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#1 Woodland

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Posted 23 January 2014 - 06:08 PM

Do you get offended if you're not invited to a friends wedding when you invited them to yours?

I got married 6 years ago (this Sunday) and a few friends have gotten married since then but not invited me to their weddings. I feel quite offended and ripped off. They're all having small intimate weddings which to me translates to "you're not invited". I actually have a baby so wouldn't be able to attend the weddings anyway but its always nice to get an invitation.

I also feel like I forked out for a big wedding and invited them all and then they're too tight to do the same. Kind of annoys me in a way. Silly I know, its their own business and not all about me but it makes me feel rejected seeing all their wedding stuff going on and knowing that I'm obviously not that good a friend after all. Just a rant :-(
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#2 Woodland

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Posted 23 January 2014 - 06:30 PM

I guess its what is the definition of friend. I would say I've only seen these people a handful of times over the last 6 years since our wedding as we moved overseas not long after for 4 years. We also don't live in the same city as them but still surely we're still good friends? Obviously not.
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#3 aChocLover

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Posted 23 January 2014 - 08:50 PM


For me, the hurt is more to do with being told that my friendship wasn't valued in the same way I had valued it. Whether it's just an invite to a party, a wedding, a request to be part of the bridal party, or just going to a girls night out, it hurts to see that maybe your friends have moved on.

Sorry to hear that your friends haven't invited you to their wedding sad.gif

#4 Guest_Windsor_Guest

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Posted 23 January 2014 - 11:04 PM

QUOTE(Woodland @ Jan 23 2014, 07:30 PM) View Post

I guess its what is the definition of friend. I would say I've only seen these people a handful of times over the last 6 years since our wedding as we moved overseas not long after for 4 years. We also don't live in the same city as them but still surely we're still good friends? Obviously not.



We've had a lot of this as we move frequently for DHs work. We were also the first to marry out of all our groups of friends so had pretty much all of them to the wedding as they were mostly singles and fit in with the number we were able to invite. DH would like to think he's still good mates with all his friends from home but he's not as close as he used to be, time moves on. He was actually 'warned' by one of his friends fiance that they were drifting apart (hint hint you might not get invited) and just said too bad. He is the one usually making the effort to call or catch up and was just getting a bit tired of putting himself out for people not doing the same.

His army mates are different, weddings are seen as an opportunity for people who are forced to live apart to catch up and pretty much everyone is invited. He will openly tell people too 'don't worry about offending me if we're not invited, I know what it's like to plan a wedding!'.


I wouldn't invite a whole bunch of people to our wedding now but that's because for me life has moved on and while I valued them all at the time and wanted them there, things have changed in the last 6 years. I'm not as close to some of them but also much closer to some 'new' friends we didn't invite to the wedding or have met since.


(sorry if that's all drivel, I'm soooo sick)

#5 em2007

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Posted 25 January 2014 - 12:21 PM

I find it interesting that you say you wouldn't go anyway as you have a baby? Surely if they were good enough friends that you would be offended by not being invited, then they are good enough friends that you'd make the effort to go.

I didn't invite some friends who lived interstate because I didn't think we were close enough for me to expect them to travel for the wedding... so perhaps your friends have thought a similar thing?

#6 Daybreak

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Posted 25 January 2014 - 12:45 PM

I was offended when a 'friend' talked openly about her wedding in front of me, but didn't invite me. It was a small overseas wedding, but she invited 2 of the group, and not the other 2, which I thought was pretty rude.
I gave up on the friendship a couple of years after that when I tried several times to get her new address to invite her to my wedding and she never responded - it was clear she wasn't interested in maintaining the friendship.
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#7 Woodland

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Posted 25 January 2014 - 09:29 PM

What I meant by "I wouldn't go because I have a baby" was that my baby won't take a bottle so she can't be babysat yet & the wedding is out of town. So I wouldn't have been able to go unfortunately but she doesn't know that.
I guess she's not a really close friend, we live in different cities (I've never actually met her husband to be) but I am a really old friend & thought that counted for something. I guess I thought that if you invited that person to your wedding then when their wedding came along that I'd be invited. Must be an old fashioned way of thinking!

Yes I've also had a friend that attended my wedding ask me for lots of advice & help planning her wedding but then not invite me to hers! Then she emailed me a video of her wedding to watch but I never watched it as I was quite offended that I wasn't invited. Made me feed used. I was a pretty safe invite too as I lived out of the country & probably wouldn't have been able to fly over for the wedding but an invitation would have been really nice to receive.
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#8 aChocLover

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Posted 25 January 2014 - 09:55 PM

I get what your saying Woodland - we invited all of my overseas relatives because it was what we thought was the right thing to do (our invites were 'invitations in a bottle', complete with sand and shells so postage was a lot!). We knew they wouldn't all be in a position to attend, but it wasn't the point.

In saying that, we invited a few local people because "it was the right thing to do" and they turned up which really screwed with our numbers rolleyes.gif

Maybe cost is a real factor for your friends?

My bet however would be that they've evaluated your friendship on its currency and involvement - I would consider 'close' friends as knowing my fiance, particularly if I was having a small intimate wedding.




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