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The lesser of two evils.


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#1 Leapstar

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 09:00 AM

So so tired today. sad.gif

Declan got ill with a cold a few weeks ago, at the time I did what was needed to get him to sleep. Holding him and rocking him on the glider. Co sleeping, etc etc.

He is now recovered, but subsequently refuses to go to sleep on his own. I dont mind rocking him to sleep, but this began to affect his night wakings. He was waking 3 or more times a night, and refusing to go back to sleep unless rocked, or in bed with me.

Last week I got fed up and for the first time in his life left him to have a cry when I put him to bed. He cried on and off for about 1/2 an hour the first night, and subsequent nights did so for 5-10 mins. However he then slept through the whole night.

However I still hate hearing him cry, even though it's more protest than anything, it upsets me and DH. So I tried massage in his cot. He went to sleep beautifully, but then woke at 2.00am refused to go back to sleep and ended in my bed again, where eventually he slept, but when he co sleeps I can't sleep, I do eventually drift off, but the slightest movement from him wakes me again. Next night I let him cry again for 10 mins and he slept through, the next night (last night) I tried the gentle approach again, and he went to sleep no bother, but again woke at around 2 and refused to go back to sleep. Cue me next to no sleep since 2.00am and I am totally exhuasted and feel like poop. I also yelled at him in the middle of the night (which of course upset him) and feel horrible for doing so. He is not cold as I have an oil heater in his room.

So I know the answer. Put up with some tears at bedtime, but we both sleep well. Or try and avoid bedtime tears and have both of us disturbed for half the night.

So which is the lesser of the two evils?



#2 mango

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 09:29 AM

For me I would let him whinge for that short time. From what you said hes not emotional and it results in a perfect nights sleep. I think if you did this and stuck to it you will find in a couple of days he wont (or barely) whinge at all and will be so much easier on all of you.
It sounds like he can SS but just getting confused between you swapping between the methods.
Its not evil to let bubbas have a whinge, some kids need that to wind down.

#3 Cole29*

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 10:09 AM

For me it would 100% be letting him have a cry (provided it is not a very upset and prolonged cry). For me, mummy and baby getting a proper night of sleep is far more important.

Ben is a brilliant sleeper, but we have the odd occasion where he will cry when he goes down, we ALWAYS leave him initially to see whether it is genuine or just protesting, 99% of the time it is just protesting and is over and done with within minutes (sometimes seconds to be honest).
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#4 Jaydee

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 11:07 AM

I would choose to settle them until they're nearly asleep, then let them fall asleep calmly on their own. And then reducing that time until they remember they can fall asleep and stay asleep without your help. Purely because I personally dislike letting a baby cry by themselves and find it distressing, and like them to know that when they cry out for me, I will come in. But that's JMO and I know it's certainly not shared by everyone.

However I do that whatever you choose, you should stick to it as it's probably confusing him to have you come in one night, and not the next IYKWIM?


#5 **** Sarah and Adam ****

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 11:14 AM

I would put him to bed and let him whinge. I also get distressed so I would put a timer on and have a shower or water the plants outside and when I returned if he was still crying I would then intervene. I figure if I don't hear it then it...kind of never happened!

#6 Sakorsha

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 11:22 AM

If it works best for both of you, then leave him to have a little whinge before bed. It's often said that some babies need a little wind down time which includes whinging/crying a little. If it turns into emotional crying then you'll be there for him, but if it's only protesting then let him be.

I know how hard this is too because we did it with DD. She's now great at getting herself to sleep, but will still have an occasional whinge before bed.
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#7 Thelma

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 12:13 PM

You obviously know the difference between him having a whinge and him crying for something or even crying because he's scared. If it's just a whinge I usually just let DD go and she eventually goes to sleep.

#8 Oldie

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 12:34 PM

QUOTE(Jaydee @ May 16 2011, 11:07 AM) View Post

I would choose to settle them until they're nearly asleep, then let them fall asleep calmly on their own. And then reducing that time until they remember they can fall asleep and stay asleep without your help. Purely because I personally dislike letting a baby cry by themselves and find it distressing, and like them to know that when they cry out for me, I will come in. But that's JMO and I know it's certainly not shared by everyone.

However I do that whatever you choose, you should stick to it as it's probably confusing him to have you come in one night, and not the next IYKWIM?


What Jaydee said.
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#9 Cole29*

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 01:09 PM

QUOTE(Jaydee @ May 16 2011, 11:07 AM) View Post

However I do that whatever you choose, you should stick to it as it's probably confusing him to have you come in one night, and not the next IYKWIM?


Yep!!! Even though our advice was different Jaydee, I completely agree with this point. It's one thing my mum told me early on, to be consistent as babies rely on us to set the boundaries/rules etc (whatever they might be in each household/family).
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#10 *MrsW*

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 01:21 PM

(((HUGS))) you poor thing! Sleepless nights are no fun!

Personally, I am co-sleeping at the moment (but it doesnt bother me, as i can sleep solidly and only wake if he wakes). D was a great sleeper until his Dad came home after being away, and then it went to crap!

We put a mattress on the floor, so I don't have to worry about him falling off and if I co-sleep, I get a full nights sleep. I am not ready for broken sleep again (gosh I sound selfish)!

His Dad is about to go away for work again, so I will try and get him back in his cot. Problem is, I enjoy his snuggles too much!!
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#11 scasey77

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 01:32 PM

I would personally let him whinge. If it is only 5-10min for a full nights sleep it seems like a good trade to me. My kids have always self settled but even so they still go through periods of whinging and protesting upon going to bed. I always leave them and they are quiet and settle of to sleep on their own within 5-10min.

I too think it is probably confusing him by leaving him to cry for those few nights and then going back to being in the room trying to get him to sleep. I agree with Jaydee to pick an approach and stick with it.

Good luck.

Oh - and I aslo agree with Heather. I usually busy myself with some housework or similar for the time that they are whinging as it is a lot easier to deal with than just sitting there listening and hoping they will stop soon.
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#12 chelley

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 02:54 PM

I think the answer lies in your own observations. You are saying he fusses for a short period of time and then sleeps all night. Not only does he need you to resettle him during the night if you rock him to sleep but you both have interrupted sleep.

Get some ear plugs or put him in bed and then go and put on a load of washing or have a shower etc so you are distracted and you will both benefit. It sounds like his crying is protest crying, not distress, in pain I need you mummy crying.
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#13 Leapstar

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 03:25 PM

Thanks for your responses smile.gif

I have tried staying with him till he is calm, but as soon as I move away from his cot he starts crying again.

I think I will stick with his protests for now. Hopefully he will stop any whinging soon.

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#14 la_jeune_mariée

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 03:49 PM

Sounds like a pattern to me smile.gif I think you know the difference between a protest whine and a distressed cry by now. Of course it's nicer to have Mum in there with you when you go to sleep but if it's a choice between a full nights rest and a bit of a whinge then I believe it's healthier to get the full nights rest.

Until I can identify the difference in my baby's cries I'll follow Jaydees methods.
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