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Hitting "Re-Set" on the Relationship


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#1 KRH85

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Posted 30 November 2011 - 09:49 PM

Hi Everyone,
I am a new member so I am not 100% sure this the right 'heading' to be under but I hope I got it right! I have just been browsing mostly, but the main reason I joined the site is because my partner and I split up earlier this year and we have just started working things out and got back together about a month ago.

We had been together for 3.5yrs but only living together for about 8months before it all started to fall apart. he is a FIFO worker (and has been for most of our relationship) and I am not sure exactly when things started to go wrong but we ended up splitting around July and I moved out. I refused to speak to him for most of the time we were seperated, but I did (do) still love him and when he came to me wanting to work things out in Oct I finally agreed and we started working things out. We were seperated for 3months, and in that time we both saw other people.

The trouble I am having now is trusting him, he started an email/facebook messaging relationship with his ex from before me about a month before we had split, and I found out about it around 1 week before the relationship ended and was part of my reason for not being determined to work things out. He slept with her 2days after we officially ended. and then remained 'friends' with her after that. I found out 2wks ago that he had still been talking to her through Facebook even after we had gotten back together, I confronted him and he told me they were just friends and he has no feelings for her etc. I kind of pushed the issue and made him delete her from his Facebook friends list... which he told me the other night resulted in her sending him an abusive message and blocking him completely!

Anyway, I guess I am just having trouble 'forgiving' him for her. He is trying so hard to prove that he will be a better man, that he loves me and wants our relationship to work again. And I do want that, I just dont know how to trust him again sad.gif I havent moved back in yet but am hoping we will be in a good place to take that step again early next year...

Does anyone have any good advice for getting past this kind of thing and repairing a relationship?

Thanks for listening/reading!

#2 Bubble1

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Posted 02 December 2011 - 04:55 AM

It is a tricky one. No relationship can work if there is no trust. What are you having difficulty forgiving him for? He didn't sleep with her when you were together. Is it because he began the friendship while you were together? I don't really have any advice except to clearly think what you want from him. You have said you want to hit reset so you can't punish him for the past. Perhaps some counseling for you to over come your anger towards him may help? Good luck. It must be very hard

#3 MindyT

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Posted 04 December 2011 - 08:08 PM

I can see how you would be having issues given that it was his ex that he slept with so soon after you broke up.. if it had been a random then you could easily write it off as a rebound thing but and ex is some one that he previously had feelings for and the fact that he was contacting her before you even broke up doesn't look good for him..

I don't know what to suggest but i think this is really something that you need to discuss with him.. tell him how it makes you feel and why you want him to have no further contact with her if he can't understand this I wouldn't rush into moving back in together.

Good luck I hope things work out for you
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