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Problems with my FMIL


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#1 Lisa682

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 01:33 PM

Sorry I need to vent

On Saturday my FMIL invited me to coffee - as we dont really get along i was excited that she was making an effort how ever it consisted of her telling me that she is not happy that Steve and I are getting married, and is disappointed that I don’t get along with my family cause it demonstrates to her that I don’t have strong family values and that she is concerned that I will have the same attitude with her family once I marry Steve - Then she started crying saying that she has worked to hard to ensure that her family all gets along to have ME come and ruin it - then she told me that if I don’t make a mends with my family and prove to her that I am worth being part of their family - the wedding is off!

I told her to mind her own business - my family problems have nothing to do with her and are no a reflection of my family values! And if she does go ahead and put a stop to our wedding the only person she would be hurting is herself cause I know for a fact that Steve would not forgive her for that!

So basically I am on trial!!!! I was SO close to packing up and moving to another country yesterday. Nothing is worth this much trouble! It's doing my head in!

PLEASE HELP




#2 Cathleen

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 01:44 PM

WHAT?

I must have misread what you said, that could not have happened in real life.





Nope, just re-read and you did say what I thought. How f*cking rude of her. I am gobsmacked!!!!!

What does Steve say? I think he should be coming into this equation somewhere tbh.

#3 Lisa682

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:08 PM

I wish it wasnt true - but it is!

Steve doesnt want to get involved. He has said to me that what ever happens - we are not cancelling our wedding. but what upsets me is that he doesnt stick up for me to her.

I just dont know what to do anymore!


#4 Keir

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:12 PM

Wow! Like Cathy I am in shock!!

I'd be very unhappy with my h2b if he didn't stick up for me, but I can kinda see mine wouldn't want to get involved either.

I can tell you if my FMIL did that to me, wedding would still be going ahead and I'd be never speaking to her again!

#5 Lisa682

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:24 PM

Thanks for your replies!

This is just one of many instances. when I first met Steve she pulled me aside and accussed me of only being with him for his/ their family money!!

She checks his bank accounts and when Steve bought my engagement ring she saw the purchase on his account and called him and had words with him about it - then she called me and accussed me of "making" him get it - Even though the engagement was a surprise and I knew nothing about it - So she spoilt that.

We had our engagement party at her place (cause she has a big place) and she was incharge of sending all the invites (they where all written out - all she had to do was post them) and she only sent out the ones she wanted to come - without us knowing and all our friends and some family members where upset that we didnt invite them.

It goes on and on!


#6 ~steph~

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:27 PM

Oh man you poor thing!!!

Sorry but maybe it has come time for Steve to get involved... Otherwise things could only get worse (if that is possible!!!)

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#7 Keir

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:29 PM

Ok it sounds like this woman has way too much control over your h2b - how does she check his bank account?
And why was she in charge of the engagement party invitations?

Sorry, but to me it sounds like this has gone on too long. You and your h2b need to stand up to her.

#8 *Dale*

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:30 PM

Wow that make my INlaws look like saints. this honeslty is really not on.

What make she think she an treat you like this? Why doens't he stick up for you. i would be so angry at him honestly.


#9 pinkbutterfly

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:32 PM

Steve HAS to get involved. Yo need to tell him how upset his mother is making oyu. He needs to stand up to her and tell her that if she doesnt want you around, then that means he wont be around wither. He has to make it clear that if comes down to it, you are his first priority now.

What a biatch!!!!
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#10 Keir

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:38 PM

I just asked my h2b what he would do and he now has the sh!ts with me for thinking he'd just sit back and "not want to get involved".
He said he'd tell his mother to butt out (and a few expletives) if she wanted to stay a part of our lives!

#11 Dreams

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:54 PM

Its one thing for him to say he wants the wedding to go ahead, but he should not let his mother talk to you like that.

You are the one he is going to marry, you are the one who he is going to spean the rest of his life with, not her, he needs to step up and tell her to stop it.

My mother had a mother in law like that for 30 years, and you know what the only one hurting is her, cause none of our family see her!

I would ask her if she wants to see her grandchildren?
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#12 Lisa682

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 02:57 PM

QUOTE(Kir @ Oct 16 2006, 02:38 PM) View Post

I just asked my h2b what he would do and he now has the sh!ts with me for thinking he'd just sit back and "not want to get involved".
He said he'd tell his mother to butt out (and a few expletives) if she wanted to stay a part of our lives!


Sorry Hun! unsure.gif

your are all right - he should get involved. I just feel so bad cause he is really close to them and i dont want to ruin their relationship just cause his mum and i dont get on!

I also feel like if Steve did stand up for me - they she would just see that as me working my "evil magic" on him. and she can then blame me for something else - does that make sense?

I have been standing up for myself and I dont let her get away with treating me this way - but it doesnt make me feel any less hurt especially seeing as I am having problems with my own family as it is!!


#13 Harmonie

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 03:17 PM

Oh my - What can I say - I would definatley have a chat between you and FH and work out what you both want - Then dictate it to FMIL or do not tell her anything about the wedding so she can no longer have any say. Chose not to have her in your life...

Or elope!

I have had a little run in with my FMIL in the past - And since that day we no longer go there every week - Funnyily eough she realises now its not me keeping FH for her its him being lazy and I was the one that pushed him. But since sticking up to her (FH kinda stuck up for me but I wanted him out of it!) it has been really good. Set your boundaries now before you get married and before it goes on... She has no right to tell who her son marries as he has to be happy not her - You don't live with her!

I wish you all the best...


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#14 MrsO

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 06:53 PM

No advise, just a 'sorry you're going through this' post sad.gif

I don't speak to my in-laws at all, so I sympathise. Mine aren't even invited to our wedding (not because of ME, long story).



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#15 suzannem

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Posted 16 October 2006 - 08:33 PM

I really feel for you as i also have a interferring MIL2B. However your one is bad. I know it's hard but don't let her get to you too much. At the end of the day you are marrying H2B and despite what she may think she cannot come between you guys.
I will say while i can understand people saying to you steve should step in and deal with his mother, it's easier said than done
Some mother's have big holds over their sons and despite what we want them to do or say it can be incredibly hard. Men just want to keep the peace but believe me i'm not defending any man's inability to stand up to his mother.
I've shed many tears over this same issue the last year however now i've come to accept that H2b is simply not able to stand up to her, i seen her in a rage when people try and say something which she doesn't agree with, so now i understand!
I agree with the other girls on here, put a bit of distance between her and you she will soon realise she can't speak to you like that and get away with it.






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