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Advice on etiquette


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#1 Sandy85

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 03:06 PM

Hi everyone, Happy Australia Day! With my fiancee showering for a BBQ and me only two days into my engagement, I am feeling both lost and patriotic today!
Two questions on etiquette;
My first is that one of my Bridesmaids (or is that Matron of Honour, lol I don't know) had me as a Bridesmaid for her wedding and I intend to ask her to be mine, not because of obligation, she is my cousin and my best friend! She paid for my dress and I was wondering if I am required to do the same? Please font take my next comment as bitchy, I really don't want it to sound that way, but her Dad paid for the wedding, money wasn't an issue for her, it is for me.
I wouldn't mind paying for one if I should, but my two sisters will also be Bridesmaids and I just can't afford all three!
My second etiquette question is all about the registry. I don't want one as we have everything we need but I find asking for cash presents rude. Can I just say nothing and ask for nothing? It will be a small wedding, only people who know us well will be coming, which means that everyone knows that after ten years together and a six year old daughter, we won't be getting another toaster! Everyone knows we aren't into coffee machines or embroider tea towels. In fact, I wouldn't be suprised if we got Collingwood and Richmond gifts! I don't want any of my guests to feel obligated to get me something specific. I just want them to share our day with us. So, is it okay not to mention the word present, unless someone asks me?
Any help would be greatly appreciated. As I mentioned earlier, ten years together and finally he proposed, I just want to relax and enjoy!

#2 aChocLover

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 04:49 PM


Congratulations on your engagement smile.gif

Re the bridesmaid dress, I am not aware of the obligation to buy the dress because she bought yours. Buying the bridal party's attire differs between weddings as well. You might need to set the expectation early and make sure she's in a position to pay for her own dress.

As for wedding gifts, the etiquette is not to ask for gifts at all. If it's a small intimate wedding I would just rely on word of mouth rather than noting it on the invitations. You will have some people who feel obligated to buy/contribute in some way - I have always found that a quiet word to a parent/friend can manage this (either nominating a store for gift cards or to reinforce the 'no gift' preference).

Good luck, look forward to hearing of your plans smile.gif

#3 angel_gabs

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Posted 27 January 2014 - 06:45 PM

I believe that the best etiquette is to have the Wedding that you can afford. So if you can't afford attendants, then don't have them . Perhaps you can have your cousin be a witness in order to have her in a special role. Bridesmaids etc really are honoured guests at a wedding so for many, asking them to contribute to the costs of it is pretty strange and rude.

No mention of gifts is absolutely fine, although I always wonder who these people are that give toasters as so many seem to fear getting one. Regardless, many people will give you a something as they want to and it gives them joy so maybe just have some 'ideas' up your sleeve for your family to tell guests if they ask. Such as 'They really want to do up the garden this year so Bunnings vouchers would be very much appreciated'. You get the idea smile.gif
DS September 2012[font=Georgia]

#4 Sandy85

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Posted 28 January 2014 - 10:00 AM

Hi Everyone,
Thanks for your replies, I probably should have mentioned that when I was asking my Bridesmaids to pay for their own dress, it meant me picking two or three colours, them choosing one, and they can go to Kmart if they wanted, I would never pick a dress and ask them to pay.
As for the hair and make up, I will pay for theirs, I was always going to.
We are on a budget, but luckily for us, all of our guests are like us, and would have a far better time at a BBQ then in a function room.
Just one more question, my sister has decided, in het own words that she needs to lose weight to look good for me. I love my sister, I love her just the way she is. Itold her not to be silly, but she is adamant. Now she is saying that if she doesn't lose weight, everyone will think an elephant attended my wedding. It breaks my heart to think that she feels so badly of herself. I feel like i have two options, tell her not to lose weight for me and she hates herself the whole day or support her and have her think I care about how she looks. This is a horrible, awkward position i am in.
Any advice on this delicate subject?

#5 jantastic

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Posted 28 January 2014 - 10:29 AM

I think I would suggest to her that you don't need her to lose weight for you, but if she wants to for herself then you will support her.

I dont know - it's a tough one. What if she genuinely wants to lose weight for herself but is using this as her 'push'? The last thing you want to do is be the person saying 'don't do it' if she wants to. But you also don't want to make her feel that she HAS to for your wedding - that's a whole lot of pressure.

Hrm, I guess I really don't have a huge lot of advice. Just some points that may be relevant.

development is a journey, not a race




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