anything worthwhile that the others hadn't already said.

(Till now).

My heart goes out to you and the predicament you are in but I think it is time for you guys to get ANGRY.

You and h2b have to be unwavering here!! Bricks and mortar IYKWIM. Are there any other factors here that we're not getting Lisa? The fact that these people have the power to break up a relationship between two adults - simply cos they don't like it - appalls me!!!

TWO ADULTS. Thats right there are only two adults in this situation and your future in-laws are not those two adults.

It seems that it is up to you to step up and be the adults here and just go about your lives with or without the interferers. Either they toe the line and come to the party or they miss out.

I realise its a lot easier said than done. And it's a real shame that you have to be the role models for the middle-aged ones.

Best of luck to you, hope you & lover can find some peace.... x


Nope - thats them in a nut shell. everyone in FH's family cant Stand FMIL - but no one has ever had the courage to speak up - well I will not live my life putting up with her crap, and if everyone else is too gutless to stand up to her, I for sure am NOT. Its just a pity that it has cost me my relationship.

FH's (older) brothers girlfriend - cops it worse than me. but never says any thing.
FH's cousin has had a tough time with this mental woman as well but yet has not said anything
FH's Aunties and Uncles all cant stand her and only see her when they have to - BUT YET NO ONE SATNDS UP TO HER!

They all whinge about her behind her back and when I tell them about how she is treating me - they are they are like "Oh Lisa you have to make a stand" and then when i actually do - they are all no where to be seen to support what I have just said.

I know that's its not me - If FH was with anyone else, that poor girl would be going through the same problems with her.

I just dont want to be one of those girls who stays with her man cause she doesnt think anyone else will love her. I am scared as hell that I am not going to be able to find anyone - but i dont want that to be the reason why I stay.

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