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Single Mums Support Thread


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#31 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 06:04 PM

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#32 RosiePosie

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 06:16 PM

QUOTE(Jazy84 @ Jun 2 2010, 06:01 PM) View Post

Ok, how about what I could bring to the thread.
But thats fine assume away. But I can relate to the issues you mentioned. Your points made.
I wont bother trying to contribute because clearly I'm a partner parent butting in. Good bye.


I'm sure we could empathise with any issues you bring but I personally wouldn't relate to them because YOU HAVE A PARTNER! I don't know your situation but perhaps the FIFO thread would be more suitable to you?

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#33 ellemjaye

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 06:21 PM

QUOTE(Jazy84 @ Jun 2 2010, 05:05 PM) View Post

not to cause controvesy but I also think this is an unfair statement. I can't see what issues you will raise here as "single mother's" that i can't benefit from. I may not be single but I do all the mothering myself. We get just as much income wise as a single mother, so yes I still have bills to pay on a very tight budget that doesn't quite make the cut, and we live basic lives. I also dont have anyone to call or no where to go when the going gets tough. by the time i get home at 8pm with my son to put him to bed, I'm too exhausted to be social....how does it not compare!

Yanno perhaps if your first post in this thread was a little less "not to cause controversy ... but how does it not compare?" then perhaps it would have been better received? unsure.gif



#34 **Vanessa**

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 06:34 PM

QUOTE(Jazy84 @ Jun 2 2010, 03:05 PM) View Post

not to cause controvesy but I also think this is an unfair statement. I can't see what issues you will raise here as "single mother's" that i can't benefit from. I may not be single but I do all the mothering myself. We get just as much income wise as a single mother, so yes I still have bills to pay on a very tight budget that doesn't quite make the cut, and we live basic lives. I also dont have anyone to call or no where to go when the going gets tough. by the time i get home at 8pm with my son to put him to bed, I'm too exhausted to be social....how does it not compare!


ellemjaye answered it perfectly. I am not saying you are excluded but do not say it is the same, because it isn't. It is akin to TTC for a month and then going into LTTC and saying but I also really badly want a baby so it is the same.

Yes I am sh!tty today because child support was due yesterday, he 'pays' every 4 weeks so I am waiting on $680. I currently have a bank account balance of oh about $0. I probably won't have any more until next Wednesday as my text has so far gone un-answered. Thankfully I do fortnightly shopping and bought 2 tins of formula. So I can live, but Sunday is my birthday, and I would have liked to have done something. And yes I know child support isn't for me but all my money goes on living expenses, as he supposedly pays me so much child support so my payments are less. Yes I am living on other peoples money, but that is the way life goes sometimes.

Thanks Rosie- My mum is in England, so not so much support, and my dad lives about 20 minutes away, but hen they have Abbey it is on their terms, so it is just easier if I do everything myself. I know it is silly but I feel funny asking someone else to look after her, just because I want a time out, I feel a bit selfish.
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#35 lena

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 07:00 PM

I suppose I should join in here to. I have been a single mother for almost 3 months now, doesn't look like its going to change anytime soon bc he won't stop drinking. To tell the truth if it wasn't for ZAck and bub on the way I would be gone never to come back. I am currently living with my parents while he is in our house (I so wish I got him removed instead of leaving).

My biggest concern is him having to much access of ZAck bc he always drinks, has never looked after him, looses his temper with him so quickly (his 2 for god sake he doesn't want to watch the tv program you are watching play with him) and won't put his best intrest first and would put his or his families before him. When we are fighting he always talks about having him 50% of the time if he wanted too.
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#36 _Alana_

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 07:04 PM

Jazy - I really think you had no right coming in and sprouting about not fitting in into this topic. You dont have to 'get' something for every topic. I think it was very rude and patronising to come in here like that. Do you get something out of every topic on here? blink.gif

Im sorry to the single mums that you needed to feel like you couldnt have a thread to talk in.

