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Am I in the minority???


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#1 Leonie

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Posted 16 February 2004 - 11:53 PM

I was in a bridal store today (yes I know I have my dress already, but I was with a friend who is getting married). I have not seen this friend for about 3 years and all of a sudden I am her MOH. Anyway back to my point.

She is marrying a guy I knew very well a few years back and they have been dating for about 5 years now. Anyway last time I saw her was when her boyfriend (Now fiance) had kicked her out of her own home (her parents had given it to her for her 21st) and he was very abusive. I told her that I could not longer sit back and do nothing, so either she left him or I would leave as I simply can not stand to see women let themselves be treated like that even though they know it is wrong.

Anyway when I picked her up he yells out to her "Don't be long b**ch' I have my mates coming over for an X box session at 1 and we will need some food" I was mortified and asked her how she could let herself be treated like that. She just replied with "it will all changed after the wedding" Oh my is she deluding herself or what?

Anyway I declined her MOH invite, as I simply can not stand there and support her when I know how he treats her.
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#2 babybeatlebug

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 12:05 AM

This is just my opinion but...

I believe that you are right in declining the invite. I have a friend that is with a guy that treats her in a similar way to your friend and there is no way that I would stand there and support their marrige either (as far as I know they are not planning marrige at this time). It seems to me that alot of people I know are just get married or engaged just for the 'look' of it. I makes me sad when it all happens and then ends very quickly because there was no real love there.

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#3 ~Nat~

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 09:03 AM

Wow, what unbelievable behaviour!

I have to say, I would decline the invitation to be MOH too! I couldn't stand there, and give my support to the marriage of such a troubled relationship.
Did you explain to your friend why you couldn't accept the MOH role?
Your friend seems to be setting herself up for disappointment in thinking everything will change after the wedding - quite possibly it could get worse!
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#4 Mrs_Thingo

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 09:06 AM

Leonie I think you have done the right thing in declining your friend's invitation to be her MOH. It would be almost hypocritical to stand beside her, hearing her vows and knowing how he treats her.

I feel sorry for your friend. Nothing will change after the wedding. My mum's friend has been engaged about five times, each time to a guy who treated her like your friend's H2B treats her. The father of her only living child, slammed the glass door in her face causing her to be hospitalised while they removed shards of glass from her eyes. He also tried to give their 3 week old baby ventolin as he was coughing and having trouble breathing... I can only hope that this does NOT happen to your friend. Nightmare situation all around.

This may sound nasty but I hope that she comes to her senses before the wedding!

I commend you on your decision!

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#5 Mrs_Thingo

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 09:08 AM

Leonie I think you have done the right thing in declining your friend's invitation to be her MOH. It would be almost hypocritical to stand beside her, hearing her vows and knowing how he treats her.

I feel sorry for your friend. Nothing will change after the wedding. My mum's friend has been engaged about five times, each time to a guy who treated her like your friend's H2B treats her. The father of her only living child, slammed the glass door in her face causing her to be hospitalised while they removed shards of glass from her eyes. He also tried to give their 3 week old baby ventolin as he was coughing and having trouble breathing... I can only hope that this does NOT happen to your friend. Nightmare situation all around.

This may sound nasty but I hope that she comes to her senses before the wedding!

I commend you on your decision!

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#6 Jane

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 09:35 AM

As someone who's been on the recieving end of such behaviour I just wanted to add that whilst I think you've made the right choice to not encourage the wedding you also need to make it very clear to your friend that you're still their for her if she needs you. Trust me at some point this girl will (hopefully) wake up to what's happening and leave him and when she does she's going to need all your support and friendship. I know it's hard to sit back and watch her go through this but IMO you have an obligation to your friend to not walk away. When I was in an abusive relationship all my friends abondoned me and I felt totaly isolated, if I had of felt that I could have confided in someone without being judged then I might have left a lot sooner then I did.
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#7 Luca's mum

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 09:39 AM

Goodness, that's just dreadful behaviour. Hope your friends' eye's are opened up real soon and hopefully before the wedding!
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#8 little possum

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 12:59 PM

Leonie I do have to agree with the others I think you have made the right choice in not being MOH if you aren't supportive of the relationship (and neither would I be) but yes I do have to agree with Jane.. please still make sure that your friend knows you there for her no matter what... its easy on the outside to see whats wrong... but on the inside there's a lot of emotions... and hopes involved... we can sit here and look at it from a far with no attachement to the situation and see what it really is.. but when emotions become involved... we aren't some times to rational wink.gif

but man do I have my fingers crossed for your friend that this mariage isn't one to make it to the alter..
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#9 Mozma Pearson

