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Sleepless nights


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#1 ~Emma~

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 08:19 AM

So, the story is, Sophie is a horrible sleeper sad.gif

I have her 9/14 nights (7 nights in a row 1 week, then on/off the next) and udually i can get her sleeping pretty well at the end of our 7 nighter, then she goes to her fathers and is horrible when she gets home sad.gif
Unfortuently things are not very amicable in our split, and he is less than forthcoming with info about her time there (unless its to rub in my face like "spent all day playing on her new quad bike") so I have no idea what she does there.

Here, she usually goes to bed at 630pm after asking for at least 30 mins for bed. She takes her bottle to bed, and 3 dummies and drinks her milk, then goes to sleep. All this on her own. Usually she will then sleep til 1-3am and then the only way to settle her back to sleep is with another bottle sad.gif depending on what time that bottle is she will then wake for the day between 5-630am.
So, i know it isnt THAT bad, but now im on my own, working 4 days a week, and looking after the entire household on my own, im damn exhausted.

How can I fix this? Im willing to do just about anything, but please remember im on my own, so no emotional/physical help at all...

#2 ~ela~

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 09:17 AM

Hi Emma,

It’s sure hard work isn’t it.

By the sounds of things when your X is having Sophie he obviously doesn’t have such a strict routine (which it sounds like she needs), and therefore she is fine for the nights you have her, then when you get her back you are trying to settle her back into her routine. If he isn’t willing to share info on her sleep etc, or help with getting her to sleep when she needs it, then there isn’t much you can do when he has her, unfortunately. But you just have to work on the nights you have her.

Perhaps the day you get her back you could put her to bed earlier, or if she is still having a day sleep put her down earlier (or explain to daycare or who looks after Sophie while your working). She may need catch up sleep for a day or two when she gets home. smile.gif Ethan does this.

Can you just persist with your X and explain when you get her back you feel like you are starting over with her routine again every single fortnight. It will be hard if he’s not keeping the lines of communication open though, especially to talk about your joint child. sad.gif

On a side note I wouldn’t be offering milk during the night, perhaps keep a closed sippy cup next to her bed so when she wakes she only gets water. JMO. smile.gif

#3 Mel B

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 01:19 PM

I'm sorry, I've forgotten how old Sophie is? Does she sleep during the day? She sounds like she is very tired come 6pm, could she be getting overtired?

Also depending on her age I would either get rid of the bottle of milk before bedtime or separate it from bedtime - so have milk away from the bedroom, then clean teeth, have a story and then bed. And no milk during the night - just water.

It must be so hard to work this out in your situation - my brother and his ex went through the same thing with their kids and they weren't communicating very well back then either. In their case the kids were getting stressed by the moving between houses and it was affecting their sleep. Once they got used to it, things improved greatly.
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#4 ~Emma~

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 01:57 PM

Mel - She turned 2 in April.. I think i really need to seperate the milk and bed, but im just so stressed that she wont put herself off to sleep and i will need to sit with her sad.gif i dont have the patience for that.



#5 Mel B

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 02:15 PM

Is she in a bed or cot? Eddie likes us to lie down with him but we only do it for 10 mins. And he can't tell the time so we're a bit flexible with that tongue.gif He's 3.5 though, so will listen to reason a little more than a 2 yr old.

What about that supernanny technique where you stay with them but on the floor next to the bed and then each night you gradually move closer towards the door until finally you're out in the hallway and they're going to sleep alone?
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#6 ~Emma~

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 02:54 PM

she is in a bed.. i usually do a variation of the super nanny, and inch out of the room as she gets sleepier.. i used to only have to do it for day sleep though cause she doesnt have bottle then.
Thanks for the help, any other ideas?

#7 chelley

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 05:10 PM

It sure is hard when you are doing it on your own. Okay this is my advice and my daughter just turned 3.

I think you need to get into a predictable routine with the word like "with mummy we ..." since who knows what your ex does but this way she will learn with you.

I don't think she needs a bottle anymore. It is not good for her teeth to go to bed with the milk on them. Offer her some milk during a story and then brush teeth and bed.

I would give her dinner earlier (if possible) and even if you need to eat later without her. Perhaps you can cook a big portion and then freeze some so that is a quick no cook dinner for nights when you get home late or she is really tired.Then give her a bath, brush teeth and a story.

Then tuck her in kiss her and leave her. We always say the same silly little rhyme each night. She will cry but give her a chance to self settle otherwise when she wakes overnight she will need you and since it is just you, you need to be getting your sleep at night.

She will protest for the first few nights but if you don't want to lie in with her till she falls asleep then you probably need her to put herself to sleep.

We went through lots of dramas with Raya. I tried laying with her, sitting inside the room and slowly over time edging out and it just didn't work.

We ended up putting on a story book on CD and letting her fall asleep listening to that - she learnt to lie there listening to it and most nights she would fall asleep and now she doesn't even need that.

Also she was waking early and it was because she was cold so we always threw an extra cover on her before we went to bed and it stopped the overnight waking up too.

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#8 nephthys

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Posted 07 June 2011 - 10:06 PM

I can't offer advice, only empathy because my DS wakes six out of seven nights between 1-5am still, at least half of those times more than once. I'm the only one that gets up.

Most times he just needs to be re-tucked and just reassurance mummy is there, but when he hasn't eaten enough dinner, which is very often, he'll be wanting breakfast then. If I let him go and don't offer food/milk, he'll cry for anywhere between 1-5-2.5 hours straight, even if I comfort him. It's something I've been meaning to ask advice for on here for ages! At least I'll be ready for #2. laugh.gif

We do the evening routine without fail no matter where we are, exactly like Chelley has said and getting him to sleep isn't the issue, it's keeping him asleep after 1am. He does get a small amount of milk before bed (around 100mls at the most) but we brush his teeth so it doesn't hang around.

So obviously I can't offer any workable suggestions but on the rare night he does sleep unassisted past 5am, it's usually because he's had an enormous day, he didn't sleep well the night before so he's knackered or it's one of the miracle nights where he's eaten a tummy full of dinner.

Just try to remember that one day she'll be 15 and almost impossible to get out of bed. smile.gif That's what keeps me going!
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#9 ~Emma~

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 07:26 AM

Nep - im not convinced on that 15 thing! I was and still am a horrible sleeper and am stillup at 4am most days!

Last night was SUCCESS!!

We had a full dinner at 530pm. Then a bath at 615pm, and milk at 7pm, then into bed at 725 roughly and she slept right til 425 where she sooked for about 20mins then she got out of bed and was banging on door, so i tucked her back in and she slept til 7am!!

A bloody dream night! hope this continues!

#10 Heidi

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 07:41 PM

Great news about last night! I was going to suggest separating her milk and bedtime too, maybe she's using it to settle instead of settling herself to sleep. Sounds like you had success last night though so stick with what you did, it obviously worked smile.gif
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#11 ~Emma~

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 08:32 PM

she is at her fathers last night and tonight, and back here tomorrow, i have her for a full week, so hopefully we can get this under control

#12 chelley

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Posted 09 June 2011 - 09:52 PM

Good luck. You have had one good night under your belt. Hope there are plenty more
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