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#1 Zina

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Posted 28 August 2013 - 08:24 PM

So its been a while since I have been here. I'm not sure if anyone remembers me from the TTC Cafes - it's been a few years since I have been in here so it's not really surprising.
I got so down seeing everyone I know continue to fall pregnant while I remained the same.
It was heart breaking, soul destroying and I just couldn't handle it anymore.

DH and I have been TTCing since 2009. The first year was difficult I was so certain we would fall pregnant quickly and naturally. I look back over some of my earlier posts and realise how naive I was. We kept at it for a couple of years. I had some issues with my period for a while and was put on hormone treatment to try to get that under control. In the process of this I was referred to a specialist gynae who advised me to contact the fertility specialists. We made contact and got the information pack. Then the 2010/2011 earthquakes hit Christchurch and we had a whole lot of over things to think about and TTCing took a back seat. During this time however we never used any form of protection, we were just not actively TTCing around O or counting CD's etc.

I also put on weight during this time. At the end of the day there is no one to blame but myself. I could say its because we were hybernating. All of a sudden we stopped going out. There was no where to go and you just didn't feel safe being in unfamiliar places but I was the one comfort eating. Its always so much harder to lose the weight than put it on. A couple of weeks ago I just woke up and realised that this is something that I can control. The problems we've been having with TTCing are harder but the weight gain is my fault and I have to get back on track. I have now joined a gym. Its only been a couple of weeks and I have a long, long way to go but I feel like this is something I can do.

At the same time I decided to bite the bullet and contact the fertility specialists and book in an appointment. I had put this off for so long. I felt almost like this was a last result and if we failed at this time then that was it for us. It was such a stupid sentiment. Speaking to the Doctor today was fantastic. He went through everything with us and I feel really stupid for putting it off for so long. I should have done this a long time ago.

I have long cycles and it doesn't look like I have been ovulating. My oestrogen production seems to be throwing everything out of whack, which could be due to my weight gain. The good news is my AMH levels are at 28 which is above the normal range is 20 so I actually have eggs somewhere even if they haven't come out to play yet. I've been prescribed a low dose of Clomifene (Clomid) which I am starting tonight.

So that is pretty much it for now. I have some more bloods to get done next week and then an ultrasound so there is more work to be done but I am hopeful which is such a foreign feeling when it comes to TTC. I know its early days yet but I'm feeling optimistic.

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#2 SEA

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Posted 28 August 2013 - 10:22 PM

I remember you Zina smile.gif I hope that the treatment works really well for you. Good on you for deciding to get healthy again. Please keep us updated x

#3 Fifi2009

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Posted 28 August 2013 - 10:42 PM

Hi Zina

I haven't been posting much lately either- but pop onto I do every now and then to see what's happening- I felt i couldn't not reply to your post.
Much of what you have written rings true for me also. I too believed falling pregnant would be easy and happen straight away.... 4 years on I'm no closer either. I can't believe how naive I was - I've leant some very hard lessons in the many years we have been TTC and I wouldn't wish this journey on anyone sad.gif
Similar to you my weight has crept up... The pill was a god send in keeping my weight under control, I lost 23 kg when I went on the pill and maintained the loss until TTC... I've put 15 back on. Like you I do blame myself- food has been of comfort in low times and depression has zapped me of most my energy- If I make it through the day that's about all I have left to give. I've tried exercise and recently joined a new gym with a friend... It was great for a few weeks until I tore ligaments in my ankle and I'm still on crutches hobbling around.... So no real exercise for the near future. sad.gif

I just wanted to say well done for taking the step to do something positive- I know exactly how hard that is when you feel so low- you've done a great thing! wub.gif And it's great that you are starting with steps on your assisisted conception journey - I've done a few clomid cycles and they aren't too bad- heads up that the hot flushes are bizarre if you get them!! wink.gif rolleyes.gif I'm going to do IVF cycle 6 in October so I'm here cheering you on- feel free to ask anything you might have questions about- or PM me if you ever need to- I know how frightening, lonely and heartbreaking this journey is - I think most of the other LTTTC lovely ladies have been lucky enough to have graduated with the precious miracles but I know at least a few are still regulars on the forums and a great source of knowledge and support wub.gif

All the best, Fi x

#4 Zina

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Posted 29 August 2013 - 08:18 AM

Thank you both for your responses.

Its nice to know that you are not alone in this and that we have this forum here to talk about things.
There were people that knew we were TTCing in the beginning that I have lost touch with. Its just uncomfortable and I have alienated myself in my failure to concieve. Its hard. As a woman it's the one thing we are supposed to be able to do and its rather depressing when we have difficulties.

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#5 Zina

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Posted 29 August 2013 - 08:43 AM

QUOTE(Fifi2009 @ Aug 28 2013, 10:42 PM) View Post

heads up that the hot flushes are bizarre if you get them!! wink.gif rolleyes.gif


I'll keep this in mind. The Doctor did mention it as a symptom.


