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How do you get your baby to sleep on their own?


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#1 Myst

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 12:18 AM

My DD is 9 and a half months old and up until 7 months she slept like a champion day and night. We just wrapped her, put her in her cot and she would go off to sleep on her own no problems. We never really taught her this as such, she just always did this. She started sleeping through 7pm to 7am at 11 weeks and continued to do so up to 7 months.

At 7 months we moved her out of our room and in to her own room and so began the problems. She continued to sleep fine on her own during the day but at night she just wouldn’t. She would go down as usual at 7pm, sleep for 20-40mins and then wake up. We would only get her back to sleep by rocking or feeding her to sleep in our arms and then putting her back in her cot.

Then it got worse – 2 weeks ago we moved to a different house quite suddenly and she has not slept on her own since. She needs to be rocked to sleep every night and even then we are lucky if she is down before midnight and the last 4 nights she will not even sleep in her cot at all until after 4am. Before then every time we put her down she wakes up and cries so she ends up in bed with us where she sleeps happily all night.

She is very clingy to me ATM and has a lot of separation anxiety which I think has been escalated by her moving in to her own room, me returning to work and now us moving house. I am not really stressed about the sleep and I personally cope rather well on little sleep, she also sleeps just fine with us so we don’t mind the co-sleeping ATM but my concern is that I don’t know when or how to transition her back to her own room/cot if we do continue to co-sleep.

Really I am looking for advice based on what has worked for you. If you co-slept with your baby how and when did they go in to their own room and also how did you have them in bed at a reasonable hour when you might not go to sleep early IYKWIM. If you didn't co-sleep what did you do?

FYI – she does have a night time routine which consists of bath, breastfeed, book and then bed but it seems to make no difference. Also just in advance I am really looking for gentle techniques (if that is the term). CIO and control crying is something that would not work for us. I have tried it and cannot follow through so at this stage it is not the right choice for us. I would really appreciate any advice or tips. Do you think that this is a stage that she will move out of on her own or will the co-sleeping turn in to an even bigger problem if I continue with it?

Part of me just thinks that I should do what makes us all happy (which is co-sleeping) but so many people IRL seem to think that it is a huge mistake. In saying that none of these people offering the advice have ever actually co-slept with their children and are all in the CIO camp so I'm just not sure.
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#2 CRose

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 08:59 AM

We had a baby that need to be rocked from a couple of months and then we got her to self-settle around 6 months. We used pick-up/put down method from the Baby Whisperer book - http://www.judyoz.co...-behaviour.html

It was our saviour and created a gentle transition from rocking to self-settling - she also outlines a lot of different scenarios so you can adapt your method to your situation. Worth a try.

Also is she cold? That can really influence sleep too.

Good luck, hope you find something that works for you both.

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#3 mango

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 09:14 AM

I would be tempted to bring the cot back into your room. It sounds like from the start she missed you when she moved and now all these changes have happened since. At different times we have had the portacot in our room (mainly when hes sick and refluxing, he was a pretty sick bub) it was good to make settling quicker and easier and he stayed settled longer because I think he knew I was just there, and its good for them to hear you. Just to throw it out there sids recommends room sharing till 1.
We didn't co-sleep (only because it didn't work for DS, dammit) but I don't think there is a problem doing it if you are following the guidelines, and its working for you, baby and family.
Maybe give the No Cry Sleep Soloution a read and see if you can use that at all to help settle her.

#4 alemona

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 09:45 AM

Try reading some attachment parenting books on the advantages of co-sleeping if your mumma instincts are telling you that's what you want to do but you're not getting support. Dr Sears, Alfie Kohn, Sarah Buckley, etc.

We're still happily co-sleeping with our 20month old, and at some stage of the night our almost 4yo comes into our bed too. Both of them go to bed before us and sleep most of the night (4yo goes straight back to sleep once he's climbed into our bed and 20mo only wakes to feed). This works for us and we all sleep well. I couldn't handle getting up and down all night! We just made sure we had a massive bed, and although arrangements will change slightly to make room fothis babe, no one in this family sleeps alone unless they choose to. I get cold and lonely so can totally understand why my babies would too.

