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Nature v's Nurture


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#1 heapha

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Posted 27 June 2006 - 01:46 PM

OK I guess my situation is not so different from many. I come from a broken home, my parents divorsed when I was 2 and my father up until recent years didn't really make much effort to spend time with us. I guess as he has watched my half brother (he is remarried) grow up he realised what he missed with us and has made vague attempts to patch it up.

There is a lot of water under the bridge and many things that he has done that have hurt. The two biggest examples I can give are that when he got remarried neither myself or my brother and sisters (all his children) were invited to the wedding and the second would be that when I was in hospital having my spleen out he was in queensland on a holiday. He lives 3 hours from us and we talk occasionally at best.

My mother on the other hand has raised me my whole life, she has been there in all the good and bad times and realistically everything that I am today is thanks to her - and believe me it would not have been an easy journey for her.

I feel that my Mother deserves the right to walk me down the isle. My sister however is giving me greif saying that it would really hurt my father as he is expecting to walk me down the isle. It is tradition but then so is him paying for everything and we haven't asked for that. Part of me says stuff him I will do what I want but the other part says he IS my father and I don't what to hurt anyone.

Just wondering if anyone else has a suggestion on how to get round and/or broach this subject.
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#2 alemona

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Posted 27 June 2006 - 01:55 PM

Can you have them both walk you down the aisle? That way you would include your mother without upsetting your father..... Just a suggestion.

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#3 2 Kidlets 4 Me

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Posted 27 June 2006 - 01:56 PM

This has never happened to me so perhaps I am not the best person to answer but in my honest opinion, I say go with what you feel. Your mother means alot to you and I think she would be truly honoured if you asked her to walk you down the aisle. Your mother has played a tremendous part in your life, moreso than your father.

Yes, it is tradition for the father to walk his daughter down the aisle but many traditions are broken these days and it doesn't have to be that way. Perhaps have your father play another part in the ceremony that is still important but not as much impact.

Don't let your sister bully you into anything you don't want to do. Perhaps if your father was more involved in your life as you were growing up then he would have the right to assume or expect that he would walk you down the aisle.

Good luck with what you decide.
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#4 belindak

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Posted 27 June 2006 - 03:38 PM

I would say go with your heart and get your mum to walk you down the isle.
Which would you regret later, if any, having your dad walk you down instead of your mum, or not having your dad? thats how i would look at it. It seems to me your mum has done more for you your entire life and would be more significant in your life. I would rather have that memory to share with someone that you know you will actually be able to share it with later, and talk about together in the future etc , not just somebody that wants to do it and once its done wouldnt be as interested or it be as meaninful to them IYKWIM - sorry not sure if that last part made sense, i know what i mean though biggrin.gif

But I agree, dont let your sister bully you into doing something you dont want, you'll just regret it later.

I would say go with your heart and get your mum to walk you down the isle.
Which would you regret later, if any, having your dad walk you down instead of your mum, or not having your dad? thats how i would look at it. It seems to me your mum has done more for you your entire life and would be more significant in your life. I would rather have that memory to share with someone that you know you will actually be able to share it with later, and talk about together in the future etc , not just somebody that wants to do it and once its done wouldnt be as interested or it be as meaninful to them IYKWIM - sorry not sure if that last part made sense, i know what i mean though biggrin.gif

But I agree, dont let your sister bully you into doing something you dont want, you'll just regret it later.
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#5 Mummy Brooke

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Posted 27 June 2006 - 03:52 PM

I also agree that you need to follow your heart and do what you want to do, which by the sounds of the post is have your mum walk you down the aisle. It is your day and you want it to be perfect, you don't want to regret it later on down the track. If your sister wants to have your Dad on her wedding day, then that is her decision. She needs to respect that this is your day and you really want your Mum to do this.

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#6 bokissa

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Posted 29 June 2006 - 09:04 AM

Get your mum to walk you down the aisle.

Traditions have to start somewhere, start yours now..

If your sister feels a different way, tell her to do it at her wedding...


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#7 Oldie

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Posted 30 June 2006 - 12:48 PM

You get to choose who you want to walk you down the aisle. It is not for anyone else to say.

If you feel that it is a right that your Mum is entitled to, then do it.

I had neither of my parents walk me down the aisle as that is what I choose to do and no one had a problem with it at all.
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#8 Jo P

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Posted 30 June 2006 - 03:11 PM

Im also from a complicated extended family and have given myself grief over this matter. Ive now decided to have both my Mother and Father walk me down the aisle.

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#9 Renee`

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Posted 30 June 2006 - 03:20 PM

My sister went through this and the option is never easy. Her situation was slightly difference but similiar.

My thouyghts are that your mother should be given the immeadiate honour.
Is there no reason why maybe your dad can't take you half way down and then hand you over to your mother?
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#10 Nikki_A

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Posted 30 June 2006 - 06:03 PM

My Nan (foster mum) is walking me down the aisle.

Iíd always wanted my Pop, but he passed away in2003. sad.gif

All my family will Attend, but I have never been real close with any of my
immediate family, therefore didnít see why any of them should be given the privilege over my Nan..

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#11 Vik

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Posted 30 June 2006 - 06:28 PM

Such a difficult decision for you.

Weddings can be occasions where the decisions that we make can cause problems in the future and rifts in families that take a long time to heal.

I have no idea who is the best person to walk you down the aisle, only you know who is the best person to have that honour.

All the best in making your decision. smile.gif
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#12 *~Princess~*

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Posted 30 June 2006 - 10:26 PM

Your situation is very similar to a friend of mine who was married last year.

She was solely raised by her mother and her father only entered her life late in life.

She had her mother walk her down the asle. I think a father has to earn that priveledge to walk his daughter down the asle.

#13 2 Kidlets 4 Me

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Posted 01 July 2006 - 09:08 AM

Hi, just wondering how you went with your decision as to who will be walking you down the aisle?
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<br>Michelle and Mark - married Saturday, 29th June 2002 (webpage)
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Tegan Sienna - born Monday, 27th July 2009

</centre><br>e-mail: majk2906@bigpond.net.au

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#14 bunchy

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Posted 01 July 2006 - 10:12 AM

Your mum was there for you. That's the decision made as far as I'm concerned.

If you MUST have your dad, don't even think of NOT having your mum as well. Walking you down the aisle is a privilege, not a right that a man earns because of a fact of genetics.
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#15 In Visible

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Posted 10 July 2006 - 10:43 PM

Im having my mum and dad walk me down the aisle. My mum was always there for me and basically raised me as my dad worked away a lot. He missed out on lots of things and he isnt always an easy man to get along with. But its my wedding day and im letting everything in the past go. My dear dad has realised his mistakes and it took him to be on his near death bed to realise it.

Things are much better now and he actually tells me he loves me!!! Huge improvment!

Go with what your heart tells you. No matter what you tell us on here we can never truly understand the situation you are in. Would you regret not asking your dad also? Your mum definetly deserves some recognition though.

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