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When life gets in the way of TTC


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#1 Sweet Vanilla

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 04:36 PM

Hi Ladies,

I was on I-DO a few years ago when I was planning my wedding (under a different name...I can't even remember what that name was now). Now that I'm thinking about TTC I decided to return!

My story is a little all over the place. About 18 months ago I started becoming quite clucky and really keen for a baby. Hubby was not yet in the same boat so we waited. At the end of last year he was finally coming around. Unfortunately it also coincided with us moving so we decided to put it off. In Dec 2011 we thought we'd give it a go and see what happened. A BFN was all we got for Dec and Jan. Then life got in the way again and I'm going to be a bridesmaids later this year. We decided to skip Feb/Mar/April so that I wouldn't be due right around the wedding (if it happened straight away). Now I'm back to being in two minds. In my heart I want to start trying again, but in my head I think I should wait till the wedding is over. That way I won't having any problems with my BM dress plus I won't be feeling sick (hopefully, you never know what might happen).

Hubby thinks we should just go for it as we have been considerate putting it off for a few months, but I feel like no option is ideal at the moment. If we don't start trying till the end of the year it will have been over 2 years since I really started wanting this and it's starting to make me really sad that we keep having to put it off. Considering it can take up to 12 months for a healthy couple to fall pregnant, if we start trying at the end of this year, it might not even happen till the end of next year.

Anyway...that is my story. I look forward to sharing this journey with you all.

#2 Tigridia

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 07:13 PM

I guess it's ultimately up to you whether you delay or not. If it were just the wedding I would go for it now. I was 6 months pregnant as maid-of-honour for my sisters wedding last year and it was fine. I managed to fit into a normal (not maternity dress) albeit a bigger size than normal. It was an empire line dress and just fitted under my bust and hung from there. Going dress shopping I found several designs that worked. The actual wedding day was fine too. I couldn't drink and it was a little tiring but really no big difference to if I wasn't pregnant. As a bonus there are actually a couple of nice pro photos of me while pregnant smile.gif My sister wasn't at all fussed that I was pregnant. I've been to plenty of weddings with pregnant bridesmaids and it has never caused an issue. I guess the bride might not love the idea but if you are a good friend I'm sure she would be thrilled for you.

If there are other reasons you want to hold off then fair enough but if it's just the wedding then I wouldn't wait. As you say, it can take a long time to fall pregnant so you need to take into account you might still be trying in a years time and you'll both be a year older etc. There will always be a reason to delay but if you are both keen now I say go for it.
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#3 ClaireBear

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 08:55 PM

I say go for it! We had talked about TTC #3 starting in April last year with a view to having atleast a three year age gap between our twins and a new baby. We thought it would take a while as it took 16 months with the boys. In March DH randomly suggested that we start early and I wasn't keen as I said I didn't want to be due at Christmas time. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he talked me around and by some miracle we conceived that first month. The thought that I nearly talked myself out of it makes me feel sick as I would never have had my sweet girl. You will never regret it, no matter when your baby comes - your life will just 'fit'.

Goodluck!
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#4 chelley

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 09:31 PM

Welcome back

I am another one who says go for it. I had severe hyperemesis and still managed to be part of my sisters wedding day - we just chose a dress that accommodated a bump.

You will never regret it and life will just fit around a precious arrival if things go to plan.
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#5 Myst

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 11:56 PM

I also think that you should just go for it. Life will always get in the way, there is always something that will come up, weddings, holidays, moving, finances. In the end there is never a perfect time. If you are really not sure then just stop using protection now but don't specifically TTC (i.e. don't worry about when your ovulating etc.) If you fall pregnant then so be it, if not then start really trying after the wedding.

I must admit that after having so much trouble getting pregnant the first time I think falling pregnant with a baby anytime is a miracle - if you and hubby are ready for a baby now then go for it now I say!!

