Oh babycooper it sounds like you have been having such a hard time – I really hope things do start to settle soon.
I just wanted to let you know that my DD is 16 months old and does not sleep through the night. She did self settle and sleep through until around 8 months and then we moved house and moved her out of our room and she has not done it since. Now we rock her to sleep (every sleep) and she wakes on average 2x per night. We have a 3 strike rule as in after the third wake up she comes to bed with us.
I went through a really hard time when she was 8 months old when I was getting up to her 6-7x a night and it had to be me, she wouldn’t settle for my DH, she wouldn’t co-sleep and she would need to be feed back to sleep. It was awful and also coincided with my return to work. TBH I have no idea how I functioned for those 6 weeks on next to no sleep, I was like a zombie in a fog all of the time. Thankfully that period passed and then she settled back in to waking only a few times a night. Now 8 months later and still waking usually twice a night I have just gotten use to the broken sleep and I cope better now (I drink lots of coffee too). To me this is our normal sleep arrangement so I don’t go to bed each night expecting change, I just accept that this is how I choose to parent my toddler and know that she will wake up and need me during the night and that is fine by me. I have my bad nights where the wake up’s are longer and more frequent and I remind myself that in the grand scheme of her life she will need me like this for such a short time.
I can’t tell you the number of people who try and give me advice on how to get her to sleep through. People just cannot believe that I am happy with our current situation. The thing is, it’s not that I am happy it is more that it is my personal opinion that LO’s are not designed to be independent at this age (during the day or night) so I expect to attend to my DD if she needs me. That being my belief the key for me was not changing her but finding ways to cope myself IYKWIM.
It sounds from your posts that although you have tried some things to change his sleeping, they haven’t worked and at the end of the day it sounds as if you don’t feel comfortable with some of the tough love options so these are my suggestions;
1. If you want to make changes, read the book “The No Cry Sleep Solution” there is a toddler edition and it does not use any CIO or tough love techniques, it has gentler advice. This book is not about quick fixes but more gentle and gradual improvement for bubs over time with parents help.
2. If you just want more sleep then perhaps you could side bar his cot so it is next to your bed. He still has his sleeping space but when he wakes and need a pat you can do that from your bed (just about in your sleep).
3. If you want to just ride this out till he grows out of it then get some help and share the load! I understand that you want hubby to have a good night’s sleep but if you share the load everyone can have a bit of sleep. My DH and I take turns now and that works. We also take a weekend sleep in each. So on Saturday he gets up at 7 with our DD and I sleep in as long as I want and he does that on Sunday. On the odd occasion we also let my parents have her overnight so we both get an uninterrupted full night’s sleep. This has only happened 3x in her life but you would be amazed at what 1 nights sleep can do for you.
4. Just to be sure I would get a full check up and confirm that there is no medical reason he is waking.
I know in your post you said that you just want to know that you are not alone and I want you to know that you aren’t. Lots of babies/toddlers don’t sleep through independently until the age of 2 (and them some). Don’t worry that your LO still needs help, that is no problem IMO. My advice would be to just work on ways to help you cope and function better. For me, a lot of it is getting support and changing the way that I think about it. I know a lot of people feel that children need to learn to sleep well on their own and each to their own but kids also develop in their own time, they will not need you forever so remember that just because he is not sleeping though on his own it does not mean that there is anything wrong. The key is making sure that everyone can function and enjoy life – that is the important thing!
Feel free to PM me if you want to chat