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How important was religion/faith in your choice of partner?


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#1 Maxi

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 11:20 AM

Specifically your faith vs your partner's?

Do you have vastly differing, very similar or no views?

I must admit having a partner who shares my beliefs was a contributing factor. How romantic!
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#2 Sariele

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 11:29 AM

I'm a staunch atheist, and DH is too, and it's terrific to be with someone who is on the same wavelength. My last boyfriend was Catholic, and it never ever sat right with me, but I also never felt like I could tell him that I didn't believe in any of it, because I was so worried about causing friction. rolleyes.gif He took me to mass a handful of times and I was just sitting there seething quietly, it was quite torturous, lol.

I really don't know how I'd go being married to someone who wasn't an atheist. I grew up going to church every Sunday, so I know how it rolls, but if we had any religious discussions they would not end well at all. So yes, I think similar beliefs are very important, unless you are both strong enough or chilled out enough to never let it affect the relationship.
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#3 Tigridia

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 11:49 AM

We are both staunch atheists, although both raised as Catholics.

I don't think I could have married someone who had vastly differing views on religion or politics. Most of our friends are quite religious (and more right wing/centre politically). It's fine with friends but I would find it difficult with a partner.

We have the occasional disagreement about our world views but by and large are very much on the same wavelength on most things. I couldn't imagine it being any other way.

I do have good friends where one partner is VERY catholic and the other is an atheist. They live in harmony and have agreed to raise their kids as Catholic. It seems to work for them but I don't think I could do it.
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#4 Daybreak

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 12:08 PM

At the time, all I wanted was someone who would accept my beliefs and not mock me or try to change them. I was fairly new in my beliefs (about 2 years) and didn't actually know any other Pagans at that stage. It's pretty hard to come by a single, sane, Pagan male anyway.
Andrew is agnostic, with Pagan leanings, though when I met him he was closer to atheist - he'd been burnt by his Catholic upbringing (though I'm still not sure why he's so anti. The rest of his family still claim to be Catholic) I won't push him, but I'd love for him to practice with me.
I'm lucky too that although his family is nominally Catholic (non-practising) they're pretty laid back and accepting. There was not so much as a suggestion that we should get married in the church, and way back at our first or second Christmas, his parents bought me a Pagan book!
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#5 Mel B

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 12:09 PM

I am an atheist, DH believes in God but is not an active member of any organised religion.

We had a civil ceremony for our wedding and have not baptised our kids, but it is something I am open to doing if it is important for them or for DH. As long as I don't have to lie or pretend to be something I'm not then I'm ok with it smile.gif

Our daughter has started scripture classes this year and we have decided to send her to Anglican scripture, because both DH and I were christened in the Anglican church. She knows that Daddy believes in God, Mummy doesn't and that she is going to make up her own mind when she is older. smile.gif

But we would both far rather she study comparative religion or take an ethics class, which at her school is only offered in year 5 and 6.

Sharing broader values is more important to us than religion. We usually agree on social and political matters.
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#6 Guest_Windsor_Guest

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 01:01 PM

QUOTE(Mel B @ Mar 8 2013, 01:09 PM) View Post

As long as I don't have to lie or pretend to be something I'm not then I'm ok with it smile.gif




Same for me. Really wasn't a consideration in my choice of DH (or any other partner) at all. DH grew up a practising Catholic, his parents no longer practise and he hasn't since high school. I went to Sunday school here and there, as we moved a bit I think it was more about community for my parents than wanting to go to church. I think we'd probably both describe ourselves as agnostics now.


I've had other partners with a range of beliefs. One who I was very into broke up with me after about a month as he couldn't see a future for us as he was a very committed Christian. I really liked him and was very crushed but respect the fact that he wanted someone who could participate in that part of his life rather than just nod and smile. I reckon I could have been with him long term though, if there was no pressure on me to change my beliefs.

#7 la_jeune_mariée

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 01:02 PM

I'm an atheist, my husband is agnostic.

I'm pretty relaxed about religion. My best mate is as born again as they come and I respect her enough to let the occasional crazyness this causes wash over me. I go to her big events and I sometimes watch her husband preach if its a big deal but ever since I was kicked out of the bridal party as God told her husband that it was inappropriate to have an atheist so intimately involved in a Christian wedding (I was invited back and accepted with all the grace I could muster) he doesn't invite me to much laugh.gif I like to tell myself that its out of embarrassment but I wouldn't back myself wink.gif /tangent

Basically, I could live with a religious fellow but I'm glad that I don't have to. My exes were all religious and I was always standing up when I should have been sitting down, clapping when I should have been amening and throwing holy water over my shoulder to ward off vampires rather than making the cross. It was embarrassing.
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#8 aChocLover

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 01:47 PM

I can't say I have ever dated anyone that held very different beliefs to my own. As for DH & I,
I guess you could say we're both now agnostic/theists - our daughters are christened Anglican and happen to attend an Anglican school (wasn't planned that way - we chose the school on its own merits which weren't faith based).

We don't have any concerns about them learning about a particular faith - we will encourage them to be involved in as much or as little as they want. We will also actively embrace other religions and cultures if/when the opportunity arises.

