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Not doing well......


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#1 Em-Jay

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 08:42 PM

So yeah.... despite all my efforts I can feel myself slipping into that dreaded spiral again..... I am getting some panic attacks, I am anxious all the time, feeling sick and tired most of the time and above all just feeling like I can't cope on my own....

Not that I am on my own (thankfully!) I do have a wonderful DH and very supportive family, but I am starting to freak out being on my own with Em which is obviously not good - and getting panicky about stupid little things (like the fact that she is getting a cold) rolleyes.gif

Don't have my next appointment with the psych until the 24th but feeling the way I am feeling right now I just don't think I can put off medication for much longer....
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#2 chelley

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 08:45 PM

Just wanted to let you know I read your message. Meds can be safe in pregnancy hon. If you need an urgent appointment push for one sooner if possible.

Good on you for being honest
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#3 SEA

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 08:47 PM

I'm really sorry it's coming back, N sad.gif An extra visit and some meds might be the best thing. You need to feel comfortable and calm.

Thinking of you xx

#4 Em-Jay

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 08:49 PM

Thanks for reading smile.gif It helps to get it all out sometimes! Its hard to really let it all show to my loved ones - they get too worried.....
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#5 **Vanessa**

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 09:37 PM

I echo pushing for an earlier appointment. When you need help, you need help.

It is hard to let those close to you know exactly how you are feeling. I know my family don't know the half of how I feel, but i have my psych and my online friends that I can confide in.
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#6 bellarosa

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Posted 09 June 2010 - 10:09 PM

Nicki, good on you for speaking up! Well done smile.gif Sorry to hear that it's rearing it's ugly head again sad.gif

Has you psych given you any techniques to help you cope? I would definitely be trying to get in earlier!

Did you do meds last time before or after Em was born?

Always here if you need to chat!
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#7 atua

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 07:14 AM

oh nicki sad.gif

the big thing that screams at me from your post is you still have the self-awareness to know that something is wrong and you're being pro-active to stop it from going further - that is a HUGE thing hun - even though you might be on the spiral (and only you will truly know that) you can still control to an extent your thoughts, be proud of yourself.

i'm the same - i don't let a lot of ppl know what is truly going on - sometimes even adrian doesn't know everything that is going on in my head as i'm trying to process it before i can talk to anyone else.

push for the earlier appt if you feel you need it hun - for me that's too long between appts in pregnancy - max i would feel comfortable with is a f/night between - just because you're coming up to 30 weeks (hormone surge) and that was the big leap that my team were worried about in terms of mental state.
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#8 Penny P Star

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 07:28 AM

Just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and I can only echo the other girls - don't wait for your appt if you think you need more urgent help.

xoxo

#9 Camilla

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 08:23 AM

I can't really add anything from experience but I am thinking of you and I think that you are doing so well. The fact that you can talk about it (even if it is to us and not to your family just yet) and are aware of your "warning" signs is really great. I hope you can get in to see someone sooner rather than later so you can get some reassurance.

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#10 Em-Jay

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 09:15 AM

Thanks guys smile.gif Sam you are so right! I do feel damn proud of myself as last time (with Emily) I didn't even realise that my behaviour/actions weren't normal..... This time I do, so I am already in front! I had a very very brief chat to DH last night as he sat me down and asked what was wrong, and that I had been acting really weird/frustrated/on edge lately so I told him my concerns..... He said that he really really wants me to try medication as I have tried everything else and I need to be 'with it' when bubba arrives as he can only have a few days off work which will be a strain on everybody....

So will be ringing and asking to get put on the cancellation list for the psychiatrist today.... I am also thinking of finishing work earlier, as that is a major cause of my stress at the moment. I was in such a tizz about work yesterday that I couldn't even make it out of the house to do my relaxation yoga last night sad.gif
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#11 SmittenKitten

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 10:12 AM

Oh lovely... U know where I am if u need to chat!! wub.gif

I definatly thik you need to take some extra time off. Get your head around things and go from there. If you can see the psych earlier then I think that would be wonderful Do you have a regualr obs that can give your psych a call and push for an earlier appointment??

You are doing wonderfully! To know that there is a problem and to face that is a HUGE step! wub.gif wub.gif
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#12 lil chicken

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 10:36 AM

Emjay, what meds were you on previously? There are lots of AD's that are safe during pregnancy. I'm taking Zoloft currently for anxiety.

It's such a lonely and horrible feeling when you are aware you're becoming more anxious and you're taking steps to relax but your body isn't reciprocating.

Your talk with DH was great, identifying exactly what it is that is making you feel anxious right now. One thing I've learned if I can feel a spiral is to do just that (and I'm doing that at the moment) is to sit down and go 'Ok, what is worrying me right now, what is making me feel anxious', then do a thought montitering form about it, keep it and re read it, or if that doesn't work, talk to the psych about it, bump your appt forward...or could you do a phone appt?

Then use all your skills each time you feel consiously anxious, do some grounding exercises, slow breathing and on the outbreath say 'just relax' in a slow breathy tone 10 times.
If your thoughts are obsessive play a game and say each time I think of 'blah' (could be stressful thoughts about work) I'm going to change my thought pattern and think of a differnt thing I'm looking forward to coming up each time (like DH's birthday, going to see Fame on the weekend, that massage you have coming up), that way you'll identify HOW MANY times a day you are thinking of your stressful thought (as it will equal how many different things you need to think of that you are looking forward to), then you can head it off at the pass, as you'll get sick of coming up with games, or you can report to your psych and say that you KNOW you are thinking of this obsessively because you had to play the game 20 times in an hour or something.

If you need to chat, don't hesitate to Pm me, I'm feeling very similar at the moment.

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#13 Em-Jay

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 11:29 AM

Thanks Beth and Lil Chicken smile.gif

LC - Everything you say really hits home!! I have been writing down the things that are stressing me out and I have put them in my freezer laugh.gif So subconsciously freezing out the people/situations that are making me stressed! I have been prescribed Cipramil 20mg, and have started taking it this morning (see below!!)

I rang my psych and he has squeezed me in for an emergency 15 minute appointment tomorrow yay! He has also advised that it's time to start the meds, and I am at the point where that's OK because anything is better than how I am feeling right now..... So I went to the bathroom, got my unopened packet out and took my first tablet. The relief I got from just taking that step was unbelievable! I know realistically that they take up to 4 weeks to 'kick in' but just the fact that I have finally made a decision, and I can stop worrying about whether or not I am doing the right thing was such a weight off my mind!

It was really telling, and one of the things that made me notice that my anxiety was back - was the stress I felt over whether or not to medicate. I have been obsessing over it for weeks, having panic attacks, worrying about me, worrying about the baby, worrying about what everybody else would think.... This morning while on the phone to the Dr I realised that IS anxiety. If I was fine, I would just say "I am going to take it" or "I won't take it", and that would be it. The fact that I was obsessing over it a million times a day and waking up with panic attacks wondering if I was making the right decision??? Well unfortunatley not normal behaviour by any stretch of the imagination!!

Anway, that's where it's at lovely ladies smile.gif
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#14 SEA

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 07:05 PM

So glad that you were able to see your psych and start on some meds. Well done on taking the first step smile.gif

#15 **** Sarah and Adam ****

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 07:12 PM

Nicki big hugs to you. Do you know what I think? I think you are such a massively strong incredible woman who is such a wonderful mother. I hope the medication has you feeling that way just a tiny bit.




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