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How long did it take for dad to warm up to bub?


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#1 claudiag

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Posted 19 January 2005 - 02:07 PM

I have to admit that husband's reaction to bub has been less than thrilling. He says he's happy but I know happy when I see it and I know excitement when I see it and I haven't seen it yet with him! Is it just shell-shock? (the pregnancy was a surprise to both of us)

I have seen dads-to-be in their euphoria about their impending parenthood and I suppose I wish I saw a bit more of this in my husband.

Did it take a while for you guys to warm up to the idea of a child being brought into the world or did you take to it straight away?
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#2 Raelene

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Posted 19 January 2005 - 02:26 PM

Adam was pretty excited. I think until there was actually a belly to show off though it was all too surreal. After that he took great delight in drawing attention to it everywhere he could!

#3 CharlieLexie

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Posted 19 January 2005 - 02:29 PM

I know my hubby was happy and excited about our babies, because he got this stupid grin on his face whenever one of us mentioned it. biggrin.gif

That said though, he didn't get half as excited as I expected him to. With our first pregnancy especially, it was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep. I lived and breathed it, and I was kind of let down because he didn't seem as into the whole thing as I was.

Then I realised. It's a male thing. They just don't get excited like we do.

In a few more months when you have a baby belly and your little one is kicking and moving around, your husband will probably be a lot more excited. I know from speaking to John since, that he found in the first few months of pregnancy it was difficult to relate to the baby. Once they can feel the baby moving too and it becomes more 'obvious' it will be more real for the dads. I hope that all makes sense? blink.gif
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#4 claudiag

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Posted 19 January 2005 - 02:31 PM

QUOTE (Narelle @ Jan 19 2005, 03:29 PM)
That said though, he didn't get half as excited as I expected him to. With our first pregnancy especially, it was the first thing I thought about when I woke up, and the last thing I thought about when I went to sleep. I lived and breathed it, and I was kind of let down because he didn't seem as into the whole thing as I was.

Then I realised. It's a male thing. They just don't get excited like we do.


I suppose I'm like this too. Maybe it's one of those 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' things smile.gif
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#5 Jo_S

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Posted 19 January 2005 - 02:35 PM

My daddy-to-be was much the same when I was at your stage of pregnancy.

He was stoked when we found out we were pregnant, then there was a lull when nothing much happened, until 12 weeks when we had our first obstetrician visit and saw bubs on the ultrasound, and his excitement reappeared.

Then another slight lull until very recently when I started growing a bump and then yesterday we saw bubs on the ultrasound again at our 16 week obstetrician visit. I've now noticed that with the outward signs on me that bubs really is there and really is on the way, his excitement seems to grow in proportion with my belly!

He will get excited, but you just have to understand that the poor daddies get very little real involvement during the pregnancy, so they can find it tough. But give him time... it will happen!
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#6 rell

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Posted 19 January 2005 - 04:14 PM

i have a pregnant friend who is due in april and she always said that her hubby didnt really take much notice until she actually grew a bump and looked pregnant

so maybe it will be the same with your hubby

#7 Nisha

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Posted 19 January 2005 - 06:12 PM

With most men its "out of sight, out of mind". We are the ones experiencing the changes on a weekly basis and untill they have some physical proof of the baby's existence, i.e The Bump, they are fairly nonchalant.

Chris got excited when he found out i was pregnant (like he was the first man alive to impregnate a woman), when he saw the bump, when he saw the bump move, when i was in labour and when the baby was born!! Other than that it was life as usual for him.

#8 Beastybug

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Posted 19 January 2005 - 07:21 PM

tongue.gif

For me is was the second I heard that Kat was on the pregnant. Then more at the scans when I saw her (or squid as she was known then), then each time I saw her on the scans I fell more and more enamored with her.

When she was born and I heard that first cry - It was terrible. Somthing struck my contacts and for that reason (and that one alone) I started to get all teary and cry.

I am addicted to my daughter. biggrin.gif Excepts when she has a big smelly messy pooey nappy. Then shes Kat's


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#9 RhiannonMichael&Baby

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Posted 01 February 2005 - 10:56 AM

Michael's first response was one of shock. Then it quickly turned to fear as he contemplated telling our families!

But once that was all out into the open, we both could relax and adjust to the idea of being parents.

He was actually more interested in my pregnancy than I thought he would be. It seemed that his priorities in life changed almost overnight!

One of my favourite memories of my pregnancy is of him coming home with a massive bouquet of red, long-stemmed roses.
When I asked what they were for, he said they were for the baby & I because 'we sounded really down' when we were on the phone earlier!
A really sweet gesture, I thought, from a guy who didn't have a romantic bone in his body!

