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Feeling lonley, sad and sorry for myself


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#1 EJay

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Posted 17 November 2010 - 08:35 AM

I am just feeling sorry for myself and need a bit of a whinge. DH and I have been in London for two months today, and for the first time I am in the city on my own as DH is away for work for the week - which will thankfully not be a regular occurance.

Since he has been gone I have just noticed how hard it is to not have someone with whom I have a close relationship around me. I have some friends here, but I wouldn't particularly call them close friends (nor would I have expected to make very close friends after such a short period of time.) I know I am a little socially awkward, and I do not make friends easily (I have always struggled with it) and I find that I am simply friends with people becasuse we happen to be in similar situations (i.e. I have met them at school, and they are also doing PhDs) and as a result I find that I have quite limited things to talk to them about and I don't really feel comfortable talking about more personal things. I also feel as though some of what I say is being taken in the wrong way (which I know is something I have to work on) and I suspect it is, in part, due to the envrionment which I did my Master's in - it was a much smaller and way more competitive circle. I have very few good things to say about my Master's experiance and so I tend not to talk about it (as well as the systems being so different).

I knew it would be hard, and in no way do I want to go back to Australia - I love it here, I love what I am doing. I just wish it could be a little bit easier, that I could find someone that I click with and have an 'easy' friendship with (by that I mean that I would feel comfortable, that we would have things to talk about, that I wouldn't feel as though I have to impress them). And not having DH to come home to is just making it all the more obvious that the people I hang out with are not really 'friends.'

Egh, as I said, I am just feeling sorry for myself. (Plus, it was my mum's birthday on Sunday which I think set this whole thing off. I am very close to my mum, and I miss her a lot - Birthday Skype is just not the same as a birthday hug.)
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
—Albert Camus



#2 crisis

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Posted 17 November 2010 - 09:03 AM

Hugs EJay. It's hard being away from family & friends isn't it? I went through something similar when we moved to NY a few years ago. I didn't know anyone and hubby was working long hours.

I'm the same as you when it comes to making friends too. Most of the people we ended up being friends with were hubby's. It was only after a year that I grew close to one of the girls I worked with (and our shared passion for eating out smile.gif ). She ended up being by BM when we got married when we moved back to Australia.

When I first arrived, I was too scared to venture out on my own since I didn't know anyone. Sad as it sounds I would sit at home and wait for hubby to finish work. This didn't work out too well for my self confidence and self esteem and I became totally dependent on him. I ended up seeing a counsellor just to talk through things (since I didn't have anyone to talk to!).

Anyway, in the end, I just had to put my foot down and forced myself to go out more, even it if was by myself. London is a fabulous, vibrant city. I'm sure there's lots to see and do. The hard part is getting motivated to go out!

I joined this website while I was away. There are lots of different groups with varied interests. So you may find something you might like? I joined an expat group and an eating out group and had a great time. Didn't really make many friends, but it was nice to hang out with people who had similar interests to me.

Hope that helps smile.gif
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#3 siilk

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Posted 25 November 2010 - 07:34 AM

I just saw this.

The first year is hard. I will not kid you. I have been away from oz since 2001 and nothing compares to that first year.

Even so when we came to the UK in 2008, 7 mth old baby in tow. I can remember feeling so very isolated that year. I remember saying to DH that I just wanted a friend to call and go for coffee.

It took time but I now have a small circle of friends who are friends IYKWIM. I forced myself to get out there (I am very shy) and take DS1 to playgroun etc
I remember waking up one day and thinking that this was home.
Hang in there.

#4 EJay

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Posted 25 November 2010 - 07:46 AM

Thank you both. It is hard, but I think it is getting easier.

I think the fact that I have something which forces me to get out of the house and socialise with people is a good thing.

I think I was just a little under-prepared for the experience - but can you ever be?
The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.
—Albert Camus






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