Feeling lonley, sad and sorry for myself
Posted 17 November 2010 - 08:35 AM
Since he has been gone I have just noticed how hard it is to not have someone with whom I have a close relationship around me. I have some friends here, but I wouldn't particularly call them close friends (nor would I have expected to make very close friends after such a short period of time.) I know I am a little socially awkward, and I do not make friends easily (I have always struggled with it) and I find that I am simply friends with people becasuse we happen to be in similar situations (i.e. I have met them at school, and they are also doing PhDs) and as a result I find that I have quite limited things to talk to them about and I don't really feel comfortable talking about more personal things. I also feel as though some of what I say is being taken in the wrong way (which I know is something I have to work on) and I suspect it is, in part, due to the envrionment which I did my Master's in - it was a much smaller and way more competitive circle. I have very few good things to say about my Master's experiance and so I tend not to talk about it (as well as the systems being so different).
I knew it would be hard, and in no way do I want to go back to Australia - I love it here, I love what I am doing. I just wish it could be a little bit easier, that I could find someone that I click with and have an 'easy' friendship with (by that I mean that I would feel comfortable, that we would have things to talk about, that I wouldn't feel as though I have to impress them). And not having DH to come home to is just making it all the more obvious that the people I hang out with are not really 'friends.'
Egh, as I said, I am just feeling sorry for myself. (Plus, it was my mum's birthday on Sunday which I think set this whole thing off. I am very close to my mum, and I miss her a lot - Birthday Skype is just not the same as a birthday hug.)
Posted 17 November 2010 - 09:03 AM
I'm the same as you when it comes to making friends too. Most of the people we ended up being friends with were hubby's. It was only after a year that I grew close to one of the girls I worked with (and our shared passion for eating out ). She ended up being by BM when we got married when we moved back to Australia.
When I first arrived, I was too scared to venture out on my own since I didn't know anyone. Sad as it sounds I would sit at home and wait for hubby to finish work. This didn't work out too well for my self confidence and self esteem and I became totally dependent on him. I ended up seeing a counsellor just to talk through things (since I didn't have anyone to talk to!).
Anyway, in the end, I just had to put my foot down and forced myself to go out more, even it if was by myself. London is a fabulous, vibrant city. I'm sure there's lots to see and do. The hard part is getting motivated to go out!
I joined this website while I was away. There are lots of different groups with varied interests. So you may find something you might like? I joined an expat group and an eating out group and had a great time. Didn't really make many friends, but it was nice to hang out with people who had similar interests to me.
Hope that helps
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Posted 25 November 2010 - 07:34 AM
The first year is hard. I will not kid you. I have been away from oz since 2001 and nothing compares to that first year.
Even so when we came to the UK in 2008, 7 mth old baby in tow. I can remember feeling so very isolated that year. I remember saying to DH that I just wanted a friend to call and go for coffee.
It took time but I now have a small circle of friends who are friends IYKWIM. I forced myself to get out there (I am very shy) and take DS1 to playgroun etc
I remember waking up one day and thinking that this was home.
Hang in there.
Posted 25 November 2010 - 07:46 AM
I think the fact that I have something which forces me to get out of the house and socialise with people is a good thing.
I think I was just a little under-prepared for the experience - but can you ever be?
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