Jump to content


Photo

I am going to let my husband quit his job...


  • Please log in to reply
29 replies to this topic

#1 quietlyoptimistic

quietlyoptimistic

    Member

  • frequent poster
  • PipPip
  • 214 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:01 AM

Sorry for using my old anon log in, I know I've obviously revealed now but this is just a safe guard against someone I know IRL stumbling across this.

Anyway, I am pretty sure my husband will be resigning on Monday. Basically he is completely miserable, they treat him like rubbish, he does the job of a more senior person but gets paid the most junior wage, and now they are giving him stick about the amount of leave he has taken for pregnancy appointments. There are far too many issues to go into here, I'd be here all day, but he has been getting more and more unhappy over the last few months and asked me yesterday if he could quit and I support him until he finds another job. I know he is really desperate because the fact that he would even ask me that says a lot about how miserable he is. It is completely out of character for him because he is very much the big, supportive, breadwinning husband. You know the type.

Anyway, I've told him he can quit as long as he agrees to a long list of conditions, which include applying for the jobs I tell him to apply for, doing jobs around the house, and cutting down on the amount he spends on alcohol and takeaway. Not that it's a lot but I'm making it very clear that our easy breezy lifestyle will change drastically if we are only on one income. We are low income earners but we do okay because we are pretty sensible with money. But I am worried about how we will cope if he is unemployed long term. And I am really scared that if he is still unemployed by the time the baby comes in August, I will have to go back to work after 14 weeks (when my paid maternity leave runs out) and he will have to be a stay at home dad. I don't think I have any more rights than him to stay at home just because I'm the mum, but we have discussed it previously and agreed that I'd have 12 or 15 months off work and then go back part time. He is not keen to be a SAHD. Going back after 14 weeks means dealing with expressing and all of that extra stuff that I just can't be bothered dealing with.

I don't know what I want to acheive from this post, I guess I just need to get it all out! Am I completely insane for even considering it? Yesterday I was saying no and feeling very mean but I have thought about it a lot and I don't see that we have any other option at the moment. he is turning into a miserable, lazy, unmotivated stranger and I don't like it. I'm worried he will develop depression if we keep going like this.

I am pregnant, working two jobs, and studying part time and part of me just feels it's unfair of him to put me in this position. But the bigger part of me wants to support him, we are a team afterall, and I would want him to do the same for me if the situation was reversed.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!
<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie....om/AmU4p11.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>

#2 Lily-Mouse

Lily-Mouse

    Member

  • frequent poster
  • PipPip
  • 163 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:13 AM

A big hug for you!

could he possibly look into a few other jobs before quitting his current job?

#3 Sarah Kate

Sarah Kate

    Insert witty comment here...

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 9,619 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:20 AM

I guess everyone has a different situation. My DH quit his job last year without telling me but having said that, he did have a breakdown and I knew things were bad. I supported him regardless even though I was pissed he didn't tell me. In the end, he got a new job really quicky (within the same company but different area) and I have a new husband.

Is there any possibility of transfer in his work?
C & S ~ 01.11.03
E ~ 16.09.06
N ~ 16.04.09
and two fur babies

#4 mango

mango

    i-do Addict

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,383 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:35 AM

Ah what a tough one.
I think if I was in your position I would probably do the same. Is it posible to get him to hang for a bit longer while he tries to find another job?

#5 Rain...

Rain...

    Centurion

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,070 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:36 AM

I would completely support my husband if he were unhappy in his job.

I quite often tell him now, when he has bad days, that he doesnt have to be there, and he can get another job... i wouldnt care if he got the other job before or after he quit. I know we will manage either way.

Support your husband... (as it sounds like you are), however i would be telling him to start apply for new jobs from NOW.

goodluck smile.gif

#6 Swarles Barkley

Swarles Barkley

    Legend-wait for it-dary!

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 14,067 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:36 AM

Ah chickie, that is really shit. It is a hard situation to be in, and extreamly daunting considering that you are pregnant.

Personally for us we couldn't afford for my husband to leave his role and live purely on my wage, but that said he has always been the breadwinner earning more than triple my wage. However if you could make it work financially, I think it would be the better way to go for you as a unit. As you said, he is turning into someone you don't know because he is that miserable.

