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Okay so it is officially over...


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#16 loveheart

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 10:47 AM

Without wanting to sound like a well-worn cliche..you really are better without him. Although, saying that doesn't really make it any easier on you sad.gif

I hope that you can find all the support and love you need from people that recognise what an amazing person you really are!

I couldn't read this and not respond..my thoughts are with you!

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#17 *Simone*

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 11:27 AM


It's easy for me to say but you shouldn't be feeling like crap. It sounds like you have gone above and beyond for this man who is giving next to nothing back, we all have to protect ourselves in the end. He really sounds like a man who is not willing or able to be a husband or father sad.gif and if that's the case he's only going to drag you down unless you cut him loose.

His other comments seemed to be designed to hurt you, about the other women, removing you from facebook etc. I wonder what these other women will think when he has to spend a large chunk of his salary on child support because he didn't want to be a father sad.gif mad.gif

While I understand your desire to keep things amicable, please make sure you are getting what you deserve. I think I recall he is living in your home still? Please see a solicitor who specialises in family law about your financial entitlements. Further, contact the child support agency and start a case with them. They backdate 3 months so if you ring asap you can make sure your getting your full entitlement from him. If you haven't already applied, there's also the SPP.
Don't allow yourself to be walked over by him for fear of things turning ugly, because it sounds like you're going to be supporting your precious girls yourself. You might have to get tough to get the support they deserve from their father whether he likes it or not, and they certainly deserve it more than future girlfriends he might have.

Just keep things neutral, and as to you dropping Zoe off and picking her up- seriously, stuff him! If he wants to see her, he can make the effort. At most I'd do either the pick up OR thje drop off. It doesn't sound like it'd be worth it for Zoe if all they would do together is watch TV sad.gif

Big (((HUGS))) I am so sorry he is being such a jerk to you and your girls. You sound like a lovely person and you don't deserve this. It never ceases to amaze me how cruel some people can be to their own family.

#18 KellM

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 11:35 AM

So sorry - unfortunatley I know what you are going through as well :-( Go and get legal advice - you should be able to get legal aid.

I know the sickening feeling re other women - it is the most horrible feeling in the world to find out you are being cheated on. Sucks.

Look after yourself. Here if you want to chat.
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#19 *Lib**

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 11:47 AM

I have no idea with advice for you but I understand the alcohol taking priority. I don't understand it being more important than us, but I guess that's the nature of the addiction. I think that in a way, its good that you now have 10 weeks to get yourself organised. I think it might be easier without him than it would be with him, one less person to 'worry'about. With my husband sometimes he makes thing more difficult just being there IYKWIM. The respponsibility of him has now been lifted by him, he is no longer your worry. Concentrate on you and the kids. Its his loss. And at the end of the day the kids will know its him, not you thats the problem.
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#20 sarah2010

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 11:56 AM

QUOTE(*Simone* @ Sep 1 2010, 11:27 AM) View Post

It's easy for me to say but you shouldn't be feeling like crap. It sounds like you have gone above and beyond for this man who is giving next to nothing back, we all have to protect ourselves in the end. He really sounds like a man who is not willing or able to be a husband or father sad.gif and if that's the case he's only going to drag you down unless you cut him loose.

His other comments seemed to be designed to hurt you, about the other women, removing you from facebook etc. I wonder what these other women will think when he has to spend a large chunk of his salary on child support because he didn't want to be a father sad.gif mad.gif

While I understand your desire to keep things amicable, please make sure you are getting what you deserve. I think I recall he is living in your home still? Please see a solicitor who specialises in family law about your financial entitlements. Further, contact the child support agency and start a case with them. They backdate 3 months so if you ring asap you can make sure your getting your full entitlement from him. If you haven't already applied, there's also the SPP.
Don't allow yourself to be walked over by him for fear of things turning ugly, because it sounds like you're going to be supporting your precious girls yourself. You might have to get tough to get the support they deserve from their father whether he likes it or not, and they certainly deserve it more than future girlfriends he might have.

Just keep things neutral, and as to you dropping Zoe off and picking her up- seriously, stuff him! If he wants to see her, he can make the effort. At most I'd do either the pick up OR thje drop off. It doesn't sound like it'd be worth it for Zoe if all they would do together is watch TV sad.gif

Big (((HUGS))) I am so sorry he is being such a jerk to you and your girls. You sound like a lovely person and you don't deserve this. It never ceases to amaze me how cruel some people can be to their own family.


Everything here I agree with. As distasteful as he is being you need to ignore it as he is just trying to hurt you. You need to seek legal advice asap... for you and both your girls.

xxx I am sorry you are going through this. What a selfish, sorry excuse for a man!
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#21 scary_girl

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 02:08 PM

Thanks everyone for your kind words. I am still reeling from some of things he said to me on Monday. I just can't believe it really.

I will have to call him tonight to discuss pick up and drop off of Zoe. Unfortunately since I only have access to my mum's car and since she is majorly pissed off with him she won't allow me to drop off or pick up Zoe, plus she doesn't want me driving for 2 hours while heavily pregnant (since 2 hours is how long a drop off or a pick up would take).