All the best for your next round of IVF. I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.
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#6 marsupilami

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Posted 29 August 2013 - 04:38 PM

Hi Zina. I too remember you, & I'm sorry that you are still TTC. I also now how hard it was to watch everyone else in the cafes get their BFP whilst you were still waiting.

It is such a relief in some respects to actually take that humongous step & actually see a FS, & then, at least in my case to finally get some answers & have a plan of attack.

I never used Clomid, as Femara in the states is more successful (at least that's what my FS said), but have heard about the flashes & increased dryness, which obviously doesn't make bding fun.

Unfortunately I too also gained a lot of weight in my 2nd year TtC. I finally started eating better, & put both DH & I on the paleo diet, which I definately think helped us get our BFP. Basically it cuts all grains, legumes, & sugar out of your diet, so you in turn focus on real meat, vegetables & fruit. Since I was borderline PCOS, cutting out carbs was recommended anyway, so that fit in with the paleo way of thinking. As a consequence I lost about 10kg, & DH is down almost 30kg. Anyway just wanted to add the change in is recommended by my FS, & I know a lot of women in my IVF group also had success with I too.

Goodluck on this next part of your journey.

Hi Zina. I too remember you, & I'm sorry that you are still TTC. I also now how hard it was to watch everyone else in the cafes get their BFP whilst you were still waiting.

It is such a relief in some respects to actually take that humongous step & actually see a FS, & then, at least in my case to finally get some answers & have a plan of attack.

I never used Clomid, as Femara in the states is more successful (at least that's what my FS said), but have heard about the flashes & increased dryness, which obviously doesn't make bding fun.

Unfortunately I too also gained a lot of weight in my 2nd year TtC. I finally started eating better, & put both DH & I on the paleo diet, which I definately think helped us get our BFP. Basically it cuts all grains, legumes, & sugar out of your diet, so you in turn focus on real meat, vegetables & fruit. Since I was borderline PCOS, cutting out carbs was recommended anyway, so that fit in with the paleo way of thinking. As a consequence I lost about 10kg, & DH is down almost 30kg. Anyway just wanted to add the change in is recommended by my FS, & I know a lot of women in my IVF group also had success with I too.

Goodluck on this next part of your journey.

Hi Zina. I too remember you, & I'm sorry that you are still TTC. I also now how hard it was to watch everyone else in the cafes get their BFP whilst you were still waiting.

It is such a relief in some respects to actually take that humongous step & actually see a FS, & then, at least in my case to finally get some answers & have a plan of attack.

I never used Clomid, as Femara in the states is more successful (at least that's what my FS said), but have heard about the flashes & increased dryness, which obviously doesn't make bding fun.

Unfortunately I too also gained a lot of weight in my 2nd year TtC. I finally started eating better, & put both DH & I on the paleo diet, which I definately think helped us get our BFP. Basically it cuts all grains, legumes, & sugar out of your diet, so you in turn focus on real meat, vegetables & fruit. Since I was borderline PCOS, cutting out carbs was recommended anyway, so that fit in with the paleo way of thinking. As a consequence I lost about 10kg, & DH is down almost 30kg. Anyway just wanted to add the change in is recommended by my FS, & I know a lot of women in my IVF group also had success with I too.

Goodluck on this next part of your journey.

Hi Zina. I too remember you, & I'm sorry that you are still TTC. I also now how hard it was to watch everyone else in the cafes get their BFP whilst you were still waiting.

It is such a relief in some respects to actually take that humongous step & actually see a FS, & then, at least in my case to finally get some answers & have a plan of attack.

I never used Clomid, as Femara in the states is more successful (at least that's what my FS said), but have heard about the flashes & increased dryness, which obviously doesn't make bding fun.

Unfortunately I too also gained a lot of weight in my 2nd year TtC. I finally started eating better, & put both DH & I on the paleo diet, which I definately think helped us get our BFP. Basically it cuts all grains, legumes, & sugar out of your diet, so you in turn focus on real meat, vegetables & fruit. Since I was borderline PCOS, cutting out carbs was recommended anyway, so that fit in with the paleo way of thinking. As a consequence I lost about 10kg, & DH is down almost 30kg. Anyway just wanted to add the change in is recommended by my FS, & I know a lot of women in my IVF group also had success with I too.

Goodluck on this next part of your journey.

Hi Zina. I too remember you, & I'm sorry that you are still TTC. I also now how hard it was to watch everyone else in the cafes get their BFP whilst you were still waiting.

It is such a relief in some respects to actually take that humongous step & actually see a FS, & then, at least in my case to finally get some answers & have a plan of attack.