I think from memory he works in a fairly common industry where jobs are bountiful, so it might not be that long before he found something else. I agree with making a list of conditions though (such as housework, has to apply for jobs and cut back majorly on spending) as it won't be a fun time for any of you.

Good luck, and if you need to chat you know where I am smile.gif
<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie....om/IXnfp10.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers" /></a>

#7 BeenTooLong

BeenTooLong

    Centurion

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,765 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:42 AM

Yeh, I'd support my hubby if he was unhappy. Especially with a bub on the way, its not just the mums who have sleepless nights etc and that could add to the frustration/stress he is obviously already feeling from his work.

Its hard tho, with no job to go to. Has he got much Annual leave to be paid out? Does he work in an industry where he is likely to be able to find another job quickly?

Good luck smile.gif

#8 Sakorsha

Sakorsha

    Can life get much better?

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,234 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:57 AM

I would support him in his decision to leave, as hard as it will be for you until he gets a new job. I know how hard it is to be that unhappy in a job and it will only stress him out more by staying. Just make sure he is diligent about applying for jobs.

Is that 14 weeks PML from your employer? If so, you'll also be elegible for the 18 weeks govt PPL too won't you?
~*Married - July 2008*~
~*K Bear - Born July 2010*~
~*DD2 - Due October 2012*~


<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lbdf.lilypie....om/PvV1p10.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Pregnancy tickers" /></a>

#9 aChocLover

aChocLover

    formerly known as AuChocolat

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,574 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 09:59 AM


((Hugs))

Have you investigated what social security your Husband could get if he quits his job? As an interim measure before finding alternative work? The reason I ask, is my brother had a major accident at work which left him a bit stressed etc and his Doctor recommended he leave for the sake of his mental health. As a result, I believe centrelink look at his resigning differently and he was entitled to immediate assistance. Just a thought smile.gif

I guess the alternatives of him staying are potentially more long-term damaging (health wise)than some short term financial stress. I think it's great you are supporting him and I hope he appreciates how awesome you are smile.gif

Good luck!

#10 Candy

Candy

    Part of the Furniture

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,961 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 10:38 AM

What a stressful time for you both sad.gif

Is there anyway he can look for another job while still staying where he is?? Is he in a position/industry where he can easily get into another role?



#11 quietlyoptimistic

quietlyoptimistic

    Member

  • frequent poster
  • PipPip
  • 214 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 10:57 AM

Thanks girls. He has been applying for jobs for months but he has been picky about what he applies for...he is only going for a certain type of work and a certain pay packet. I have told him the pickiness will have to stop if he quits, if he has to clean public toilets he will do it with a smile on his face. So he is certainly trying to find another job, he had had an asessment at a place and will hear on Friday if he has an interview or not, and there are another 4 jobs he will be applying for over the weekend.

He works for a major telco and he wants to leave the industry completely. I used to work there too so I know EXACTLY how he feels. I was miserable as well but it didn't get to the stage where I was seriously considering quitting before I found another job. I said I wanted to quit but never would have done it. But he has got to the point now where he can't see clearly about it anymore and I think the only thing for him to do is leave and then he can get some distance and see his way to finding a job somewhere else.

Re: social security, I don't think he would get anything in the way of welfare. I earn too much. Once the baby is here, if he's a SAHD we are eligible for about $50 per f/n of one of the FTBs. yes he will get the 18 weeks gov parental leave as he will be the primary carer after the 14 weeks paid is up and he will still have met the work requirements, I think. I would need to check that though. Otherwise we would get the BB.

He would get paid about 4 weeks annual leave, which I have said is going into an account and is not to be touched except for mortgage and bills.

He has applied for two other jobs at his current employer, one he didn't get and the other one it's not an official opening as yet so they are keeping his details on file. He can't do a straight transfer to another branch or anything like that.

