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#1 ButterflyKisses

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 02:53 PM

Guest list was always hard. We have 170 already, the place only holds about 220 but we don't want anymore. I wanted 120 but can't help it.

Anyhow we sent an invite to Dave's friends - they have 5 kids ranging in age from 28 to 13, needless to say we only invited the parents cos otherwise we'd be paying for 7 people and we don't see them a lot anyhow. He gets a call from the wife the other day saying thanks for the invite but is it okay if we bring two of the kids (well not kids they're 22 and 18) along as well? I mean we put two people on the invite for a reason. We do not have oodles of money to splash around and I figure there are other people we really SHOULD invite if they're coming because we're not close to them. She said if financials were hard she would pay for them. But I'm like well thats just embarrasing and we're not supposed to disclose the amount per head from the reception place because they did us a special deal.
Its just awkward, I would NEVER consider asking if I could bring my older kids when they weren't invited......thats just me, I'd be honoured just to be asked.

Also I've had message on my answering machine from people who have received our invites and don't know who we are. They're on Dave's Mums side and they don't even recognise their name. Its embarrasing that the don't even know and hard for me to explain. Why invite people you haven't seen for 15-20 years? A lot of the others she invited have declined because they lost contact and I think what a waste of money that was for us sending out another 25 invites that cost me nearly $5 each. I know she wants the "big wedding" but its costing me heaps in the process....

Sigh....it just never ends I swear....

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#2 emurray

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 03:05 PM

Aaaah now this bit I DON'T miss tongue.gif

Hun, you're just gonna have to put your foot down on this one, especially if you're the ones paying for it.

Personally I think it's quite rude to phone up to invite someone who's obviously not meant to be invited and I can never understand how some people do it. Just explain to them that you're having a crunch on numbers and therefore, although you'd love to be able to invite them, you just can't accommodate the 'kids' at this time.

Also, I would ignore the message you have received, especially if you don't know them.
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#3 TraceyZ

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 03:16 PM

Gee that makes me soo mad.gif the fact that people think they have the right to put you in that awkard position.

Definately put your foot down on this one. If they get offended tuff luck i think some people just really dont understand the cost involved in weddings!!!

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#4 Luca's mum

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 03:21 PM

Gee, very tough situation, perhaps they should be speaking with your in-laws though not yourself, save you stressing anyway!

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#5 Mad Puncher

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 03:32 PM

Oh dear...... mad.gif what is wrong with these people????? When I was back in Indonesia, my parents were frequently invited to the wedding, without us! They never once called and asked if we could come along.

Put your foot down, Hon... and just say budget is limited and we can't accommodate for extra guests.

I hope they take it well..... *hug*
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#6 Vicki

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 05:39 PM

it does end... the day after the wedding biggrin.gif
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#7 Anita

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 07:08 PM

He gets a call from the wife the other day saying thanks for the invite but is it okay if we bring two of the kids (well not kids they're 22 and 18) along as well?

I would say NO!!!
Or more acurately I would say "Due to the format of the reception venue we can only accomodate limited numbers, unfortunately we cannot invite your adult children to attend with you."

Why invite people you haven't seen for 15-20 years? A lot of the others she invited have declined because they lost contact and I think what a waste of money that was for us sending out another 25 invites that cost me nearly $5 each. I know she wants the "big wedding" but its costing me heaps in the process....

I think you should bring this up with the MIL, explain to her that all the extras add up, or get Dave to breach it with her.

Welcome to the three ring circus....tell me its going to get better? unsure.gif

It will get better, soon you will be married and all the wedding dramas will be over. Then you just have to deal with "When are you having children?" "Why don't you do things the way I do them" (MIL), etc, etc. We'll all still be here by your side, don't let it get you down. (((hugs)))

#8 MrsV

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 07:12 PM

Arghhhh! This is so rude of people.

I would just be polite as you can be and say something along the lines of .... "I'm really sorry but we're a bit tight with numbers at the moment as we can only have so many people at the reception venue"

And the whole thing about people saying that they will pay puts you in an even tighter spot. mad.gif

#9 Leonie

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Posted 13 February 2004 - 11:02 PM

Well my wedding isn't until October 2005, but I am inviting people to my wedding that have children 16 and over (or under 5). If they call and ask if 'little 18 yr old jim' can come, we (chad and I) and simply saying - No, I am sorry little jim can not attend, we have a large guest list and we simply can not accomodate any more people. (it may be a lie, but how are they to know, most reception venues do put a limit on the numbers).

Though I do have a sugestion if they insist on bringing the 'children'. If they are really important to you and your fiancée, maybe you could say that they will be able to come if there are people who can not make it. (this way you are filling the spots of the people who do not know you).

