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Issues at school


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#1 ~Sally~

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Posted 23 June 2010 - 01:21 PM

DS has been having issues at school in the last few years - it appears he becomes 'frustrated' if he doesn't understand what is being asked of him by the teacher - and either sooks, refuses to work, or buries himself under the cushion pile and cries.

Last years teacher noted some of the same issues - more the refusal when he becomes frustrated - and we worked together with that and overcame at least some of the issues.

This year his teacher has done the same sort of thing - but DS, although aware of his behaviour and what he should and shouldnt do, continues to do the same thing. It has now reached a stage where the school is really concerned about his behaviour and is recommended - at this stage - that he at least speak to the school social worker.

I asked DS last night what had been going on at school - in preparation for speaking to his teacher today, and why did he think his teacher wanted to speak to me - and I was told that 'I've been good, I've tried hard. Sometimes I DO get frustrated, but I do try.'

The teacher explained that although he has been a bit better this term - the end of last term was a shocker, and he's behaviour at swimming this week has been consistent with the refusal and sooking....

So he is now only telling me what I want to hear - even though he knows that I will hear it from the teacher - and i did explain that I would prefer to hear anything that is going on from HIM and not from the teacher first.

His bio-father says there is 'nothing wrong' and that 'the school just needs to deal with it' AND that 'well I was like it as a kid and there is nothing wrong with me - so what if he ends up with no friends'.

I have spoken at length previously to DS about his behaviour and even went as far to suggest that if his behaviour at school didn't improve then prehaps we'd have to re-think about some of the 'extras' that he does - like soccer - but I know he LOVES soccer and it's good for his social skills and his patience as so far his team has not won a single match and he is so upbeat about it all!!

His behaviour at home? Nothing out of the ordinary - we ask him to do something he does it, if things don't work out with something he's making out of lego etc he tries again. He also likes to please - saying nice things to people "you're a great cook mum", "I'll help with the dishes" and do things without having to be asked!!
We did go through a patch of tears and tantrums if he didn't want to do it, or if something didn't work out.... but that resolved itself.

I am now at a loss.....


#2 nephthys

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Posted 23 June 2010 - 09:44 PM

I don't have any advice I'm sorry. I think you're doing great being his support, listening and believing him. I guess all you can do is continue like you have been and hope he'll find his feet? smile.gif
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#3 pinkbutterfly

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Posted 23 June 2010 - 09:56 PM

I dont think it would hurt to speak to the school counselllor. They may have some ideas about teaching him some new techniques for him to manage his own behaviour better. Might also be worth getting his hearing and eyes checked, maybe there is an underlying issue that has gone unnoticed due to the behaviour?
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#4 ~Sally~

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Posted 25 June 2010 - 01:42 PM

Thanks girls.

I have no problem with him speaking to the school counsellor - I would have signed the paperwork then and there if the teacher had let me - but they need his fathers signature as well as mine - thus a meeting this Thursday to talk things through.

His bio father still has his head in the sand about it all as is going for the - 'but he's a kid and thats what all kids do' line.
His step mother is trying to help - but I'm wondering whether her method - while it works for some kids, is going to work for DS - she thinks he needs to meditate.....

I'm thinking I found some more of the issue on speaking to DS yesterday - instead of asking for help if he doesn't understand he keeps trying, and keeps trying, until he gets frustrated and then obviously he cracks.

I've explained to him the importance of asking for help if he needs it - but he wants to be able to do it all on his own - and for some reason thinks he SHOULD be able to do everything first go.

I used his reading as an example for him - he was slow to pick up reading, and now he's picked it up he loves it - he's improved 100% since last year - and that was because he tried and asked, and practised that he didn't get it the first go. I'm hoping he understood what I said.

So we'll wait and see how things go with the teacher on Thurs.

#5 chelley

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Posted 25 June 2010 - 09:06 PM

Good luck for your meeting on Thursday.

I am a teacher and I think going to see the school counsellor is a good idea.

I have some suggestions for you and some questions that you could ask the teacher which may assist your son. Pm me if you want. I have offered professional advice before and coped some flack so PM me if you want some ideas.
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