Good Luck smile.gif
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#6 Woodland

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 05:58 AM

Personally I would never put off TTC for someone elses wedding. My own wedding, sure, but not someone elses! Its their day and they're not going to be concerned if you're pregnant or not but its a major for you if you put pregnancy off for them! I'd go for it now, you never know how long it may take. A wedding is only 12 hours of someone elses life and wouldn't be of concern to me with such a big decision in my own life.
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#7 Daybreak

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 11:41 AM

QUOTE(Myst @ Apr 9 2012, 11:56 PM) View Post

If you are really not sure then just stop using protection now but don't specifically TTC (i.e. don't worry about when your ovulating etc.) If you fall pregnant then so be it, if not then start really trying after the wedding.

This is what my best friend did for my wedding. She had the problem of being in two weddings 13 months apart and not really wanting to be pregnant for either of them (though I did tell her she was more than welcome to be a pregnant BM for mine!) In the end, she just didn't renew her pill prescription when the time came 6 months before my wedding, but didn't make any particular effort to get pregnant. As it turned out, she got pregnant about a month after my wedding anyway.
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#8 HelsBels

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:03 PM

I totally agree, my advice is do not put it off. I have been ready for kids since before DH and I even got married but I didn't want to be preg on my wedding day so we decided to wait until after and then like you we put it off for varying reasons. Now 2.5 years on from when we first startd TTC and with the benefit of hindsight if I could go back I wouldn't wait even for my own wedding to try but then we do have issues. As you say it can take a long time to conceive even if both of you are completely fine fertility wise so chances are even if you do get UTD before the wedding you wouldn't have a very big bump anyway. And if you do (and I pray that you don't)have any difficulties then you have a 'headstart' as it were. As the others have said if you are on the pill then it is well worth coming off now and just seeing what happens cos at least then you are giving your hormones a chance to settle down into their natural rhythm and you will be ready and raring after the wedding smile.gif
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#9 Babybelle

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 01:49 PM

It's a tough decision & one which we faced not too long ago.

We were married in 2010, and originally planned to TTC straight after that. At that point tho I decided I wasnt 100% ready and we still had a few things we wanted to achieve beforehand. I was also due to be a MoH in a wedding at the end of 2011, and so we made the decision to put TTC off until then. It wasn't purely because of the wedding, but it was a big factor. We ttc'd for a few months before I was asked to be a BM in another wedding next year. The bride knew we were TTC and openly said she didn't mind if I was UTD. I did start to get ahead of myself tho and said to hubby that we shld hve a few months off when it got close to being 9months out from the wedding so I wouldn't be due when the wedding was planned. We decided that we had waited long enough, and having a baby was more important to us then being able to drink at a wedding or worry about looking fat (lol). The decision was taken out of our hands when we fell pregnant that same month & now r due 4 months before the wedding. Our choice to just go with the flow & not over analyze everything worked out for the best for us.
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#10 Sweet Vanilla

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Posted 10 April 2012 - 11:31 PM

Thanks for all your replies ladies. I think the reason I'm hesitant is because I don't want people thinking - why didn't they just wait till the wedding was over (to fall pregnant). I want everyone to be really happy about it. Honestly they probably would be, but I just have this nagging feeling.
I think I might wait a month at least and then see how I feel about it. At least then if we were lucky enough to have it happen quickly, we would only be ~4-5 months along so it's not like I'd have a massive belly. I don't want to tell the bride that we're TTC though just in case it doesn't happen before the wedding as I'd prefer to keep it a secret until we have something to tell. Currently the dress she is looking at doesn't give me much wiggle room in the waist area (and I don't want to tell her about this and start looking at more accommodating dresses in case there is nothing to accommodate anyway), but maybe I could order the dress a little bigger than I need it and can always get it altered to fit closer to the wedding.
Ahh...so many decisions. Chances are it will take longer than a few months and this stress about what to do would have all been in vain!

Thanks for listening (reading) smile.gif




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