BTW - This is your wedding, and you are paying for it. If my mother in-law to be starts telling me to invite people then I am just saying no, I am paying for this not her. I can't beleive she had the nerve, and especially to invite people who don't even know who you are, I would be fumming. mad.gif mad.gif mad.gif mad.gif

Sorry, just got a bit upset (I have been engaged before and his mother was like that so I know where you are coming from. Actually it is his mother being like that and him not standing up for me and what we wanted that split us up) Hope you have better luck than I did. I hope I have better luck this time than I did, lol smile.gif
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#10 kylie**

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Posted 14 February 2004 - 12:36 AM

I know how you feel! Spoke to my Dad and apparently my aunty who is going to be making my b'maids dresses, love her to bits shes my fav, but she asked my Dad if its ok if my cousin's husband brings his cousin from England because theyll be in the country for our wedding. Although not just him but his wife and two kids! They're coming for six weeks surely for one day they could find something to do in this massive country of ours! My Dad asked her what size dress his wife was coz surely she wants to be a b'maid! Then stated they probably suck like fishes too (alcohol!), nearly died laughing when he told me my poor aunty good job her sense of humour is just as bad! Cheeky buggers! tongue.gif
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#11 J's Mum

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Posted 14 February 2004 - 11:30 AM

You have to set boundaries on how many people can come. I agree the best thing to say would be we are limited to how many people the reception can hold, we would have loved to invite you but we are very limited to numbers. It gets hard to say no, but sometimes you might just have to tread on someones toes. I have the same problem, I am not inviting any of my cousins under 18, however 2 of my bridesmaids will be under 18 (they are Johns sisters), I have had to put up with, "how come they get to go and my kids dont". They are his sisters for crying out loud. Trust me it never ends, but just remember in the end it is your day and you have to do what you feel is right.
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#12 Kat

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Posted 14 February 2004 - 01:37 PM

We having come up with any major problems as yet, we have basically been given free range when it comes to our plans. But one thing with the invite list I have specified is that there won't be any kids under the age of 18 except three, my siblings. I am all than happy for whoever wants to to come to the ceremony but reception numbers are capped and we aren't made opf money either.

I guess other than that which was just a ramble I can't really had anything more than what the other girls have said, but remember it is yours and H2B's day after all.

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#13 Mrs_Stevo

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Posted 14 February 2004 - 02:25 PM

How rude! I'd be saying a BIG NO to the friend wanting to bring adult kids, seeing as it's your DH's friend he should be the one to tell them.
If you had wanted them to bring their kids you would have put their names on the invitation. Can't some people read mad.gif

As for the MIL inviting a heap of friends who don't even know who you are, what's her problem? Maybe she needs to be reminded who's wedding this is!

Gee I'm so glad we didn't have any of those hassles. We were really lucky. Both our parents said they didn't want to bother with inviting their own friends as they are THEIR friends not OURS. There was one exception with my parents best friends who both Mark & I know really well, but they were unable to come. MIL even said not to invite one of Mark's auntie & uncle because they wouldn't come because of a family feud with another auntie, so that was easy!

We didn't have anyone ask us if they could bring their kids either, they just assumed it was kid-free. With the exception of one friend who was b/f and travelling & wouldn't have been able to come otherwise, so we included the babies name on the invite.



#14 Vetty Girl

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Posted 14 February 2004 - 03:32 PM

Oh hon, I so went through this when planning our wedding!

My Mum and Grandmother made me invite all these family members that I hadn't had anything to do with in years, and quite frankly, didn't want at our wedding, but the grief I was getting was unbearable, so I caved...

I didn't expect any of them to come, but one Aunt & Uncle and their son decided to come. O.k. fine. But the thing that REALLY got my goat was that my cousin (their son) was recently engaged. My Aunt called my Mum and told her that unless we invited my cousin's fiance, none of them were coming.

First of all, I didn't give two hoots, second of all I thought it was the epitamy of RUDENESS and finally, I'd never met this girl!?!? I was furious. But... once again, the grief I would have got would have been a nightmare.

Hon, I'm not at all trying to tell you to give in - in fact, I think you SHOULDN'T. Stand your ground. This is YOUR wedding, and at the end of the day, you're not made of money and shouldn't have to be forced to do anything! Don't do what I did! Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing wedding - but I wish I'd been a bit stronger when it came to dealing with our families.

Hold your ground and don't let anyone bully you hon!! Good luck chicky!

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#15 ButterflyKisses

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Posted 14 February 2004 - 06:05 PM

Thanks girls I really appreciate your thoughts.

I told Dave this morning that he should ring her, or next time he spoke with her and tell her that we just don't have enough room at the reception. I'll say we're limited on numbers and we're already at our quota cos everyone is coming. I just thought it was really rude (but didn't wanna be a Birdezilla).

As for the ones we don't know...sigh....will have to see what happens. Apparentlythey wont come to the Chapel, only the Reception....I also think thats very rude too as the ceremony is the most important bit.

Daves Mum said if we get some declines then she might invite more of her friends. I'm going to say thats fine (well she is paying for their side) but don't expect ME to do more invites, she can go buy some. I'm beyond invites now!

It will all start settling down....(fingers crossed)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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