Yes ive come in here and read some - just what it was like being a single mumma - because if the day ever came i dont think i could do it. So i take my hat of to you all. Even more so for the ones that children dont even have time away with their fathers.

Wow sorry ppls attitudes still baffle me rolleyes.gif
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#37 **Vanessa**

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 07:14 PM

Lena, how hard for you. I don't really have any advice as I have Abbey 100% of the time, and he has never asked to see her. As far as I understand it the family court do try to do shared care, if it is in the best interest of the child. However from what you write, it is clearly not in Zack's best interest. Have you spoken to legalaide about it?

Thanks Alana smile.gif
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#38 RosiePosie

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 07:40 PM

Lena - I'm not sure what to say other than please take care of yourself and write EVERYTHING down. sad.gif What a horrible time you are having lately sad.gif

QUOTE(_Alana_ @ Jun 2 2010, 07:04 PM) View Post

because if the day ever came i dont think i could do it.


Thanks for your support Alana smile.gif Glad someone understands!! Just on this ^^ and I'm not being grumpy at you at all but I really hate it when people say that too! tongue.gif I know it comes from the best intentions but the vast majority of single mothers don't choose to be so and we just cope because we have to. Like I said, I appreciate where you are coming from and I'm not even saying not to say it (others have said the same thing in this thread as a showing of support for SM's wub.gif ). Hope I've made sense smile.gif

It reminds me - I work with people with disabilities and their families often hear the same saying and mostly hate it too! Nobody (generally) chooses to be in a disadvantaged situation.

Eeck, do I sound like I've got my grumpy pants on today huh.gif laugh.gif

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#39 ellemjaye

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 08:13 PM

Lena and Em sad.gif It's so hard and raw at the start.

Lena I will second Rosie and suggest you document everything. My XH was all "blah blah 50/50" at the start but when he realised that would mean he'd have to move out on his own - away from his dear mummy - he dropped that one pretty quick laugh.gif rolleyes.gif You may find the same thing, your ex might be the kind of guy who would realise the impact the kids would have on his lifestyle (eg drinking) and not pursue it too much (wishful thinking?)

And also I would add to Rosie (again! I'm your stalker!) I get annoyed when my IRL close friends say stuff like "gee I don't know how you cope", when I would much rather them say "gee it must be tough how can I help you cope?"

Alana I do know you said it with the best of intentions though smile.gif I'm not annoyed at you - your support is much appreciated.

#40 _Alana_

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 08:21 PM

No i can completely understand where u are coming from. Yes i understand that i should be saying how can i help you cope. But also i do stand by what i meant that i really dont know how 'i' could cope - yes you all may not 'cope' so well everyday at all times - your not expected to but i know how i could come on here talk normal, get on with my life, keep a job etc when the day comes i guess i will learn that too, Instead of thinking ppl at patronising you when they say it maybe they admiring you - well i was anyway, because i dont think i could do it so well i admire that you can.

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#41 ellemjaye

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 08:31 PM

All good! I get you! I was more referring to my real-life friends who I hold to a higher standard than i-do people biggrin.gif

We are pretty awesome to cope with it all biggrin.gif and when I was partnered I didn't know how single parents did it either smile.gif



I also was under the mis-apprehension at the time that the main struggle was the physical work of parenting alone. Boy was I in for a shock laugh.gif wacko.gif

#42 * MsSassy *

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 09:06 PM

Hi ladies,

You can count me in. This is my 2nd bought of single parenthood. However this time I am out on my own with my kids. First time I was still living with my mum, so I did have an extra set of hands on call if needed.

I think having been there before I knew I could cope and manage and honestly I think I found it easier when it was just me parenting. No need for comprimise. My son was mine and I didn't have to share him with anyone. However now I do enjoy the weekends when the kids go to their fathers.

Em - Im so sorry to hear about your happenings sad.gif. It has been such a rollercoaster ride for you hun.