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#5 flowerrose

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 10:07 AM

I sleep trained both of mine at around 8 or 9 months, which worked like a charm. I wouldn't recommend that for you just yet though as it seems that the sleeplessness is coming from all the changes in her life making her unsettled.

I would continue with the co-sleeping, or move her cot back into your room until things settle down and then transition her back into her own room. When you do, be fairly relaxed about bringing her back into your bed in the night. Hopefully she'll start to feel more secure and settle into the routine soon.

#6 Em-Jay

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Posted 12 July 2011 - 10:24 AM

We did CC with both kids (controversial much ph34r.gif ) but both sleep through and have no obvious psychological trauma rolleyes.gif

Little Miss Avery will sleep through again, she probabley just needs to get comfortable in her new surroundings smile.gif wub.gif
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#7 Myst

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 12:46 PM

Thanks for the advice girls!

It so nice to have people who don’t just jump down my throat when I talk about co-sleeping. There seems to be such a stigma around it (certainly in my circle anyway). Thanks for all of the suggestions I will happily get googling as I haven't heard of most of them.

We actually did decided to bring the portacot in to our room last night and that worked a treat until around 2am, then she was back in bed with us rolleyes.gif At least it was an improvement.

As far as temperature goes, I don’t think that she is cold but I am not really sure. She is a really sweaty baby so I am sometimes reluctant to put more layers on her but maybe I should try.

Mrs timms – it’s nice to hear from someone that has a positive and happy experience of co-sleeping. Thanks for the recommendations on reading some attachment books. TBH I don’t know much about attachment parenting so I will be looking in to those.

I think that you girls are right, I am sure that most of these issues are stemming from all the changes and also the age that she is at right now so I am really hoping that if I just be patient it will pass soon enough.

Em-Jay – Thanks babe, I know that she will get back to where she was, I wish she would just get there already dry.gif As far as the CC goes I know that it has worked wonders for loads of people and it isn’t that I am against it but I just can’t do it! DH and I end up so stressed and upset that we start fighting with each other. The last failed attempt resulted in me telling him that if he wanted to continue that I would leave and go to my parents and wouldn’t come back till the screaming stopped! He didn't go for that so we abandoned the CC biggrin.gif

Thanks again for the support ladies - hopefully she will get there in her own time.


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#8 Lizzzard

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 01:07 PM

I think you should listen to your instincts - don't worry what other people say smile.gif We coslept with our daughter for quite a while when she was a baby (maybe till 6months?), and even now (she's 4.5yrs) she often crawls into our bed at night. Our son (2.5 yrs) didn't really like co-sleeping as a baby, and tends to sleep like a log in his own bed all night from the moment we put him down till he wakes in the morning. Especially when she was longer, I didn't mind our daughter coming into our bed at night, as long as she went to sleep in her own bed. As she's gotten older, I try to encourage her to stay in her bed, and if necessary I go in and sleep with her in her bed. In your case, you obviously can't do that, but then I'd suggest letting her sleep in your room till she's out of her crib, and see if you're still having troubles then? Good luck smile.gif
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#9 *Simone*

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Posted 13 July 2011 - 01:38 PM

QUOTE(flowerrose @ Jul 12 2011, 10:07 AM) View Post

I wouldn't recommend that for you just yet though as it seems that the sleeplessness is coming from all the changes in her life making her unsettled.

Hopefully she'll start to feel more secure and settle into the routine soon.


I agree with this. One thing I think to be careful of is getting into habits that you may not want to continue in the long term with, like rocking to sleep. I find once you get into these habits they are hard to break if you're not happy continuing them indefinitely.

Personally I just can't co-sleep as the thought of rolling onto my toddler and smothering him terrifies me (I am a heavy sleeper) and has done since he was born, but each to their own. If you're happy to co-sleep or have the cot in your room don't worry what other people think!

I love Tizzie Hall's SOS and would recommend giving it a read. People think it's all about controlled crying but it's not, there are some wonderful sleep tips in there regarding temperature, sleep environment etc etc to help babies to sleep on their own aside from dealing with crying in bed, and it's worth a read just for those I think. I love it and I have never practiced controlled crying.




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