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I am going to let my husband quit his job...


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#16 jantastic

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 02:36 PM

I hope that you get the result you want smile.gif

My DH was in a job he was miserable in when our baby came along (he's in a new job now), and it made EVERYTHING harder. He was miserable at work and it added to his stress and inability to bond and to cope with the baby. It was a very difficult time dealing with him, and a difficult time for him. He was always angry and his patience level was zero - and he often took everything out on me and the bub.

His being in a new job is like he's a new person, so it was worth his leaving.

Just thought sharing that might help you think of another side effect of a job that makes you miserable. Good luck.

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#17 nephthys

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Posted 02 March 2011 - 06:51 PM

Good luck for Friday's interview, I hope he gets it!

As you may have read, I'm in a job I loathe. The entire culture and environment is toxic and I'm the victim of discrimination on a daily basis. But I've stuck with it knowing I wanted mat leave and because my family needs my (meagre) wage to survive so regardless of my hatred for the job, I have a responsibility to stick it out and have had to find ways to deal with it. I realise this is a tough talk but your husband has to do the same and not quit until he's found another job.

I've been in exactly the same place as him so many times. You fantasise about throwing the whole thing in their face and storming out dramatically, or suing the company for mistreatment, or they're caught for defrauding the company (like my colleagues do) and they get kicked out... The number of times I've asked my hubby if I can just not go in the following Monday... well, I've lost count.

If the job on Friday doesn't pan out, ask him to wait two/three/four weeks (you set the time period you think is most reasonable) before resigning and in that time, apply for every job possible. If at the end of that time period he hasn't found a job, then maybe you could let him resign?

I'm glad your email seemed to kick home. Sometimes we all need a dose of reality when we're stuck in misery. smile.gif

Good luck to you all!
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#18 quietlyoptimistic

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Posted 03 March 2011 - 07:24 AM

Thanks everyone for your support. You all make a lot of sense! The sensible thing is definitely to stay there until he has another job. He was much better last night, we had a good chat about the interview etc, and he said that he was just saying the stuff about him being a SAHD to get through to his friend, and that he knows I'm not happy about it. Then he said he knows he can't quit. By getting through to his friend, I mean, his friend was saying, "That's terrible to make your wife go back to work just because you hate your job," and DH was saying, "Well, not really, SAHDs do just a good a job as SAHMs and she is happy to go back to work."

I think we will see how the interview goes, if he feels like he's done well then we will forget about it until we hear either way, and if he thinks he's done badly then he will pretend like he's already unemployed and apply for everything he can and just see how he goes.

Jantastic, I had not thought about it from that perspective so thanks for sharing.
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#19 Myst

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Posted 15 March 2011 - 08:59 PM

I hope that all went well with the interview and that all of this is a non issue now but just in case things are still up in the air I thought I would share my experience.

I strongly believe that life is too short to be miserable about the things that you have the ability to change. You can decide to stay at a job that you hate because you “have no choice” but I just don’t believe that is the truth – there is always a choice.

Because this is what I believe I have always supported my DH when he has decided to make a change in his work life (which has been a lot blush.gif ). Thankfully there has only been 2x that DH has not had a new job before leaving the old one but the 2x this did happen this was the situation:

1. The first time he absolutely hated the (very well paid) job he had so he quit. Within a couple of days DH had another job at Coles in the fruit & veg section where his manager was a 20 year old. A lot of people thought that it was really embarrassing that my DH had such a ‘sad’ job but I never saw it this way. I saw that my DH was prepared to do whatever he needed to in order to support our family and I loved him for that. We all benefited from him leaving a position that he hated and he only ended up working there for a couple of months before finding another job that he was interested in.

2. The second time he was made redundant and decided he wanted to pursue his painting rolleyes.gif I did support this for a while and he did sell some paintings but nowhere near enough to support us so I had to remind him that he had responsibilities and needed to get a real job and support his family – after this nudge he had another job within a week.

I guess that I think that there are always jobs out there and money to earn if you are prepared to do the work – some people are just too proud to take jobs they believe are ‘below’ them and in the end they (and everyone around them) end up being miserable because of that.

Only you and your hubby know if he is REALLY prepared to get a job (any job) once bubs comes and that is really the deciding factor on him quitting or not isn’t it?

Our DD is almost 6 months old now and my DH has just taken a new job that is less money. Things are tight and we are struggling but I would rather he be happy and have time with us that stay at a job that keeps him at work 12hrs a day. I also know that should this job not work out he is prepared to get another one – even if it is not one he wants IYKWIM.

On a side note in regards to you vs. him being at home with the baby - I do think that there is a difference between mum and dad. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that SAHD’s are not amazing and capable and I know it is not PC of me to say but in my experience the bond is different in those early days with a mum and baby – after all that baby has been inside of you for 10 months. I could never have gone back to work so early, in fact at 6 months I still cannot bare to think about heading back to work and leaving my DD. My DH adores our DD but he certainly does not feel the separation anxiety that I do when I am not with her and to me, this is a difference. It would be different if you both had to go back to work for financial reasons but if only one of you have to work I am traditional in that I think it should be the father (no offence intended to any SAHD’s or working mums).

I really hope it all works out for the best smile.gif

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#20 quietlyoptimistic

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Posted 19 March 2011 - 04:35 PM

Hi everyone,

Just thought I'd update and say that although it was a long, anxious wait, we finally heard yesterday, and he got the job!!! And not only that, he applied for a fixed term contract (every new position into the business is a fixed term) and he impressed them so much they offered him a permanent job! So now he won't have to go through the hassle of reapplying for a permanent position in 6 months. biggrin.gif I am SO proud of him.

So our worries are now a thing of the past. biggrin.gif

Thanks to everyone for your advice and support. It means a lot. Myst, thanks for sharing your story...you are right about the deciding factor being if he really would be willing to get any job he needed to, and I don't know if he would have or not. Thankfully we don't need to worry about it now. biggrin.gif
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#21 CRose

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Posted 19 March 2011 - 06:41 PM

Great news

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#22 Decembergirl

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Posted 19 March 2011 - 06:47 PM

That's great news. You'll now both be much happier! smile.gif

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#23 bellarosa

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Posted 19 March 2011 - 06:55 PM

Good to hear, must be a huge relief for you both!
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#24 Swarles Barkley

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Posted 19 March 2011 - 07:18 PM

Fantastic news chickie!
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#25 flowerrose

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Posted 19 March 2011 - 07:23 PM

That's a relief. Well done DH!

#26 jantastic

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Posted 20 March 2011 - 08:21 AM

smile.gif

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#27 chelley

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Posted 20 March 2011 - 09:21 AM

That is wonderful news. A huge stress relief to you both. I love reading about things working out for people smile.gif
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#28 Myst

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Posted 21 March 2011 - 06:01 PM

So glad it's all worked out - now time for you to do some well deserved relaxing biggrin.gif
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#29 Little.One

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Posted 21 March 2011 - 06:12 PM

Fantastic news! Must be a weight off both your shoulders!

#30 L C

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Posted 21 March 2011 - 06:13 PM

Glad it's all worked out for you! And it's doubly good news that the worry and angst is behind you, and not something you need to revisit in 6 months time smile.gif




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