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Problems with my FMIL


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#16 Keir

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 08:35 PM

QUOTE(Lisa682 @ Oct 16 2006, 02:57 PM) View Post

Sorry Hun! unsure.gif


No problem - you actually did me a favor as this spurred h2b to call his parents and ask why the only photo from our engagement party they had printed and framed was of him and his sister? And NOT me and him?

His mother cried and said it didn't occur to her rolleyes.gif And that she doesn't even know me as she only sees me once every 6 months!

Here's a tip - be nice to me and I'll actually want to come and visit!!!

She then played the 'diabetes' card and said she had to go and have a blood test next week... boo hoo!!! (Sorry if that seems insensitive, but I am sick of hearing about all her different (minor) illnesses every time we see them!).


Lisa -
Get your h2b to stand up for you now, or he'll never do it!!

#17 Puggie

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Posted 17 October 2006 - 08:11 AM

QUOTE(Lisa682 @ Oct 16 2006, 02:08 PM) View Post

Steve doesnt want to get involved. He has said to me that what ever happens - we are not cancelling our wedding. but what upsets me is that he doesnt stick up for me to her.

I don't see how Steve has a CHOICE but to get involved. He has asked you to make a LIFELONG COMMITTMENT to him, but he's not willing to let his family know that you are now his family, too, and that he won't have your treated like this? dry.gif

Relations between my MIL and I have not always been wonderful, but my HTB has been great - smoothing the way where he can, giving us our space together when we need it, and prodding us to make an effort to meet halfway when he can. He WANTS me to have a close relationship with his family, and slowly this is happening.

Perhaps you need to talk to your finacee about why he is unwilling to become a part of resolving this problem?


#18 Lisa682

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Posted 17 October 2006 - 08:43 AM

QUOTE(Kir @ Oct 16 2006, 08:35 PM) View Post

No problem - you actually did me a favor as this spurred h2b to call his parents and ask why the only photo from our engagement party they had printed and framed was of him and his sister? And NOT me and him?

His mother cried and said it didn't occur to her rolleyes.gif And that she doesn't even know me as she only sees me once every 6 months!

Here's a tip - be nice to me and I'll actually want to come and visit!!!

She then played the 'diabetes' card and said she had to go and have a blood test next week... boo hoo!!! (Sorry if that seems insensitive, but I am sick of hearing about all her different (minor) illnesses every time we see them!).
Lisa -
Get your h2b to stand up for you now, or he'll never do it!!


No thats not insensitive at all - sometime you just get over it all! I get the "When I've passed on" (cause his mum is quite an old mum) - Darling your not going anywhere - only the good die young!

I had a chat with H2B last night and he has said that he has already spoken to him Mum on Sunday while they were playing golf (yes he plays golf with his Mummy every weekend). He apparently told her that she can NOT speak to me like that under no circumstances! and that i am here to stay - so get used to it. YIP PEE! although after he told her this she told him about the surprise birthday party I was organising for him! I guess if thats the worst that she can do - I will survive!

Thanks every one for your advise. this is the first time I have left a comment on here. I have been stressing out SO much over so many things and bottling it all up. This has really helped!

Thanks


#19 Guest_tobewed_Guest

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Posted 17 October 2006 - 10:58 AM

OMG who dose she think she is????

I think you handled it well and it is not up to her to decide weather you marry or not... mad.gif

I feel so sorry that you have to put up with a woman who seems all talk and no action, cause if she really cared about family values then she would understand that her son is in love and NOT try to start all these dramas......

xxxmichellexxx

#20 Jaime

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Posted 17 October 2006 - 11:08 AM

QUOTE(Lisa682 @ Oct 17 2006, 08:43 AM) View Post

although after he told her this she told him about the surprise birthday party I was organising for him! I guess if thats the worst that she can do - I will survive!



What a spiteful bitch!!! this makes my MIL look quite saintly too (only quite tho tongue.gif ) Good luck to you - you're going to need it with her in your life.


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#21 Lisa682

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Posted 17 October 2006 - 12:15 PM

QUOTE(tobewed @ Oct 17 2006, 10:58 AM) View Post

OMG who dose she think she is????

I think you handled it well and it is not up to her to decide weather you marry or not... mad.gif

I feel so sorry that you have to put up with a woman who seems all talk and no action, cause if she really cared about family values then she would understand that her son is in love and NOT try to start all these dramas......

xxxmichellexxx


Thanks Michelle - you are ringht - I never thought of it that way!


#22 TK3

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Posted 22 October 2006 - 08:13 PM

I just read it out to my FH and he was disgusted that anyone would do something like that.

I am gobsmacked as to why she can even say those words to you. Whatever your family issues are, are none of her business and she should concentrate on not losing her son because of her nasty words to you. Tell her if she tries to control your wedding then she can consider herself not invites...end of story.

Hugs to you.

#23 Smooch

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Posted 23 October 2006 - 10:08 AM

OMG What a *^%$ing bitch!

I'd call her up and make a time to meet with her for coffee and when your sitting down, lay your cards on the table to her.

Let her know the following:
* that you don't appreciate her getting inbetween you and h2b and spoiling things for you like the engagement and birthday party
* that your h2b is a grown man and its about time she stopped getting involved in his personal finances
* that if she had any idea regarding family values then she would understand that 2 people in love do not need a 3rd party constantly being in the relationship and that 3rd person is her
* that you have never said anything before and have tried your hardest to get along with her and keep h2b out of it, however you have had enough and its time for her to either get over her issues with you or live with the fact that she is never going to have any kind of relationship with you, and seeing as you plan on being around till death do you part, its going to be a long and miserable road for her as well

THEN

you need to sit down with h2b and let him know that you are not going to be 3rd best in your relationship due to his mother butting in all the time. I can't believe he isn't pissed with her anyway for spoiling the engagement and birthday!

