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Today I rang Tresillian


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#1 sarah2010

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Posted 27 January 2012 - 08:04 PM

Alexander is almost 14 months.

From 2months - 7months he self settled so well. Then I went back to work, my MIL minds Alex on a Thurs and Fri. She rocks him to sleep when she has him... it also coincided with him seriously teething and since 7 months he has gotten 10 teeth. So between her different 'technique' and teething his self settling went out the window. blink.gif

We don't rock him, I sit next to his cot and hold his hand and he drifts off in a matter of minutes. But at 3am when he wakes up he wants my presence and with us both working it was always easier to put him into bed with us at that ridiculous time of the morning so we all got some sleep and he drifts off very quickly that way.

But I know it's not a good idea, and we are now in some terrible habits that I know will be better squashed before we have a second baby to deal with. After I wrote in babycooper's sleep post today I knew I needed to get some advice so I rang Tresillian.

This post is really just a sleep journal for myself. I need to write it all out so I know that the improvements are worth the pain. wink.gif

Tresillian were wonderful on the phone, they advised to stop holding his hand and then stay sitting in the room. Once he was ok with that change (a few days to a week) move the chair a bit away from his cot. And then once he was ok with that change move it away again towards the door... etc etc.. until we are sitting outside the door and he falls asleep ok like that. So slow detachment from us. And this includes doing this for all day sleeps AND that horrible 3am wake up ph34r.gif ph34r.gif

My husband spoke to his mother today, he quite firmly told her what Tresillian had advised us and that she needed to support us too. I think because the change is coming from a 'professional' she is more inclined to participate with the change. Her support is so crucial to us being successful with this change.

So tonight I sat with him and didn't hold his hand. He got so upset and angry at me.... he kept demanding my hand and holding his hand out. I had to ignore it and he threw a massive tantrum. Stood up and screamed at me, threw his dummy at me!! You name it. I was so shocked.. my son never really tantrums! I found myself so angry with him... and very frustrated. I laid him down firmly and got quite stern and had to walk out... I ended up bawling my eyes out. blush.gif He bellowed so hard I thought he would loose his voice.

It took exactly an hour, 5 times I had to lay him back down, twice I had to retrieve his dummy and twice I had to leave the room to have a break but he finally fell asleep without me holding his hand.

Tell me I'm doing the right thing for us and that every night and day sleep wont be like this. I am emotionally exhausted after that hour of power struggle between us. I think the only area that my son has 'ruled the roost' has been with sleep times. I just don't want the crying to be detrimental to him. But I know in my heart it was mainly protesting, except when I got upset and stern and he went from protest to being more upset than tantrum.

*sigh*
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#2 KiJo

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Posted 27 January 2012 - 08:21 PM

Oh Sarah sad.gif

I obviously can't offer any advice but I just wanted to come in & show my support.

Just keep thinking that it can't get any worse - every time u successful put him to sleep without holding his hand is one step closer to your long term goal. Surely the first time will be the worst, and so I think congratulations is in order as you've survived the worst it can possibly be. It can only get better from here.

Hugs lovely xxx
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#3 Guest_Windsor_Guest

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Posted 27 January 2012 - 08:36 PM

You're doing a good job!

Just be aware that while every sleep time is a step towards your ultimate goal as KiJo said, sometimes the tantrums can get bigger on day 2 or 3 and the settling take longer. Your DS will just realise what's going to go on by then and ramp it up a bit.

When I did a full stay at Tresillian the nurses were constantly mentioning this, they didn't want us to feel like we were going backwards. And sure enough, day 4 and 5 often saw significant improvements.

#4 sarah2010

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Posted 27 January 2012 - 08:41 PM

thanks Windsor, i'll keep it in mind.

thanks for your support KJ - this is the only thing that is really not working. Any support is so welcomed. It's so hard watching him being upset. SO HARD sad.gif
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#5 chelley

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Posted 27 January 2012 - 09:35 PM

Just wanted to lend my support. I can imagine how hard it is but I think if you are going to go through the pain of this, which ultimately is going to make SUCH a difference to him having uninterrupted sleep, then there needs to be consistency for ALL his sleeps.

I also agree, don't back down now. It will only confuse him and he will protest more. TOmorrow and the next night will get harder but persist and he will realise this is a new system. Make sure hubby is part of the putting him to sleep too so that he realises it is the same with both of you
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#6 babycooper

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 07:42 AM

Sarah you are awesome!!!! You are being so strong!! When he wakes up he had no hard feelings and doesn't hold a grudge so you are not 'damaging' him in any way!! It is way harder for you than him!! If Arch didn't vomit I would be doing that. When I leave him at childcare and he cries I tell myself it's to make him a more independent happy child... Same thing with sleep you ate being 'mean' so that he can be a better and more independent sleeper!
Stay strong and when Alex is a sullen teenager still in bed at lunchtime he will thank you!
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#7 sarah2010

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 07:51 AM

Thanks ladies.

He woke at 5am this morning. *groan*

I tried settling him until 5.30am, then I made my husband try. 15 mins later he seemed asleep but 5 mins after that he started screaming. So I did the only thing I thought of which was to get up and start the day. *biger groan*

He did well awake so early... But I can see he is tired. He is cranky at me over the tiniest thing. He happily sat in the high chair for an hr though and watched cartoons and had his breakfast. I had cleaned the loungeroom, hung 2 loads of washing and folded a basket of clothes by 8.30am! Haha

He was cranky still when my husband got up so I made him shower, put him in the trike and go for a long walk to the park where he can go on the slide and chase our Labrador around. They will go to the bakery and hopefully be out for another 45 mins.

