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Okay so it is officially over...


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#1 scary_girl

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Posted 31 August 2010 - 10:56 PM

Hiya all,

Last time I spoke about my relationship falling apart it was all about "I think it is over". Now I can safely say that it is over and I am feeling like absolute crap today.

Ex came over last night for a chat about what was happening between us. It started off pleasantly enough - the 3 topics that we always discuss came up. 1) The spending - and how he would try to not spend as much to fix that. (Even though he just made 2 purchases adding up to over a grand). 2) The drinking - he is going to try to not drink when he is alone and not in front of Zoe unless in social situations. 3) The "family" issues. Which he is not willing to budge on.

Ex said that he is not interested in going to the park/beach/picnic/anything really. And he considers that quality time with Zoe is when she is watching High 5 or In the Night Garden. I said that it is really selfish that he won't do anything that she enjoys doing (like going outside) and he said he isn't interested. But it is more than that - just a general attitude that anything to do with Zoe is my job because he is the breadwinner - that he deserves the weekend off to relax and if Zoe needs anything then that it is what I am there for. It is hard to put into words but basically to me we were/are not a family unit and he isn't interested in making changes in that regards.

So he is still spending money (new amplifier, new leather jacket), still drinking (so much that he burst his blood vessels in his eyes from spewing) and he is still isn't interested in doing things as a family. So I told him that it wasn't going to work.

And here are just a few things that have pissed me off from that conversation...
- he kept on saying he was at a fork in the road and he needed to know whether we were going to get back together. When I asked what the fork in the road meant he said he has had offers from other women and he didn't want to get emotionally invested if we still had a chance sleep.gif God it has only being 3 months since we separated and he is already thinking of seeing people - while I am still pregnant sleep.gif

- he says that he may have to move interstate to get work, that there is nothing keeping him here, then after a long pause except for you guys sad.gif

- he asked that I dropped off or picked up Zoe each time he has her - which would be a 2 hour round trip for me, plus he has our car so I would have to borrow mum's car and I'm almost 31 weeks pregnant dry.gif

- he has now removed me from his facebook - which is really immature, but mainly annoys me because I can't see any status updates to do with Zoe or any photos that he has taken of Zoe.

So any words of advice on how to keep it amicable from now on would be lovely. I have a bad feeling that things could get a bit nasty now. And the thought of him wanting to hook up with someone else is seriously making me feel ill. I can't believe he is considering that before our daughter is even born sad.gif

Do you think I have been silly, have I done the wrong thing? I am feeling like such a mess right now.


Alicia.

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#2 {Manda}

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Posted 31 August 2010 - 11:26 PM

I don't have anything to say, except that I'm sorry for you that it has turned out like this sad.gif

And how f*cking insensitive of him to be talking about sleeping with other women while you are still pregnant with HIS child!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#3 ~Kristy~

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Posted 31 August 2010 - 11:51 PM

Wish i had something useful to say but couldnt not respond. Im sorry you have to go through this xx
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#4 **** Sarah and Adam ****

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 06:24 AM

What a pig! i'm sorry I just have no other words,I read that and I feel like he is saying those things to deliberately hurt you and get you to take him back without the changes that you want made.
IMO you are better off without him, I don't believe families should break up but I just question what you would get out of this if you were together.

In terms of keeping it amicable. My sister is no longer talking to her ex about anything other than their child. Even then it is always arguments so often it is by text message as well. IMO My ex brother in law is very immature BUT my sister just remains mature and sensible despite that.

Massive hugs.

#5 Tigridia

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 08:40 AM

Oh sweety, what a bad situation sad.gif Really, I do think you are better off without him. He isn't treating you or your family with respect. I hope he wakes up to himself enough to be a proper father to Zoe and bub.

I'm not sure I have any practical advice but I think just try and keep things about the children and don't communicate with him on any other matters. As for the dropping off/picking up thing. I think it is totally unreasonable but I'm not sure what the solution is. I do think you need to seek legal advice asap to start sorting out assets and custody arrangements. As harsh as it might seem, if it is really over (which it seems it is) you need to protect your family and get what you are entitled to.

As for the telling you about other woman. He is being an immature prick and is deliberately hurting you. Try not to dwell on it too much. You can't control his behaviour and ultimately you will have a great life and will find happiness with someone else down the track.

Big hugs.
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#6 jodie1980

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 09:12 AM

I think you are better off without him too. What an awful awful man. It sounds like he is trying to relive his youth and doesn't want any responsibilities. TBH my 21 year old boyfriend sounds alot more mature than him. It's so ridiculous that he has taken you off his FB page as well. I think that you have tried so much to make things work and he just isn't stepping up to the plate. You deserve to be with someone who shares your dreams for your family and future. I think you will be fine on your own as much as it will hurt for a long time in the end I believe everything happens for a reason and your future will be alot happier without him and this constant worry about money, drinking and family that you have been going through.
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#7 LoveSweetpea

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 09:14 AM

QUOTE(scary_girl @ Aug 31 2010, 10:56 PM) View Post

Ex said that he is not interested in going to the park/beach/picnic/anything really. And he considers that quality time with Zoe is when she is watching High 5 or In the Night Garden. I said that it is really selfish that he won't do anything that she enjoys doing (like going outside) and he said he isn't interested. But it is more than that - just a general attitude that anything to do with Zoe is my job because he is the breadwinner - that he deserves the weekend off to relax and if Zoe needs anything then that it is what I am there for. It is hard to put into words but basically to me we were/are not a family unit and he isn't interested in making changes in that regards.

