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#61 scasey77

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Posted 22 June 2011 - 12:47 PM

We only have joint accounts and have done since we got married.

All accounts can be accessed by both of us at any time.

On the whole I have no problem with DH bringing in all the money in our household. But having said that, when he makes cracks about how much I have spent on this or that it makes me feel more justified now that I am working 2 days a week and bringing in some of that money that I spend.

As for having an emergency fund or divorce fund or whatever you want to call it - I can't say I have ever really thought about it. Some might say I am naive but I really cannot ever see DH emptying our bank accounts and leaving myself and his kids with nothing if we ever separated. He is not the type to do that to his children, despite what he might ever think about me. If that time ever came I would like to think that we would split things reasonably.

And I know that I have the earning capacity to bring in a decent wage, particularly once the kids are older and in school where I wouldn't have to worry about child care fees coming out of my wage.
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#62 squidge

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Posted 26 June 2011 - 09:59 PM

QUOTE(flowerrose @ Jun 21 2011, 11:48 AM) View Post

As a bit of an aside - can I ask those of you who keep your finances separate and there's a significant disparity between income - How do you manage things like going out somewhere nice for dinner or buying gifts? Do you only go to places the one on the lower income can afford or does one of you 'treat' the other?



I usually pay for everything apart from the mortgage and car repayments, and even though I earn far less than him, we don't have money issues at all.

#63 tastebud

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 02:31 PM

I understand your headspace varkat.

This all came to a head for me when I was on Maternity Leave Without Pay.

I tried to get a new mobile phone plan, and because I wasn't earning any money, was told I would need my husband to authorise it for me. They wouldn't give me the plan unless I could prove I could pay it. They needed his payslip and it would be in his name.

Now, I come from 3 generations of single mothers and you cannot imagine the shocks of panic this sent through me. It became clear, that if I couldn't get something as simple as a phone, it's unlikely I would be able to lease a property on my own should an unforseeable situation arise.

This made me feel extremely vulnerable. And I now know I will always have my own account. I ended up paying for the phone outright.

Before we were married, my husband was shocked that I wanted to keep my own account. He came around when he realised how important it was for my independence, comfort and security. It is by no means a secret - if we need to, he will ask me to transfer whatever I can from it into the mortgage. Many family items come out of this account but there is a certain amount that just sits there...."in case".

He is the main breadwinner- I only earn about 13% of his wage- and he has never questioned my spending. Early on I suggested an allowance/ pocket money or a detailed budget as I never wanted to feel I had to 'explain myself'. He thought that system is petty and unneccessary and preferred we trust each other, and raise any issues with the other if needed. He was right, this is what works for us.

QUOTE(Puggie @ Jun 17 2011, 04:55 PM) View Post

Some friends who get Government benefits have those put in to their account for incidental spending - just so they have something for themselves.


I do this with the Childcare Rebate and Medicare and Private Health Benefits. It's my form of Superannuation!

QUOTE(flowerrose @ Jun 18 2011, 09:10 AM) View Post

Reading this thread is making me want to cuss A LOT. When did mothering become so marginalised that it is no longer a legitimate occupation? Just because it is unpaid it has no worth or value? That seems to be the message implicit in a lot of these posts. WTF?


It hasn't made me quite so angry but I have often sensed some of that same sentiment. That parenting is not considered a legitimate occupation. And contribution to a household and family can only be measured in dollars.

QUOTE(varkat @ Jun 18 2011, 11:16 AM) View Post

My issue is not contributing financially, therefore not feeling entitled to have unlimited access to funds not earned by me.


Just on this - it's a morbid thought, yet if something were to happen to you, your husband would likely have to pay someone to do much of what already you do. Only because you have both agreed to raise a family.

QUOTE(bluenomi @ Jun 18 2011, 08:35 PM) View Post

I really don't understand women who feel they need to have their own secret stash of money in case their husband leaves them. Do people not trust the men they marry? blink.gif


I must've missed something I haven't seen anyone say they have a 'secret' stash?

My stash is not secret but still pretty much for that reason. I don't trust him.