I also really need to tell him that the comments about other women and the facebook removal have really upset me. And once that is off of my chest I think I am only going to discuss the girls with him, and nothing else.

I have got child support sorted. But you are all right I need to seek some legal advice. It all seems a bit complicated because the house we were living in was owned by his parents. But the ex and I put $11 000 into it with renovations and of course we were paying off the mortage. Also he his the car that we bought together - which I think cost us $15 000. It is all so messy - I really hate it sad.gif

Does anyone know who I need to contact for legal aid? Bloody hell it is all stressing me out. I just hope bubs is going okay in there with the amount of crappy sleep, nightmares, crying and generally feeling like crap that I have been doing.

I still can't help but feel that I am expecting too much and that I have caused this family to fail. It is such an awful feeling sad.gif


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#22 Silvaa

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 03:20 PM

I had to respond too, I was swearing whilst reading your post as I can't believe the things he is saying to you!

I think you are doing the right thing by going your separate ways and many of the things he is saying he is saying just to hurt you.

You need to do what is best for yourself and your daughters at the moment and I don't think being with him is that. Being a single mum will/is hard - but you and your daughters deserve a loving environment!

Just had to add a bit more since I didn't see your last post before I replied. I can't work out how to quote properly on my iPad, but in regards to your last sentence please do not feel guilty you haven't done anything to make your family fail - all you have done is expect your husband to be a responsible husband and father, that is not expecting too much!!
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#23 Tigridia

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 04:08 PM

Alicia, you have done nothing to cause your family to fail. You have done everything you can to make it work. It's your husband that hasn't held up his end of the bargain. So please don't feel guilty. Sad and upset yes, guilty NO!
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#24 sarah2010

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 04:19 PM

QUOTE(Tigridia @ Sep 1 2010, 04:08 PM) View Post

Alicia, you have done nothing to cause your family to fail. You have done everything you can to make it work. It's your husband that hasn't held up his end of the bargain. So please don't feel guilty. Sad and upset yes, guilty NO!



this!! Oh Alicia it is not YOUR fault. He is the one being the ass. You are totally within your right to want and deserve a loving husband and happy family.
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#25 ClaireBear

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 08:17 PM

I couldn't read this and not respond. It sucks that he is behaving like this and I'm sorry. At least you know that you'll never look back and regret how you have behaved towards your family. He may not be able to say the same.


QUOTE(scary_girl @ Sep 1 2010, 02:08 PM) View Post

Does anyone know who I need to contact for legal aid? Bloody hell it is all stressing me out. I just hope bubs is going okay in there with the amount of crappy sleep, nightmares, crying and generally feeling like crap that I have been doing.


You should be able to contact Legal Aid directly, they have a website for each state if you google it. Otherwise, some private solicitors take on legal aid cases on a case by case basis. Try giving the number on the Legal Aid website a call and they should be able to advise you from there. Good luck.
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#26 SEA

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 08:43 PM

Oh sweetheart sad.gif I'm so sorry it has all come to this. He really needs to get his priorities sorted out - he is going to wake up and regret this one day. Much love to you xx

#27 aChocLover

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 08:46 PM


Thinking of you during this traumatic time sad.gif
Know that one day, when your girls are older - they'll look back fondly and remember the wonderful times they shared with you and they'll see their father for what he truly is.

And honestly, I think as hurtful as it is, it is better for the girls to not have him in their lives, rather than someone who can't be bothered, would rather drink and watch tv or finds them irritating sad.gif

I hope you one day find all the happiness your little family deserves, much love and strength to you xx

#28 crisis

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 08:47 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this, and you have every right to be angry with him now. He is being selfish, immature and utterly insensitive.

I hope you are ok. I don't think it is worth wasting an ounce of your emotions or energy on him at all! Please look after yourself. Hugs.
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#29 T-T

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 09:34 PM

I couldn't read and not post. I'm sorry it's come to this and sorry that he is being this way. I know it probably doesn't feel like it right now but it sounds like you and your girls will be much better off without him. Take care of you.

#30 Porthos

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 09:56 PM

Alicia, this is just awful sad.gif My heart goes out to you as no woman should have to go through this, let alone heavily pregnant and dealing with a toddler every day.

I am utterly blown away by some of the comments M has made - who the hell does he think he is??? if other women are interested, good luck to them - I would consider yourself well rid of him. And why must you organise the drop offs and pick ups all of a sudden? I am baffled as to where that request has come from? God, the whole thing is a mess.

But this...

QUOTE(scary_girl @ Sep 1 2010, 02:08 PM) View Post

I still can't help but feel that I am expecting too much and that I have caused this family to fail. It is such an awful feeling sad.gif
Alicia.


...made me feel so sad. Lovely Alicia...you have NOT caused your family to fail. You have had the guts to stick to your convictions about what a family should be - and for the record your idea of family life (discussing spending / sharing money decisions, doing family activities together, sharing care of the child/ren when both at home together, not drinking to excess regularly etc etc) is completely and utterly reasonable and normal.

I admire your strength and determination to do the right thing for you and your girls.

I just wish M would stop hurting you by saying and doing these horrible things. You deserve so much better.

I am thinking of you, lots and lots, and sending so many good vibes and well wishes your way.
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