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Adoption


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#1 beebeedee

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Posted 26 September 2010 - 01:34 PM

Hi everyone,

I was first introduced to these forums back in June/July 2007 when I was planning my October 2007 wedding.

Since then I've flitted in and out to see how my I-Do brides to be were getting on, as well as dipping my toes in the pond of TTC while I was doing my first round of IVF, which failed and has since three times.

My reason for jumping back in again is to try and get some information on adoption.

I am English, I came to Australia in 1974 when my parents emigrated here. My mum and dad separated and I stayed with my dad for a while in rural Victoria while my mum went to Sydney. After a while my dad and I went back to England in 1976. We lived in Leicester. My dad met Lynne who had a 2 year old son Nicholas (he was half caste - his dad is black). We became brother and sister. We moved to Enderby on the outskirts of Leicester. My dad was made redundant (it was the late '70's) and my mum (step-mum) got a job at Carlton Hayes hospital as a nursing assistant. She became pregnant with Joseph who was born in September 1982. My dad and Lynne got married (I can't remember what year). Then everything went pear shaped. My dad was a qualified psychiatric nurse and then got a job as a prison officer at a prison down south that dealt with psychiatric inmates. We moved to Brackley Northamptonshire when I was 14. My dad was then posted to Wormwood Scrubs prison in London, he would stay in London during the week and come home on the weekends. It was here that he started an affair with an Irish woman. Two days before Christmas 1984 I was out taking Joe for a walk (he was now 2) I don't know where Nick was. I came home and my mum (step) told me that my dad had left. He came home ended his relationship with her then left. He left me with my step mum. Christmas was awful. My mum (step) told me that she was going to share the news with everyone on Christmas day that she was pregnant. Boxing day we all got on a bus and went to Leicester where we once lived and stayed with friends in the street we used to live in. My boyfriend's family looked after our house and fed our dog while we were gone. My dad ended up breaking into our family home to stay with his girlfriend while my mum (step) was miscarrying back in Leicester. My boyfriends dad came to collect us and we went home to a mess, the front door was smashed in, now boarded up. The dog had been left to run all over the house, and my dad had been staying there with his woman. It was a very strange Christmas. In April 1985 I turned 16. My dad had come home, but within a week he left again. That is the last time I ever saw him. My mum (step) was now 7 months pregnant. I got drunk and had a fight with a girl down the park and ended up going home with blood all over my face. This is the same day my dad had walked out on my 7 month pregnant mum (step). My mum told me I had to go. I left the next day and lived with my real mum's sister in Litchfield for the summer of 1985. My mum back in Australia was trying to get me over here to be with her. So with my mum and her sister trying to get things sorted I ended up back in Australia in July 1985. I didn't have anything to do with my family back in England. I think my mum stole letters (not that she has ever told me this) and she won't talk about what happened between her and my dad. Since the Facebook age I have now reconnected with all of my family back in England including my brother Ben who was born in July 1985 (after I had left) so I've never actually met him. Through my brother Joe I have reconnected with my dad 4 years ago, but ceased contact as he started to get abusive in his emails. I ended up having to tell him to eff off. I received a call a couple of weeks ago from Joe telling me our dad had died at the age of 62. He was found in bed by a neighbour. They had to conduct an autopsy and it came back with three possible causes of death. Two heart related and the other was kidney failure. None of my brothers had seen him in 5 years and Joe last spoke to him at Christmas. He became reclusive towards the end of his life. Not having much to do with the family (boys) or anyone in particular. During one of his rants in email he told me he had married a Russian woman who he met on the internet. She came to England with her son, but she left him soon after. I have now found out that I have another brother called Sam. He was born in 1985 and he's the same age as Ben. My dad lived with Sam's mum in or near Yorkshire. My brother Nick went to visit my dad, his new woman and Sam when Sam was about one. Then my dad and this woman separated and they gave their son up for adoption. I am absolutely gobsmacked with this piece of information. With all of the shocking things that my dad has done over the years I think this is the absolute worst thing he has done. How could any parent give up a child after bonding and becoming part of that childs life for well over a year.

This is why I am here today, I want to find my brother. I feel so upset about this whole thing, it's bringing me to tears thinking about it. That poor baby being given away after a year with his parents. Imagine how confused the poor boy would have been. How could anyone do that to a child they had loved. I know I don't know any of the circumstances as to why he was adopted out.

I know nothing about adoption. I've had a look on some websites today but the information offered is mainly about trying to adopt, not how to look for someone.

I had a look on these forums and there isn't anything really here about adoption.

Does anyone here know how I could even begin to look into this matter?

Any light shed would be greatly appreciated.
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~~27 October 2007~~


#2 aChocLover

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Posted 26 September 2010 - 03:38 PM


Wow sad.gif I couldn't read and not post.
((Hugs))

I really have no idea where you'd start sorry - Do you know where your half brother is? Was he actually adopted or put in a home for children, or is he fostered out? If he's already adopted to a family, I'm not sure how you go about even making contact.

Are you wanting to adopt him yourself or are you just wanting to make contact? I would imagine you'd need to know the exact particulars (name, DOB etc) - you should try to search the UK birth records.

#3 bats

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Posted 26 September 2010 - 06:47 PM

What a heart wrenching story. I don't know how you can find your brother but wanted to wish you all the best.

I also want to reassure you that your little brother most likely bonded with his new family easily. A friend of mine just adopted a two year girl from Tawain. Within 5 days she started to really bond and within two weeks it was like she had always been with them. Kids respond to love so well

Once again, wishing you all the best
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#4 lozgrl

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Posted 26 September 2010 - 07:16 PM

Wow, what a sad story sad.gif

I don't really know how you could contact him but I couldn't read and not post sad.gif

How about the UK Govt agency which deals with adoption? I assume they would have rules about who can contact adoptees etc?
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#5 moore

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Posted 09 October 2010 - 07:31 PM

Seeing as he was born in 1985, that would make him over the age of 18 and able to find out information on his birth parents, so he very well might be searching for them and any family (ie you) as well.

I too have very little knowledge about finding relatives through adoption, but if I learn anything I will be sure to alert you.

I am emotional about your story and wish you sooo much luck! You sound like such a loving person and I am sure that you will find what you're looking for. Big hugs xx
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