And here are just a few things that have pissed me off from that conversation...
- he kept on saying he was at a fork in the road and he needed to know whether we were going to get back together. When I asked what the fork in the road meant he said he has had offers from other women and he didn't want to get emotionally invested if we still had a chance sleep.gif God it has only being 3 months since we separated and he is already thinking of seeing people - while I am still pregnant sleep.gif


Oh sweet, I am so sorry that you are going through all of this now. I find it very, very sad for him that his view of spending quality time with his child is her sat in front of the TV. Poor Zoe, but at least she has a mummy who gives her the world, and in time to come that's what she'll remember and thank you for, for being such a wonderful mum wub.gif

As for his comments regarding the other women, IF it is true then I think that is appalling that he could be even thinking about getting "emotionally invested" with someone else, whilst you are still pregnant with his second child mad.gif Especially when he has so little emotionally invested in you and Zoe. I'm not sure how much of that he's capable of. BUT, I wonder if it's even true, or whether this is a way for him to get at you, and make you want to take him back so that the "other women" can't have him.

I don't know. The whole post has made me so very angry. You have always come across as such a lovely, lovely person and I feel very mad that you are being treated this way.

Sending you a huuuuuuge hug, as I don't really have any constructive advice for you.
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#8 chelley

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 09:34 AM

What a horrendous individual he is. He sounds dreadful. I am sorry you are hurting right now. I think that you just need to be as mature as you can be - and that means making sure you get the correct legal advice to protect you and your daughters
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#9 Monica

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 09:35 AM

You are doing the right thing Alicia.

I am SO sorry it has come to this.

If I am brutally honest, your husband is being a major jerk and I cannot see any ounce of light at the end of the tunnel with his current attitude towards you, Zoe and your unborn princess.

Honestly, you are SO much better of without him, other than money, what does he give you?

I am sorry if I am being harsh but I am SO furious for you.

When will some men (and women for that matter) learn that a family is a privilege, not a right and it takes time and effort to nurture that.
God, he is so lucky to have a wife, a daughter and another on the way, he is just too freakin’ blind and selfish to see it.

Hugs gorgeous girl, you’ll get through this

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#10 August22

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 09:37 AM

Alicia I am so sad that you are going through this - especially at this time where you should be totally looked after and he should be taking the stress off you sad.gif

I haven't gone through your exact situation as I wasn't with C's father so didn't have the emotional ties, however he was a complete tool at times and it is not a pleasant thing to go through when pregnant.

What I can tell you is there is nothing worse than seeing your child go with their father when you have been fighting with them. This is why I did everything I could for it to stay amicable. I could tell you some stories about how horrible he was at times but I really tried to just ignore it and not let it bother me too much. Having said that you should not be walked over so driving 2 hours for him to see Zoe is completely unreasonable in my mind. I think you can offer to do whatever you are comfortable with so perhaps meet halfway or you do one trip. I used to do this just so I could have a pleasant drop off and pick up, it made a massive difference.

The main thing you need to do is make sure you have as little stress as possible. You are better off without him in the long run if he is not willing to make what I think are such small requests on your part. You won't be able to forget him as he will be a part of your life until the kids are all grown but there is no doubt in my mind that he is the one who has lost out and you will have a much better life without him as your partner.

Just conentrate on your amazing daughter and your soon to be newest arrival and be happy. Things will get better for you and I think you are an amazingly strong woman who said no, this is not good enough for me and my family.
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#11 karry327

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 09:46 AM

Alicia, I know it must be hard now however I think you will thank yourself so many times over the years (as will your girls) that you walked away from this loser.

Drinking so much that his blood vessels have burst from spewing - nice! What a winner. Talking about "offers" from other women blink.gif - no doubt this is why he's deleted you as a friend on facebook - so you can't see what he's up to. Nothing for him here - oh except his beautiful daughters.

Honestly, what a total dead sh!t. Encourage him to move interestate - will be SOOOOO much easier on all of you.

Oh and personally, if he wants to see his daughter, he has to make the effort - not you!


#12 Rachae

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 10:08 AM

What a pig!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my gosh!!

I am sitting here in absolute shock. I can't fathom the selfishness of some people.
This makes me angry too, because you ARE such a wonderful loving person and you arent getting anything back.

I cant believe he removed you from facebook aswell. That is just stupid you are still 'married' you have 2 children together! That is just appalling.

The whole situation is appalling.

You deserve so much better than this Alicia, you really trully do. You deserve a loving partner, and an active parenting partner.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this, its just such a shitty situation to be in. sad.gif

I have no advice for trying to keep it amicable. The only advice I have is put in what you are getting, don't let him or anyone else make you feel guilty or like everything is your responsiblilty. Such as Zoe, if he wants to see her, he can make the time and effort, he can pick her up and organise what he wants to do.

Take care of yourself beautiful girl.

HUUUGGGSS!
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#13 purpledixie

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 10:19 AM

I just wanted to say I am sorry and your story makes me incredibly sad and I really feel for you. I agree with the other girls you need to get some legal advice.

Have you discussed if he will be present at the birth of your baby? It must be so stressful.

I hope it gets better for you.

#14 bella~ad

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 10:21 AM

O.M.G... what a douche...

I don't have much more to add that the other girls haven't already. I do think you need to start looking into legal advice (if you haven't already done so). Just to cover yourself, because from just reading what you have said.. He is in this for himself, so will probably do the same now that you have separated if you know what I mean.

telling you about other women... not wanting to make an effort for his own daughter and another daughter on the way.... drinking so much.... You are better off without him.. You don't need the stress especially right now..

Sending you massive hugs hun..


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#15 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 01 September 2010 - 10:42 AM

I wish I had some advice for you hun, but I'm still trying to find a way through this myself.

I know EXACTLY what you are going through. Knowing there is other women (or in my case, girl) is such a sickening feeling, and there is no easy way through it.

I'm sorry that it has ended up like this for you sad.gif Call me if you need to chat xox
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