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Engagement thank yous for no gift?


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#1 Kate8711

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 08:16 AM

Hello fellow Bride To Be’s!

We’ve just had our engagement party over the weekend (yay!) and seemed to have a lot of people come who didn’t give a gift – not that we had the party to get gifts but some of them it just seemed weird (one bridesmaid, one groomsmen etc) and close relatives (who didn’t travel very far to get there) who wont be going to the wedding (as it’s a destination wedding).

Do we still send out thank you cards to those who came to the party but didn’t give a gift? My thoughts have always been you say “thank you for coming” individually to everyone at the party but then the official “thank you” they receive in the mail is for the gift.

Does anyone know what the correct etiquette is for attendance but no gift?


#2 -Megs-

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 08:19 AM

I would send them a note thanking them for helping you to celebrate the occassion.

#3 smileykylie

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 08:25 AM

I agree with Megs, thanking them for helping celebrate the ocassion is a nice gesture
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#4 Woodland

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 08:28 AM

I didn't send thank you cards to those that didn't give a gift.
I actually received a thank you card once from a person where I only sent a card (I wasn't going to the wedding) and it made me feel embarassed.

#5 babybonus

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 10:22 AM

If you are planning to send thank you cards, you really should send it to everyone who attended whether they brought presents or not. Apart from being the proper thing to do, people will talk to each other and it wouldn't be nice for your non-gifter guests to realise that others got a thank you card and they didn't.
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#6 Vik

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 06:37 PM

I would definitely send a thank you, regardless of whether you received a gift or not.
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#7 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 06:42 PM

I have always been under the impression that the "thank you" is to those who helped you celebrate, be it by attending, with a gift or card or without.

I think traditionally it may have been just for gifts, but in this day and age I think that a thank you should be extended to those who attended without gifts, otherwise its like you're only acknowledging those who brought gifts.

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#8 disneyfied

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 07:30 PM

We sent one to everyone who attended, gift or no gift. I wanted everyone to know how much we appreaciated them coming to celebrate with us. If they received a gift we also mentioned a seperate thank-you for this in the message.

I also sent thank-yous to everyone who sent us flowers or cards when we first got engaged, I was so touched by everyone's thoughts.

I love thank-you cards, it always makes me smile when I get them, and since our e-party when I have seen our thank-yous on people's fridges, it makes me smile to know they appreciated them smile.gif



#9 pinkbutterfly

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 08:56 PM

I would send out a card to everyone who attended, gift or not, and to those who have given a card or gift or done something special who didnt come too.

For those who came but didnt give a gift write something like this.

Dear So & So,

Thank you for joining us at our engagment party. It was so great to Celebrate with so many family and friends. We really appreciated you being there with us.

Lots of love,

Her & Him.
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#10 chelley

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 09:07 PM

I also would send a thank you despite receiving a gift or not. I think it is about them sharing in the experience of celebrating with you.
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#11 nephthys

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Posted 25 July 2010 - 09:48 PM

I agree with the girls above that a card along the lines of "thank you for helping us celebrate" is a nice gesture. They still took time out of their lives to get ready and attend so it's nice to acknowledge that.
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#12 Woodland

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Posted 26 July 2010 - 08:15 AM

Yeah they took the time to come and drink your free booze and eat your free food so you should thank them formally for that??? I don't agree.
If they didn't bother to take the time to write you a card then why should you feel you have to? Personally I think its a bit over the top to send a formal thank you card for just turning up! But that's just me. You probably already thanked people for turning up in your speech?
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#13 Gretch

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Posted 26 July 2010 - 09:10 AM

QUOTE(carrie @ Jul 26 2010, 08:15 AM) View Post
Yeah they took the time to come and drink your free booze and eat your free food so you should thank them formally for that??? I don't agree.
Wow, that's the spirit! ohmy.gif
If you invited them formally, then you thank them formally in my opinion.

Why did you invite them - to celebrate the occasion or for a gift?

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#14 Woodland

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Posted 26 July 2010 - 09:21 AM

QUOTE(Gretch @ Jul 26 2010, 09:10 AM) View Post

Why did you invite them - to celebrate the occasion or for a gift?


I certainly didn't invite people to get gifts. But I always get other people a lovely gift for engagements, weddings and babies. I think its such a special occasion so I make the extra effort. I was surprised that other people don't go to the same effort. I just don't think that formal thank you cards need to be sent out if they didn't bring a gift. Thats just my opinion.


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#15 Malibustaci

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Posted 26 July 2010 - 09:38 AM

QUOTE(carrie @ Jul 26 2010, 08:15 AM) View Post
Yeah they took the time to come and drink your free booze and eat your free food so you should thank them formally for that??? I don't agree.
If they didn't bother to take the time to write you a card then why should you feel you have to? Personally I think its a bit over the top to send a formal thank you card for just turning up! But that's just me. You probably already thanked people for turning up in your speech?


I agree! It would not even cross my mind to send a thank you card for essentially attending a party we are throwing. I think for those who have helped with the set up/organisation then definitely - but for just attending no way!




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