I never used Clomid, as Femara in the states is more successful (at least that's what my FS said), but have heard about the flashes & increased dryness, which obviously doesn't make bding fun.

Unfortunately I too also gained a lot of weight in my 2nd year TtC. I finally started eating better, & put both DH & I on the paleo diet, which I definately think helped us get our BFP. Basically it cuts all grains, legumes, & sugar out of your diet, so you in turn focus on real meat, vegetables & fruit. Since I was borderline PCOS, cutting out carbs was recommended anyway, so that fit in with the paleo way of thinking. As a consequence I lost about 10kg, & DH is down almost 30kg. Anyway just wanted to add the change in is recommended by my FS, & I know a lot of women in my IVF group also had success with I too.

Goodluck on this next part of your journey.
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#7 AK2

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Posted 29 August 2013 - 07:22 PM

Hey Zina

I remember your signature from a few years back. I'm sorry that you are still waiting, it sounds like your new doctor is great though. Hoping that the treatment works for you. Much love.

#8 Zina

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Posted 30 August 2013 - 08:52 AM

Thank you marsupilami and AK2 for your kind words.

I'll have to check out the paleo diet and see what it is about.
The biggest thing that I'm struggling with is in the afternoon where I'm not craving sugar.
I used to just have a sugary cup of tea or something sweet. I find that as long as I have a piece of fruit or some almonds or prunes on hand I'm okay. I think that is going to be the key for me.
To be organised. If I have healthy snacks prepared and on hand I think I will be okay.

Just got to get past the sugar cravings. blush.gif
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#9 squeaza

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Posted 30 August 2013 - 10:51 AM

Hi Zina,

We shared quite a bit of time in the TTC cafes and its lovely to see you around these parts again.

Best of luck with your FS, hopefully the clomid is what is needed for you and we'll see you in a mums-to-be group very soon wub.gif

Regarding the sugar cravings, if you can go cold turkey for a few days you'll find they go away so quickly. I've heard great things about the paleo diet, I don't follow it but I do believe that good data and protein can be so much more satisfying when you hit those craving patches!

#10 *Tori*

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Posted 30 August 2013 - 04:47 PM

Good luck. I hope that you are near the end of your TTC journey. xx

#11 Tigridia

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Posted 30 August 2013 - 09:44 PM

Hi Zina,

I too remember you from the TTC cafes way back. Sorry to hear you are still struggling to conceive sad.gif

Lots of lovely ladies here have boundless knowledge about fertility issues and I'm sure everyone is glad to offer any advice or support.

It sounds like seeing a fertility specialist is a good first start. Good luck with it, I'm wishing you all the best.

#12 Shellsibelle

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Posted 31 August 2013 - 09:10 AM

Of course we remember you, Zina wub.gif I'm sorry you have had such struggles with TTC and with life in general. It's great that you are now on a road to fitness and good health with your gym sessions; and on a road to fertility with your FS sessions happy.gif

Wishing you all the very best with your journey! xox

#13 HayleyNZ

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Posted 31 August 2013 - 04:58 PM

Hey Zina smile.gif Nice to see you back. Sorry TTC naturally hasn't worked out for you. I bet it won't be long before you have a little bubba in your arms.

#14 Lemon

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Posted 31 August 2013 - 07:46 PM

Sorry to hear you are still on your TTC journey. Wishing you all the best for the next step, and fingers crossed that you get your long awaited baby very soon smile.gif

#15 bmee

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Posted 30 September 2013 - 07:55 PM

I certainly remember you my dear and I want to tell you that you are not alone. I have been TTC since 2008 and while I have fallen pregnant, it wasn't meant to be and lost it quite early. I too know how hard it is being on this forum, especially in the TTC cafe watching everyone with regular cycles and posting every twinge that they are getting in the TWW. Please do not mistake what I am saying as selfishness because I genuinely am glad they didn't go through the same thing that you, I and many others have had to endure. In saying this though, it's also really difficult to get the kind of support from this forum when you have to go thorough fertility treatment. They ladies here are knowledgable, but they are going through the same things and generally can't offer the emotional support that you need because they are drained themselves.

Going through this is not easy. Especially when everyone around you seems to fall pregnant with no issues. I don't know about you but there was a stage there where I couldn't even walk past a baby at the shops without getting that gut wrenching feeling and the thought on why it couldn't just be that easy for me. I have spent many nights crying myself to sleep and will do.

I will be 30 in February and I stupidly set a goal when I was young that I was going to be married and have a family before I turn 30. While I have married (and divorced) I am faced with the TTC journey as a single person trying to utilize services of anon donors. My family understand why I want a family. And they are supporting of this decision. In saying that, they don't know what to say to me either.

I want to say that it gets easier, but it doesn't. You will ache. You will cry. But I need you to know that despite your own situation please do not give up.

If there is anything I can do, please let me know...




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