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Toilet training regression :-(


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#1 Woodland

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:25 AM

I really need some advice please.

My DS is 3 and a half and has recently regressed with his toilet training.

If we are at home he will leave it til the last second to go to the toilet and will have already started going by the time he gets there so there are always wet undies and often drops of wee all over the toilet floor.

Every day at kindy he comes home in changed clothes from wetting himself.

Today I took him to chipmunks playland and even though I asked him repeatedly if he needed the toilet he fully wet himself twice!!! He didn't even tell me he just kept playing with wet shorts! I just couldn't believe it! He's obviously having so much fun that he can't be bothered to stop to go to the toilet. The same must be what's happening at kindy, just too busy to bother???

Should I come down hard on him for this? Should I punish him for wetting himself or should I perhaps reward him for going to the toilet? I was thinking maybe a snake lolly or marshmallow for every time he goes to the loo successfully with dry undies? My DH isn't so keen on this as we know its not ideal to reward kids with food. But Im desperate! We were doing a gold star chart but obviously he's not worried about that anymore because its not working!

As a nurse it has crossed my mind that he may have a bladder infection and that's why the urgency but this has been going on and gradually getting worse for a couple of months now and his urine isn't smelly or cloudy and he isn't unwell in any way.

He's been toilet trained for ages now so I really need to sort this out. Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks.
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#2 flowerrose

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 10:44 AM

Totally normal. Sophie did it, Ethan's doing it. (Have you got onto the protest peeing/pooping yet? - so much fun!)

No advice other than just keep up what you did during toilet training. It's infuriating! I take Ethan to the loo regularly, he refuses to go and less than 3 minutes later he's peeling off sodden pants.

I remember it passing as soon as it started with Sophie and her friends so here's hoping!

#3 Mel B

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 11:08 AM

I took Eddie to the doctor at about the same age because although he wasn't having accidents he was saying he needed to go urgently about 3 times an hour and then squeezing out about 3 drops. He got the all clear medically and the GP said it was probably just a stage.

It was driving me mad to be racing off to find a toilet all the time but it passed within a couple of months. And the bonus is that since that stage he is able to hold his wee for far longer than he could before. Now when he says he doesn't need to go I know I can believe him.

I wouldn't be too hard on him, 3.5 is still quite young and there is a lot going on in their lives. If snakes or marshmallows would help to motivate him then I think that's fine. Most kids I know were TT with lollies as an incentive, I don't think that's the same thing as regularly bribing kids with significant amounts of junk food.
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#4 flowerrose

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 11:37 AM

QUOTE(Mel B @ Nov 16 2012, 09:08 AM) View Post

I wouldn't be too hard on him, 3.5 is still quite young and there is a lot going on in their lives. If snakes or marshmallows would help to motivate him then I think that's fine. Most kids I know were TT with lollies as an incentive, I don't think that's the same thing as regularly bribing kids with significant amounts of junk food.


Absolutely! These kids are smart and sometimes a sticker chart just doesn't cut it. My girlfriend who has had the most success toilet training of anyone I know, has the loo roll in one hand and a freddo frog in the other.

I don't do it purely because of the resulting battles limiting it to just one. But I think that's an Ethan thing - if he knows there's treats he will carry on at volume unless shown an empty packet. I'd rather put up with the extra laundry for now.


#5 nephthys

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 02:55 PM

DS1 is the same here, too, and I was wondering what the go is. We've been toilet training since Boxing Day last year (yep - almost 11 months) and we were getting down to only a couple of accidents a week but now it's several a day. sad.gif It's so frustrating. I try not to make a big deal out of it and I'm getting him to take off his wet clothes and put them in the washing machine, so he takes some responsibility in the clean-up. Am hoping it doesn't last long - TT sucks. dry.gif
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#6 flowerrose

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 03:48 PM

It's the poos I object to. Fortunately it doesn't happen much, unlike wees but frankly three year old poo has no business in a nappy!

#7 LoveSweetpea

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Posted 16 November 2012 - 04:45 PM

QUOTE(flowerrose @ Nov 16 2012, 03:48 PM) View Post

It's the poos I object to. Fortunately it doesn't happen much, unlike wees but frankly three year old poo has no business in a nappy!


I agree! J has also regressed in the last week or two and wees nearly every day. It's driving me mental - glad to hear it's normal though, I thought it was just me.

He did get a Jemima when he started using the toilet for poos so now if he ever poos in his nappy (he still has one at night, and one for his "rest time" during the day), I take her off him until he does his next poo on the toilet. I hate doing it, but I just tell him Jemima's a special reward for big boys who do poos on the toilet. He LOVES Jemima so will generally poo on the toilet next time to get her back laugh.gif i don't punish for wees, the look on my face is usually punishment enough tongue.gif
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#8 Woodland

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Posted 17 November 2012 - 01:37 PM

Thanks guys. By the sounds of it this is a normal phase for his age where he's just too busy and not wanting to stop doing what he's doing to go to the toilet. Thank goodness its only wees we're dealing with!
The last couple of days I've actually set a kitchen timer for every hour and when it goes off DS knows its toilet time. He gets to press the button to turn it off and then press it again to re-set it once he's been to the loo.
He knows he only has to try and go wees, most of the time he actually does go and we call it a surprise wee!
So hopefully this new system will work and I'll be able to stretch it out to 90 mins soon. When we're out I've just not taken no for an answer if I think its been long enough since he last went. I was relying on him telling me he needed the toilet but he wasn't doing that so I've had to take over and make that decision for him for now.
I think his main fear is that another child will take the toy he's playing if he abandons it to go to the toilet. This must be why he always wets himself at kindy and playgroup. So I just have to make him go. I'll have to get his kindy teachers to insist he go to the toilet too.
Thanks again for your advice and support.
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#9 Channy

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Posted 18 November 2012 - 04:37 PM

Aidan did the same thing. Too busy to go, especially if playing with friends or late afternoon when tired and watching some TV...regression is so much more painful the the iniital toilet training as you are so frustrated.

What we did?

- Rewards chart. We had ours on the toilet door. With a picture of his most desired toy on it and then lots of boxes. Each day we had clean/dry pants all day he got to put a sticker on the chart at bathtime.

- Reminders during the day and if they don't work, go back to taking him yourself. I know that Aidan needs to wee by at least by 2.5 hours, so if he hadn't been....he get taken for a wee. Taken to loo before getting in the car etc, just keep track of the time between wees and take him. It reinforces the need to go.

- If he protests going, make it fun! I 'raced' Aidan to the loo, saying I'm going to win, he happily would go in there.

- Don't get mad at him. I know it's hard and really frustrating, but contain yourself in front of him. Just clean him up, remind him we go to the toilet and then go to another room and have a silent tantrum laugh.gif

- It will get better. Stick with it. Aidan is 4 next month and we've not had an accident for awhile and needs alot less reminders. I do find myself reminding him when we are out, I guess out of habit. I think some little kids just need reminding for awhile. Try not to compare to other kids. TT is not about intelligence at all.
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