I really, really do NOT want to go back to work after 14 weeks and he emailed me an MSN convo he had with one of his friends and he is already talking like it's a done deal, like I will be going back to work and he will be a SAHD. He was extolling the virtues of being a SAHD and saying it's sexist to expect the dad to be the breadwinner. I agree with him in principal but I still REALLY do NOT want to be back after 3 months. sad.gif He said to his friend, "R is happy to go back to work, she was saying that even before I wanted to quit," which isn't exactly true, I said I would do it if I HAD to but then we both said that wasn't what we wanted for me or the baby so it wouldn't happen. It's like he's convinced himself that this will be happening and I'm worried that because he thinks it's such a great idea he won't try hard to get a job for the next 7 months because it doesn't matter, coz he's going to be a SAHD anyway. And FTR I'm only planning on having 15 months MAX off work and then going back part time, I don't know if he realises I would have the same expectation of him.

I am scared he will fall into that unemployment rut and sit on his arse playing computer games all day. I'm putting conditions in place to prevent that but I can't be a slave driver and if he chooses to ignore it, he will, you know?

Ah, so shit. I really don't know WTF to do.

<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie....om/AmU4p11.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>

#12 beachgurl

beachgurl

    Part of the Furniture

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 3,530 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 11:17 AM

Oh wow, that's a toughie. there's one thing to say that he can quit his job now on the condition that he finds a new one, but the fact that he's now considering being the SAHD is another thing. Sounds like his motivation might not really be there to find another job and that he is liking the idea of a "holiday" - my DH said he'd be fine as a SAHD as he'd just work on the computer and have the baby in a rocker next to him. He was serious, clearly he had no idea.

Based on your recent post I'd be getting him to stay where he is until he finds another job. Or at least make him seriously look for say 4 weeks and if he's showing persistence and initiative then maybe reconsider.

As someone who had it all worked out in terms of job and then pregnancy changing things, I'd be wanting him in stable employment. If for some reason you need to finish work earlier than aniticipated you'd both be off work.

sorry for the negative but while he hates his job and is miserable, it's a terrible time to be considering leaving work before finding a new job. and being so picky about it too. Particularly as you don't want to go back to work. I know I'm focusing on the bad stuff but if you baby has bad reflux or won't sleep, will he be happy to be with the child 24/7 and be up all night taking care of them, or will he crack and you end up being up through the night and then having to go to work?

#13 scasey77

scasey77

    Part of the Furniture

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,950 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 12:24 PM

Hmmm - in principle I agree that I would support my husband to quit his job and find another. BUT that would rely on me being able to trust that he would do his damndest to find another job ASAP.

I don't like the fact that he seems to be talking about being a SAHD as if it is a done deal. IN theory I agree that one parent does not have the right to stya home over the other but in the practical world it just makes sense that the mum stay home in most cases. For those the breastfeed it is a HUGE amount of extra work for the mum to go back vs the dad. It's OK for him not having to worry about expressing etc.

So I think you need to sit down and make it clear that you going back to work at 14 weeks is really an absolute last resort. Make him aware of the implications that has for you. He really should not have the SAHD thing in his head if it is not what you have both discussed and agreed upon.

I think he also needs to be prepared to do night fill at the supermarket etc if need be until he finds a job that suits. He can't just be waiting around for that perfect job. I mean how many people in reality love everything about their job. He doesn't deserve to stay in a miserable job but he also can't expect to just hang around waiting for the perfect one either.

Good luck.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Sara

IPB Image

#14 quietlyoptimistic

quietlyoptimistic

    Member

  • frequent poster
  • PipPip
  • 214 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 01:07 PM

He got a phone call just before, he has an interview on Friday so I really, really hope this is all a non-issue! Oh please please please please please! The job is at my workplace and I know it's an awesome place to work and he'll be much happier here.

After writing my last mammoth post I emailed him and said I was concerned about the convo and that I had never said I was happy for him to either quit or be a SAHD. I said I had said I was willing to make sacrifices for him to quit and was willing to go back to work if I HAD to but that I wouldn't be happy about doing it. I think I got through to him. unsure.gif But he could be at the stage where he just needs me to look after him for a while and doesn't really care if I'm happy or not. I know I get like that sometimes.
<a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lmtf.lilypie....om/AmU4p11.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie Maternity tickers" /></a>

#15 scasey77

scasey77

    Part of the Furniture

  • avid user
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 6,950 posts

Posted 02 March 2011 - 01:53 PM

Hope you get a great result from the Friday interview. Fingers crossed.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Sara

IPB Image




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users