He is usually freaked out by needles & blood & gore, so imagine my surprise when he held my hand whilst I had the epidural needle & managed to pull Imogen out with his bare hands!
I was VERY proud!

We both got very teary when she was born, something I didn't expect from him!

So, the moral of the story is..... be prepared to expect the unexpected!
Men are strange creatures! Usually do the opposite of whats expected!

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#10 lexwithbub

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Posted 01 February 2005 - 02:07 PM

It true the guys don't get that hands on' experience of pregnany that we do..

they see us vomiting from morning sickness, they see the belly grow, they see ultrasounds, and finally they see and help us go through the pain of labour... and that's basically it before baby actually appears.

There is also a lot of uncertainty... they will be the sole provider for some time, they now have to be the head of the family... and they REALLY dont' know what we are going through physically and emotionally...

I would suggest leaving a few pregnancy magazines lying around... fill him on what stage you are at... ie "the baby is 5cm long now" "the baby's head is the size of a tennis ball", "this week the baby starts to see light and dark, and can hear our voices" ... its not much, but it may help him to visualise this child he will be welcoming into the world soon.

make sure you take the time to sit down together and discuss your views on parenting... will you breast feed? bottle feed? how will he get involved with feeding? What ways will you work together to get through labour?

Was there another thread about getting dad involved with the pregnancy? I'm sure you'll be able to find all sorts of ideas there.

Alex
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#11 claudiag

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Posted 04 February 2005 - 08:19 AM

Thanks for your advice. I wouldn't put my husband in the 'excited' category yet but he is very happy and I saw for the first time how much he cared for this baby when we had our first ultrasound. I suppose I have been sucked in by the movies and there is a song I always liked about a husband who sings of the joy of finding out he is having a son - I thought my husband would react like this but that's ok if he hasn't. It's his reaction to the real deal when it's born that matters.
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#12 Cristie

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Posted 04 February 2005 - 12:37 PM

Claudia, my hubby was like this to start with too. Happy that we had our BFP but a bit detached from the whole thing really.

The big turning point for him was this week, our baby turned to face us and *waved* (wiggled arms really tongue.gif ) during our ultrasound, it was our 16 week check up with the obs and for the first time hubby said it looked like we had a real live baby in there not some blob on the screen that he couldn't make out properly!

I give him little snippets from the pregnancy books like what the baby is doing this month etc etc and he has picked it up a few times and is reading the chapters for Dads and this has helped too.
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#13 Loulamai Belle

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Posted 04 February 2005 - 01:00 PM

Kahl was like that too, I even bout him "So you're going to be a dad" to get him interested, he still hasn't read more that 2 chapters. but once I staret to get a belly he was a bit more excited (I was getting upset with him for being so unemotinal etc at the whole thing) he didn't come to the 1st scan, but was so happy to hear the heartbeat at the 1st OB appointment and at the 19 week scan had the biggest grin on his face.

now he talks to bub occasionally, but doesn't really put his hand on my belly, which I'd like him to do, he usually just gets a shock when he hugs me in bed & bub tried to kick the weight off me!

that being said he's so protective of us it's not funny, I'm not allowed to lift ANYTHING, no-one's allowed to smoke anywhere near me, and he's got a friend that's recently started the "recreational coke" thing. He's not allowed near me anymore.

they just need something substancial to remind them that it's really happening, but you'll see when bub's born how he truely feels biggrin.gif
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#14 Mrs_Stevo

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Posted 04 February 2005 - 09:30 PM

Mark has been just as excited as me (sometimes I think even more than me) right from the day I got a +HPT. He's come along to all my appointments & scans (except for when he was in hospital) & loves shopping for bubs, and I can tell in his voice & see it in his face that he is just bursting.

Having said that I'm sure he's one of the exceptions. The DH of my friend who is pregnant with #2 and due in 6 weeks is the total opposite. He's excited I'm sure, but he doesn't show it. He hasn't been to 1 appointment or scan - doesn't see the need (his words!), hasn't ever helped my friend with shopping for either baby etc. I can see that some men just don't show the same emotions.

#15 lexwithbub

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Posted 05 February 2005 - 05:57 AM

If you haven't already watched it together I suggest you both watch Nine and a Half Months... With hugh Grant in it... you know the one???

It is ABSOLUTELY hilarious (probably more so when you are pregnant the second time around) but we watched it together only a week after we got our BFP, and both of us cried at the end. (Well... I always cry when I see the birth of a baby in the movies since being pregnant the first time!)

I definitely reccomend it.

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