Just kidding!!! The idea of our relationship disintegrating is just not something I think about. However, I am a realist. Rarely does someone go into a marriage thinking someone is going to screw them over. Yet sh!t happens.

We have two (soon to be three) dependents and he earns the bulk of the money. He is reasonable and generous in nature, but I never want to be at the complete mercy of another person's kindness to simply provide for my children. To have to explain or justify the need for pennies to anyone, urghhhh would be completely soul destroying for me.

I do feel for women (or men, for that matter) who feel they have to hide spending from their partner. I mean, that situation suggests at least one person is being unreasonable? Or you both have very different ideas about what is reasonable....
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#64 LoveSweetpea

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 02:53 PM

QUOTE(tastebud @ Jun 27 2011, 02:31 PM) View Post

I tried to get a new mobile phone plan, and because I wasn't earning any money, was told I would need my husband to authorise it for me. They wouldn't give me the plan unless I could prove I could pay it. They needed his payslip and it would be in his name.

Now, I come from 3 generations of single mothers and you cannot imagine the shocks of panic this sent through me. It became clear, that if I couldn't get something as simple as a phone, it's unlikely I would be able to lease a property on my own should an unforseeable situation arise.


ohmy.gif Really?!?

Last month DH and I decided to change phone carriers and I went into the shop of the new carrier I wanted and got 2 new plans - both $59 caps plus I pay $10 a month for my iPhone and $15 a month for DH's iPhone (he just HAD to have the 32 rather than 16gb phone rolleyes.gif ). They're both in my name and I didn't have to provide ANY pay slips or any such thing. They put my occupation as "Homemaker" and that I had been doing that for 2 years and there was no issue whatsoever.

As to the original question - I have none of my own money. For as long as I can remember though, we've had joint accounts and there's never been "his" money or "my" money. That hasn't changed with me now being a SAHM and not contributing anything financially...
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#65 tastebud

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 03:04 PM

QUOTE(LoveSweetpea @ Jun 27 2011, 02:53 PM) View Post

ohmy.gif Really?!?

Last month DH and I decided to change phone carriers and I went into the shop of the new carrier I wanted and got 2 new plans - both $59 caps plus I pay $10 a month for my iPhone and $15 a month for DH's iPhone (he just HAD to have the 32 rather than 16gb phone rolleyes.gif ). They're both in my name and I didn't have to provide ANY pay slips or any such thing. They put my occupation as "Homemaker" and that I had been doing that for 2 years and there was no issue whatsoever.


True story!!

That said, my sister recently started working casually in the same store and when I told her what happened to me there she couldn't believe it either. AND the guy that served me has since been 'let go' dry.gif

However, I am grateful it brought the issue to a head so I could work out exactly what I was comfortable with on the $$$ front.... it was farken scary 1950's stuff.
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#66 LoveSweetpea

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 03:08 PM

QUOTE(tastebud @ Jun 27 2011, 03:04 PM) View Post

True story!!

That said, my sister recently started working casually in the same store and when I told her what happened to me there she couldn't believe it either. AND the guy that served me has since been 'let go' dry.gif

However, I am grateful it brought the issue to a head so I could work out exactly what I was comfortable with on the $$$ front.... it was farken scary 1950's stuff.


laugh.gif Sorry, didn't mean to imply I thought you made it up!!!

But yes you're right, it does sound very 50's that you have to have your husband come in and go "guarantor" for the little wifey... huh.gif
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#67 Daybreak

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 03:13 PM

QUOTE(tastebud @ Jun 27 2011, 02:31 PM) View Post

He thought that system is petty and unneccessary and preferred we trust each other, and raise any issues with the other if needed. He was right, this is what works for us.

For us it's more about trusting ourselves, than each other, and about knowing how much we have to spend, but then ours is for completely unnecessary things. Friends of ours took our idea, but extended it to cover buying lunches and coffees and things like that, and I can't imagine doing that.
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#68 tastebud

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Posted 27 June 2011 - 03:35 PM

I probably should've left out that he said that. I don't think it's petty at all, that's why I suggested it!
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