He needs to stand up for you and not let mummy dearest run his life.

I'm sorry but if this is happening now, can you only imagine what it will be like when you have kids! This women needs to be put in her place and told that he little boy is actually now a grown man and time to cut the apron strings.

I can't believe it. I used to date a guy like this and his mother drove me nuts! Good luck though babe, cause your going to need it!
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#24 ~~Neek~~

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Posted 23 October 2006 - 02:59 PM

Oh darl. I feel so so sorry for you. My MIL is like that too.

Can I just say. It is not up to you to make the relationship with you and the MIL work. It's your hubby's job to tell his mother off about all this. (that's what our counsellor told us)

If it means that he doesn't play golf with her any more, or restricts phone conversations until she plays nice. So be it. She needs to understand that when she hurts your feelings it hurts your husband too.

My hubby is getting better at it at the moment. Well only cauze MIL and I dont actually speak anymore but still. It's better than before...

Good luck to you chicky and stay strong.. Dont let her push you around or you'll be pushed forever.



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#25 ~Camilla~

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Posted 23 October 2006 - 04:47 PM

I cant believe she can behave like that !!

Steve definately has to stand up for you and say something otherwise this is going to get so much more nasty which you don't need in the lead up to your wedding.

I hope everything works out for you smile.gif
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#26 mj2

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Posted 26 October 2006 - 05:33 PM

Sorry lovey but I agree. I can understand why H2B may not want to get involved (sounds like it may not be a barrell of laughs having her as a mother as well as a MIL dry.gif ), but really it's not an option not to.

Sounds like they are a close family in which case he needs them to understand how much he loves you and wants his entire family (new and old, chosen and inherited) to get along. A horrible job for him, but remember SHE has caused this situation not you and if she really cares about her son she will see she's hurting you both and stop it before she loses you both.

As for the surprise party - disappointing but no major harm done. Clearly from here on in she's not to be trusted with secrets, that's all rolleyes.gif

Chin up! Don't let her get you down.
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#27 chelley

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Posted 27 October 2006 - 10:39 AM

I had issues with the inlaws as well before we got married and start how you intend to go on - treat them like children and make clear boundaries for how you will accept being treated.

People treat you how you allow them too - and while yes Steve needs to grow a bit more spine when it comes to defending you, and his mother needs to have the umbilical cord cut - you also need to be strong.

Something is worth this - and his name is Steve. Let her stay outside of your relationship - not come between you
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#28 Avery

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Posted 29 October 2006 - 12:51 PM

my jaw literally dropped when I read your post, how can someone would be so horrible and spiteful!

She cannot choose who her son falls in love with, and it certinatly is not up to her to be telling you this.

She is an adult, and as such she should shut the f*ck up and deal with it LIKE an adult.

hugs all round!
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#29 Lisa682

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Posted 31 October 2006 - 08:57 AM

HI ladies,

Thanks you all SO much for your help and advise.

These past few days have been by far the worst i have ever had. On Friday i went wedding dress shopping with my Mum as I had found a dress i had really liked and wanted to know her opinion. So my Mum travels for 3 hours to come and look at the dress.... She loved it - I then decided to order it in. Then my Mum suggested to me that before placing the order that we go to lunch and have a chat. At lunch she told me that my FMIL has been calling my parents and harrassing them, trying to convince them to try and get me to change my mind about going through with the wedding. this apparently has been going on for some time and my Mum thought that i should know what she has been doing and what i would be getting my self in for by marrying FH.

This news - although not overly surprising - absolutly devasted me! i was an emotional wreck - i cant for the life of me work out WHY on earth FMIL is acting this way. I am a good person and dont deserve this treatment.

Then and there I decided to go back home with my Mum, just for a break to clear my head. while i was home i was explaining to my parents the kind of things FMIL has said to me over the past 3 years and my parents are absolutly ropable.

When I back back to Sydney, i sat down with Steve and explained to him what has been going on. and that if this was to continue I was going to have to leave - because i cant live my life this way. So we decided to go over to his parents house and find out what the hell was going on and to let them know that this behaviour is unacceptable. FH was finally ready to stand up to them!!

We had the chat to them and told them we were not happy and they have totally denied they they have been treating me badly and they were totally offended that i would "make up" such stories!!! They then went onto bad mouth my parents to me, calling them all kinds of names and calling me a liar. the looke da tme with such disgust and turn all of this back around on me and my family. they said that they ARE NOT happy that FH and I are getting married cause they feel that we are too young (we are 25) and they have heard (from a girl who used to be my friend - but whith whom i have have had a falling out with about 6 months ago) that I blackmaled FH into marrying me and told him that he is to propose to me or get lost - which is totally untrue considering i didnt even know he was going to proposed until FMIL told me when she saw the payment for my ring on his bank account details

On our way home - I was talking with FH - (who by the way, you would be pleased to know stuck up for me to his parents). i was SO overwelmed by all this - that i gave back my engagement ring to him and told him i was sorry and that i could go on like this and be apart of his family! He is now refusing to let me go.

I have no i dea what to do now. I dont want to break up with FH but i dont see that i have any other choice, cause i cant and will not go on living in constant distress cause of his family!

What should I do????? I'm so depressed!


#30 Keir

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Posted 31 October 2006 - 09:03 AM

Oh Lisa I feel so bad for you!

Your FIL's are truly horrible people!

I'm so glad to hear your FH stuck up for you, I hope he is prepared for a long haul - it sounds like these people are not going to give up without a fight!

What a manipulative cow your FMIL is...

I can tell you, FH should NOT be speaking to them again til they apologised to you.




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