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When do you talk about your children


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#1 loveActually

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 08:22 PM

I have met someone and have been talking everyday since via email. I havent really discussed anything REAL as we have just met and getting to know each other.

My friends and family say not to say anything until you know you like him..

I guess I just want to know when should i tell him? I want to do the right thing...?

#2 ~Emma~

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 09:40 PM

Be up front... No point falling for him, telling him you got kids, then Him disappearing!!

#3 Maxi

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 09:57 PM

QUOTE(loveActually @ Jun 27 2011, 08:22 PM) View Post

I havent really discussed anything REAL as we have just met and getting to know each other.

Wouldn't disclosing you have a child be part of "getting to know each other"?
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#4 loveActually

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 07:27 AM

Hmmm yeah thats what i thought but everyone (everyone!) said not to say first thing... I might tell him when we actually go out on a date. So far it has just been emailing...

I wish i just said something first but everyone said not to scare them away and let them get to know u first... Hmmm anyway ill keep u posted how it progresses

#5 AK2

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 08:00 AM

I think if he's going to be scared away by children, you need to let him know now, so that he can run a mile before you've invested anymore.

He's either going to be okay with it or he's not. Delaying the news is going to make zero difference.

#6 jantastic

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 08:48 AM

QUOTE(AK2 @ Jun 28 2011, 08:00 AM) View Post

I think if he's going to be scared away by children, you need to let him know now, so that he can run a mile before you've invested anymore.

He's either going to be okay with it or he's not. Delaying the news is going to make zero difference.


This says it all. I wouldn't wait, I'd say now before you get too caught up. Plus, if you tell him via email then he has the chance to get used to the idea, whereas if you tell him to his face he has to deal with it immediately.

development is a journey, not a race

#7 mimo

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 09:09 AM

I agree with above posters. Be upfront about your kids. You won't have to worry about if you've done the right thing and you'll sure as hell know if he's going to hang around.
All the best smile.gif

#8 MsGems

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 10:34 AM

I agree entirely with AK2.

If he's worth it, he won't mind, if he's not, that's when he'll run.
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#9 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 01:59 PM

in my single parent days, mentioning my kids was usually the first thing that happened laugh.gif But thats probably because I talk about them a lot.

I agree with the other girls, tell him now!
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#10 aChocLover

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 05:44 PM


Yep, agree with AK2 & jantastic, but have no personal experience to share.

I think if you hold off until a date, the news might be a little confrontational and he may feel a bit trapped. Also your earlier conduct (hiding the news) might be seen to be a little deceptive. A little unattractive, IMO.

If told early, he could "deal" with the news in his own time/manner. Don't forget, if he's going to be in your future, he's also going to have to potentially be in your child's future and your ex's future, so adjustment to the idea might be required.

But as the ladies mention, if he's worth it, he won't mind. Well wishes smile.gif



#11 loveActually

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Posted 29 June 2011 - 06:20 AM

QUOTE(♥ Emsie ♥ @ Jun 28 2011, 01:59 PM) View Post

in my single parent days, mentioning my kids was usually the first thing that happened laugh.gif But thats probably because I talk about them a lot.

I agree with the other girls, tell him now!

Awww sweet smile.gif im the same. ( with everyone else) lol

Hmmm so u guys think tell him thru email?? Hmm i guess he has time to get use to it huh?

Oh dear im meeting up with him tomorrow (thurs) night so that means i need to tell him tonight!?!

#12 Gretch

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Posted 29 June 2011 - 12:59 PM

Depends how much drama you like in your life I guess. To me, it's a no brainer that you would be upfront with someone about having a child (particular a young, dependant one).

How did you meet this guy to begin emailing him?

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#13 loveActually

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Posted 30 June 2011 - 11:42 PM

QUOTE(Gretch @ Jun 29 2011, 12:59 PM) View Post

Depends how much drama you like in your life I guess. To me, it's a no brainer that you would be upfront with someone about having a child (particular a young, dependant one).

How did you meet this guy to begin emailing him?


Yeah well when I deciding to date again my plan was to tell straight away. No point wasting time. It seemed so clear cut to me too.. Then all my friends (some with children some without) are telling me not to scare them off straight away and to wait first to see if you even like them... I guess thinking back to my single days, knowing if someone had kids already I probably wouldnt have given them a chance...Actually I didnt give them a chance. Not because Im awful but just because we are at different life stages etc. BUT I end up dating a guy that I was friends with already and he had kids...because I already knew him I didnt just put a barrier up.

Anyway I thought I would just go with my gut (was going to email it to him but there was no opportunity unless it would just come out of the blue) I went out with him tonight and the topic of conversation moved to how this girl he dated never told him about an illlness till well into the relationship. I said I dont know would be a hard thing to say straight away he said he would much rather know up front... I clarified and said ok so you would much rather learn something earlier on than later..? He said yeah I guess.. THats when I piped up I said I think I need to tell you something. He looked sooo worried the poor guy. I said no no dont freak out but I am divorced and I have a 2 yr old son. I said the reason I didnt tell you straight away is because I wanted to keep tonight about fun and keep it light. He kinda got really weird defensive saying I didnt ask you to tell me tonight... looked like he was annoyed. But I asked him if he is glad I told him now.. he said I dont know but yeah its relevant.

ANyway once I told him no more was said about about it we moved on and didnt mention it the rest of the night. It was more about having fun and stuff just experiencing the moment so I left the heavy alone. We had a great night, and I can tell that once the initial weirdness was over we got on with the night ... It was actually such a great night. I havent felt this way about someone for a long time. I either like them and they dont like me back or vice versa. At the end of the night you could tell he was sooo nervous, I went over to kiss him goodbye ON THE CHEEK and he accidently hit me in the face LOL The whole night was natural and fun until the end when he got all nervous hehe. Was funny.

Anyways, its great to experience butterflies again :)And the fact the confronting part is over is definately a relief smile.gif Thank you girls for all your advice!!

#14 * MsSassy *

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Posted 01 July 2011 - 07:58 AM

Thats great to hear that you were able to be honest with him at your date.

In my personal opinion when you have children you are a package deal so it comes without saying that once you start conversations with anyone of potential that they need to be aware early on of your situation.

I hope things turn out as you hope smile.gif

#15 loveActually

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Posted 03 July 2011 - 07:39 AM

QUOTE(* MsSassy * @ Jul 1 2011, 07:58 AM) View Post

Thats great to hear that you were able to be honest with him at your date.

In my personal opinion when you have children you are a package deal so it comes without saying that once you start conversations with anyone of potential that they need to be aware early on of your situation.

I hope things turn out as you hope smile.gif


Thank you MsSassy

You are right it is a package deal... That was my first date as a single mum so was a lil nervous but Im glad I could be honest smile.gif

All is good so far we haven't stopped speaking to each other since biggrin.gif




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