QUOTE(Mel B @ Mar 8 2013, 12:09 PM) View Post

Sharing broader values is more important to us than religion. We usually agree on social and political matters.


^^ same.

#9 beachgurl

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 02:57 PM

Very interesting topic. My family is Catholic, with some of my aunts and uncles being as high in the church as they can as married people. I went to Catholic school, still go to church on the big occasions and would like my kids to attend Catholic school. H's family is anti-church to the max, after a falling out with their local minister.

We were going to be married by my childhood priest which he was ok about but his mother went on about it. Eventually I thought it wasn't fair and decided to have a celebrant.

Over the years, him and his family make little comments about church or he will make a fuss about a sermon at easter or whatever. I think if you don't have beliefs, don't rubbish others.

Now that the kids are receiving the sacraments and thoughts are placed on schooling, I feel more drawn to the church. I feel like the divide between us is great now that I have realised I want the church to be an important part of mine and the kids life. Many times I have felt that if he had some (positive) religious upbringing our relationship may have been stronger.

#10 nephthys

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 03:38 PM

It was essential. My faith is an important part of my character and DH is from the same denomination.
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#11 ClaireBear

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 07:16 PM

QUOTE(Sariele @ Mar 8 2013, 12:29 PM) View Post

I'm a staunch atheist, and DH is too, and it's terrific to be with someone who is on the same wavelength. My last boyfriend was Catholic, and it never ever sat right with me, but I also never felt like I could tell him that I didn't believe in any of it, because I was so worried about causing friction. rolleyes.gif He took me to mass a handful of times and I was just sitting there seething quietly, it was quite torturous, lol.

I really don't know how I'd go being married to someone who wasn't an atheist. I grew up going to church every Sunday, so I know how it rolls, but if we had any religious discussions they would not end well at all. So yes, I think similar beliefs are very important, unless you are both strong enough or chilled out enough to never let it affect the relationship.


I'm the same. My husband and I are both atheists and after my previous relationship it was very important that his religious beliefs, or lack thereof, matched mine. I was in a serious relationship with a Catholic (who is now a missionary) and it became a problem with sex. He told me he would do everything but, and when we ended up having sex, he immediately jumped out of bed and fell to his knees and begged for forgiveness. He then blamed me for leading him into temptation. How's that for a girl's self esteem?!

So yeah, I'd say it is very important in the long term and it was really important for me.
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#12 ~AnA~

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Posted 08 March 2013 - 11:14 PM

It wasn't that important to me or my husband. I am not a particularly religious person, however my husband is very, very active in his church.

For both of us it was more important for us to respect the other's beliefs or position. On a whole we have done this, however sometimes it's difficult. My husband often attends 3 meetings a week after he finishes work, is out of the house for half of Saturday, and on Sunday he is at church for anywhere between 5 to 10 hours, so I admit I resent that at times. Last week he was busy almost every night with church related work/meetings/functions etc.

I try my best to support him in any way I can (sometimes poorly), and I hope that in some small way, I have helped him perform his role in his church.

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#13 toska

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 02:33 AM

When DH & I first got together we were only 16 & 17 so we didn't really hold strong views about religion one way or the other. I wasn't raised in a religious family but I was also never encouraged at all to learn about it, all I knew is that my parents didn't like me taking scripture classes at primary school. So it didn't phase me if he was religious or not. However in the last few years I've been doing a lot of reading and thinking about religion and can definitely say I'm agnostic, as is he. I couldn't date someone with strong religious views, we simply wouldn't click.

#14 em2007

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 08:35 AM

My husband identifies as Catholic, though doesn't really attend church. He does believe in God though. His parents are practicing Catholics with a strong involvement in their parish.

We did not marry in a church, we had a celebrant. DHs mother stated her disapproval once, 'she felt she had to make her feelings known' but there were no ongoing issues.

Our children were baptised in the Catholic Church and we considered the local Catholic school but decided on the local state school instead.

I am increasingly more atheist after being agnostic most of my life (I haven't asked my parents but I suspect they are pretty muh agnostic as well).

It hasn't caused any major disagreements between us - I do TRY to be respectful of my husband's beliefs even if I struggle to understand. Our values are similar which to me is more important for our relationship.

DH's brothers are both with long term girlfriends who have very strong Catholic upbringings but there are still issues that arise (abstinence before marriage, living together before marriage etc), but I guess they won't have any disagreements about religion in schools or weddings!

#15 SEA

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Posted 09 March 2013 - 07:38 PM

My husband is an atheist, but was baptised into the Anglican church, and attended an Anglican high school. I am still finding my feet with my faith, but was baptised into the Uniting church as a baby and attend from time to time. Our children were both baptised into the Uniting church, and we were married in one. Issues didn't arise from those decisions - my husband was happy to do it saying that it was just 'what you did'.

Before I was with my DH I met a guy and there was a lot of mutual attraction, but he was very religious (baptist leanings from memory, so very modern and not my cup of tea). He was adament that anyone he dated had to be of the same religion as him, and ended up being quite forceful about it which was very uncomfortable and part of the reason why it didn't progress further.

Morals and values are the most important things to me. We will raise our children as Christians - they will go to Sunday school from time to time, and scripture at school. I am happy for them to come to their own conclusions and religion as they get older.




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