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What do I do?

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#16 Mrs_Thingo


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Posted 20 February 2004 - 08:25 AM

I think I must be the exception here as our guest list was almost 100% our choice of people! MIL did suggest two additiions and these were added cheerfully as they had nowhere near the number of guests that my side of the family had.

In the end Eff, it has to be what you want. It is your (you and hubby) day and you should have what you want. Ignore the rabble. One of my BM was the ex-girlfriend of my brother. I said to him, "It is my wedding and you can be nice to XX for one day!". He did be nice, and I was proud of him and happy that he did that for me!

I think that if people can't put aside their differences for one day for your sake, then perhaps they don't deserve to be invited (Or even considered for an invite!)

It is hard and I think it is the most controversial part of organising the wedding, apart from the seating arrangements! But in the end you decide what is important to you and go for it!

Good luck!

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#17 Mozma Pearson

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Posted 20 February 2004 - 10:02 AM

QUOTE (Miss Eff @ Feb 19 2004, 02:45 PM)

1/ My parents want to pay for the wedding but dont think its right that the in-laws won't pay and yet expect us to foot the bill for their family plus additional guests.
2/ His parents wont pay for anything but want to invite additional guests to immediate family and cousins.
3/ His brother refuses to come to the wedding if his in-laws arent invited

Here is what my friend done in a very similiar position. She simply eloped and just had her parents there. They (but this is extravagent - you can do something a little more simple - it simple depends on you) flew to Las Vegas. She had her parents there - as they wanted to be involved, but his parents - didn't want to contribute at all. Then in the end the money her parents wanted to contribute to the wedding - they used for plane tickets. The money her and her fiance saved - they used for their plane tickets.

To save her a bit of money - she did this in non-peak season. His parents were not too happy - however in this case - she told me she and her hubby to be had to be strong willed and minded. They sat down and told his parents what they exactly thought of the situation, and why they were going ahead with this plan.

I don't know how it may go - it just depends on the in-laws (his were Italian). However his in-laws soon realised that their actions and behaviours were immature. And that they in fact were being childish about the whole situation.

Nevertheless - they missed out and my friend her H2B and her parents wen and eloped. When they came back - they just had a big formal party. And all was well.

Hope this helps - please contact me as I would love to know if things work out!

Luv Moz
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#18 Callinda



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Posted 20 February 2004 - 10:10 AM

Luckily I was like Tammy & the guest list was pretty much my decision - there was only one couple (my cousin & her husband) who I really really didnt want to invite, but in the end mum said its easier to just invite her & she probably wont come anyway (but she did, grrr!). In fact, I actually rang MIL a few times just to make sure there werent any other people she wanted invited as her list was pretty short, LOL!

But anyway back to your situation. I think you should say to your MIL that your side is inviting just say 30 family members and ask if she could draw up a list of 30 people from there side. If she says there is more then say that the venue only hold so many people and that your parents cant afford to pay any more than that anyway. Suggest that if they want more people invited then maybe they should consider going halves in the cost (watch them narrow down the numbers!!).

In regards to your BIL, he has absolutely no right to dictate who can be at the wedding. Maybe get your brother to suggest to him that his ILs are welcome at the ceremony (which after all is the most important part of the day), however the reception will be limited to close family & friends.

Best of luck & I hope you get the situation resolved!
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