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Posted 17 February 2004 - 01:25 PM

Oh My gosh - That is awful. I think she should really think about the situation and what is happening. Personally - if I was your friend, I would either look at reason - is here marrying me because he loves me for me - or is he marrying me for me to wait on him the rest of his life. Also - does he have something over her. For example, my friend was in a relationship where she thought she was getting too old and that she would never find anyone to marry. However I explained - don't simply marry the first guy you are with and become desperate. Everyone has a soul mate and you might not meet him today or tomorrow - but you will eventually meet him.

Your friend should really look at the reasons to why she is marrying this guy - for love or for something else. Imagine - things could get worse. All you can do is be a supportive friend and give her the best advice she needs.

Hope things work out!


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#10 Leonie

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Posted 18 February 2004 - 01:07 AM

I can't remember where I posted it, but I posted a reply to a message (I think from Sobian) about my ex fiance. He was sweet as pie to me, but his next girlfriend nearly ended up dead because she didn't cook lasagne as good as me (my lasagne is average in my mind).

I just really do not want to see this happen to her. My ex wasn't abusive at all, in fact he didn't even argue with me 'what ever you want sweety' was all he would say. And then he turns into this. Who knows what this guy will do.
Sorry for any typos, I have a dislocated shoulder nerve.

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#11 Guest_M&G_Guest

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Posted 18 February 2004 - 09:13 AM

OMG that guy is unbelievable! Its sad some guys think they can treat women in such a way. I hope he either dramatically changes his ways (probably not) or your friend decides she deserves better and leaves him! And good on you for declining the invitation!

#12 ButterflyKisses

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Posted 18 February 2004 - 09:23 AM

Thats so terrible. I cannot comprehend how someone would put up with verbal abuse. I'd be so horrified if my finace called me that in front of my friends and expected me to come home and cook for them all.

I think you did the right thing declining being her MOH. You said you hadn't seen her for three years and then all of a sudden you're her MOH? Does she not have closer friends (don't take that the wrong way, I just mean you haven't seen her for like three years!) that she would consider for this, or has she lost all of them because of her finaces behaviour? I know my friends would be disgusted if I were treated like that......its so sad though....

I think you need to let her know you'll be there to support her when she needs it but you don't want to see her treated like crap. Also what makes her think that things will magically change when she gets married? If anything it probably gets harder because you have to consider two people and not just yourself....

Ohhhh not a good situation....I hope she figures it out before she gets really hurt....

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#13 Carol (Mrs O)

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Posted 18 February 2004 - 07:09 PM

That is just disgusting behaviour and very embarrassing. I hope your friend for her own sake and safety wakes up soon to this morons abuse.

You were right in declining as well. Good for you for being so strong.

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#14 Leonie

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Posted 20 February 2004 - 12:41 AM

I thought I would post in here as well as a new message so if you have already seen it then sorry for repeating.

I got a call at 3am last night. It was the hospital, because I have done some prac work there and am also a fully qualified St John's Ambulance officer (first aid and natural disaster stuff) I thought it was something to do with that.

Got to the hospital and there is 'C' sitting in the emergency waiting room. I paniced as she had blood all over her. She didn't say anything at all, she honestly looked like a rag doll. Turns out 'he' had stabbed her dog and that was all the blood, she was screaming so loud when she got home from work. 'he' was out at mates still. the neighbours though 'he' was beating her so called the police, they took her to the hospital for treatment of shock, all she could say was my name over and over. lucky she had my number on speed dial in her mobile.

SHE IS LEAVING HIM

She is going to be in hosp for a few weeks, it seems she has some old compound fractures that need to be re-broken (surgically), pinned and casted. Both legs will be done on Monday as well as a re-allignment of her pelvis. It turns out that because she wasn't talking the hospital gave her full body x-rays, and if the pelvis fracture (which seems only a week or two old) had been left to compleatly fuse she would never have been able to carry a baby to term.

she will also need some sugery on her left upper arm (both bones) and also some on her face. The doctors told me they feel her nose has been broken so many times they are amazed she can still breath. they are going to take some bone matter from her hip and legs on monday, store it and then do a full nose reconstruction on friday.

'he' has been arrested for various charges (including drugs) and she has signed an AVO. So hopefully this will be the wake-up she needed.
Sorry for any typos, I have a dislocated shoulder nerve.

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