I want to push him to 10.30am for his nap. If he goes down earlier tonight's sleep routine will be f*^ked! So I don't care what it takes, he will be up until 10.30 and then I am sure as eggs that he will have a solid 2hr sleep - maybe longer. And that should get him through to 6.30pm where we can go through it all over again!

It's interesting though, he complains so much harder when it's me! But when it's my husband he is a lot more accepting of the change and seemed to settle quicker.

Should I let my husband do the settlin instead of me to get him used to it? Or will he still expect the old routine from me even after getting used to it with DH?
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#8 HayleyNZ

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 12:43 PM

Great work on the self settling. The first massive hurdles are over! It is bloody hideous listening to them scream but remind yourself its only protesting. You are doing the right thing, its our job to teach them how to sleep by themselves.

In regards to you or your husband doing it, I think its important you both keep doing it. But if there is one of you stronger than the other, that person could do the majority.

Keep it up!!
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#9 sarah2010

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 12:50 PM

So disappointed - he only had one sleep cycle at lunch! But he went down with my husband and he went down with minimal fuss.

I am SO glad we decided to start this on a weekend.

So what do I do now - if he wants more sleep before 7pm? Give in or keep him up? I have no idea! He usually gets up at 6.30am, goes down at 11am until 1-1.30pm and then is up until 7pm.

Forgot to mention he fell asleep in his trike so today he:

Woke at 5am
Slept 8.20-8.50am in his trike
Slept midday - 12.45pm in his cot

So he has had an hr and a half I guess it's only 1/2 hr less than usual but keeping him up from now until 7pm will be hard.
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#10 Full of faith

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 12:58 PM

Good on you! You can do it, just stay strong. It is a battle of wills and you have to win. This will lay the foundation for future things, not just sleeping, I'm sure. I would find it extremely hard too but hang in there, you are doing the right thing.

I'm not sure if it will make a difference who does it. Kids just seem to turn it on for their mums. One of my friends had her sister and mum take her son for a couple of nights to break the habit of him waking for a feed during the night and it worked!
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#11 Magnolia

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 01:17 PM

Hang in there Sarah sad.gif It could just be a developmental thing. DS has woken the 3x in the last week and was up for a good hour wacko.gif . Our boys, which are the same age, are heading into another wonder week soon (week 64) if you subscribe to the ww theory.

#12 la_jeune_mariée

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 01:39 PM

No advice. I cant get my 10 week old to go for longer than 45 minutes so I'm clearly not the person to ask! Just wanted to extend my sympathy.

You're doing the right thing for him in the long run. Sleep is SO important. Short term pain for long term gain. Hang in there.

Hope tomorrow is better. smile.gif
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#13 KristenL

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 02:01 PM

QUOTE(sarah2010 @ Jan 28 2012, 01:50 PM) View Post

So disappointed - he only had one sleep cycle at lunch! But he went down with my husband and he went down with minimal fuss.

I am SO glad we decided to start this on a weekend.

So what do I do now - if he wants more sleep before 7pm? Give in or keep him up? I have no idea! He usually gets up at 6.30am, goes down at 11am until 1-1.30pm and then is up until 7pm.

Forgot to mention he fell asleep in his trike so today he:

Woke at 5am
Slept 8.20-8.50am in his trike
Slept midday - 12.45pm in his cot

So he has had an hr and a half I guess it's only 1/2 hr less than usual but keeping him up from now until 7pm will be hard.


I would go for a 6.30pm bedtime... Shift dinner routine etc forward by 1/2 an hour and see how that goes. Hang in there, he may be a little overtired come bedtime but you will get there. Just remember "Tomorrow is another day" (((HUGS)))

#14 Jaycee

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Posted 28 January 2012 - 08:40 PM

Aww Sarah i feel for you sad.gif

I'm just coming out the other side of this with Flynn myself so i'm going to PM you wub.gif

I started writing a post but it got HUGE blink.gif


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#15 sarah2010

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Posted 30 January 2012 - 12:01 PM

Just to update.

Yesterday my husband got up to Alex. Since starting the change in his routine he is sleeping only until 5am. He was successful yesterday in getting him back to sleep and he slept until 6.30am.

Daytime naps have been really good. Just sitting next to him not holding his hand and he is nodding off within 20 mins. If I am with him he still asks for my hand but I have been ignoring it and he has only been asking once or twice and just accepting that it won't happen anymore.

Last night was my second night sitting next to him for bedtime. He went into bed at 6.50pm. He did cry alot, only asked for my hand once and then he stood up in the cot once and I laid him down. By 7.15pm he was asleep. A huge improvement from the first night of an hour of tantrum.

Today he woke at 4.50am - I sat with him from 5am - 6am and he just rolled around, kicked the bars, rubbed his eyes, yawned, cuddled his teddy, whimpered but didn't go to sleep. By 6am I was over it, my DH's alarm went off so I made him get up and have him for an hour while he prepared for work. I got up at 7am and we did our usual morning routine. On the way home from our visit at our community centre he fell asleep in the car - it was 9.45am. I took him out of the car, he stayed asleep and put him in the cot and he slept until 11.20am

I suppose he will need another nap this afternoon as he won't make it to 7pm without it.

I am unsure how to get him to sleep longer than 5am. Or at least stay in his cot while we sleep a bit longer without him 'needing us' I have had suggestions of only going into him once an alarm clock goes off, put toys in his cot before I go to bed so he can play quietly in his cot or just let him cry.

I don't know the answer but i should be happy considering it is day 3, he is sleeping 7pm - 5am without stirring and falling asleep without touching us within half hr.

I hope things progress well over the coming week - my MIL has him thurs & fri though.

That will be interesting!
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