#43 scary_girl

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 09:51 PM

Just wanted to pop in again - so sorry Em sad.gif I hope you are okay.

I think I will definitely be staying in this thread now - chatted with Mat today and it seems nothing is ever going to change - so it is the end.

Still in a state of shock at the moment.

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#44 **Vanessa**

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 09:54 PM

QUOTE(ellemjaye @ Jun 2 2010, 06:13 PM) View Post


And also I would add to Rosie (again! I'm your stalker!) I get annoyed when my IRL close friends say stuff like "gee I don't know how you cope", when I would much rather them say "gee it must be tough how can I help you cope?"



Me too! or instead of hearing me whinge about not getting anytime to myself, and feeling sorry for me, give me a day you are free to look after her.

My grumpy pants have been removed (Not literally, been a long time since that happened!) as child support is now in my bank account biggrin.gif

MrsSassy, I was trying to think of your username before when I was thinking of other single mums. I remember you as your ex-wedding anniversary was the date of my cancelled wedding. Auspicious Day obviously!

Sorry ScaryGirl. I have not been around so I am not sure what happened. If you want any advice on being pregnant with no partner feel free to pick my brains, same goes for both Lena and Em, as I went through the whole thing alone.
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#45 MegLegs

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Posted 03 June 2010 - 10:33 AM

QUOTE(ellemjaye @ Jun 2 2010, 05:10 PM) View Post

because this thread isn't here to support mums with partners.... for your benefit?

this thread is for single mums to talk with themselves (yes, yes, on a public forum) about the highs and lows of being a single parent, not a parent with a partner who works long hours, or a parent with a partner who doesn't earn much. SINGLE PARENTING IS DIFFERENT.

I'm guessing that you're not lying awake at night wondering if someone will ever love you again?
Guessing that you're not worried about being taken to court about 'custody' of your newborn child?
Also guessing that you're not facing social stigmas everywhere you go about your character, your values, education, bank balance etc because of your relationship status?

MegLegs - there's already support threads for FIFO partners, I'm not going in there to whinge about my life being harder or anything like that. Just saying that having a partner is different from not having a partner and of all people I would think you would know that.


I wasn't at all trying to make this thread open to anyone other than single mothers, so if that's what you took from my posts then I apologise. All I was hoping to achieve was an understanding that whilst single parenting is difficult, there are people out there who, whilst they are not single parents, are in situations that are not easy. Call it sitting on the fence, whatever, but I just read the 'whinging' and felt compelled to say something. I don't want to start anything over it, everyone has a right to vent their frustrations, but I just don't want there to be people who think that they've got it harder than others because that's an unfair assumption to make. That's all.

Having a partner and not having a partner are two VERY different situations, financially, emotionally and physically. It does frustrate me when that line is blurred... often by people who do have a partner. They don't contemplate their future and question their worth in society and it's freaking hard... Up until 2-years ago, I thought that I was doomed for a life full of personal unfullfillment, there's so much more to life than being "Logan's Mummy" - everyone can relate to the loss of their own identity when there's a baby involved, but going it 'alone' just adds a whole other dimension that noone can relate to until they've been through it.

QUOTE(Jazy84 @ Jun 2 2010, 05:31 PM) View Post

Ok, how about what I could bring to the thread.
But thats fine assume away. But I can relate to the issues you mentioned. Your points made.
I wont bother trying to contribute because clearly I'm a partner parent butting in. Good bye.


Well that's a mature approach rolleyes.gif
Unfortunately, this thread does not relate to you - not every thread will so I don't understand your attitude towards this one when you're not questioning your relativity to other threads. Just because your life is SIMILAR to that of a single mother, does not make you one it's just that simple. Not only that, but there is not only a thread, but a section dedicated to your situation - it is a bit disrespectful to expect single mothers to be open to you when you have your own little domain and then you also want to spread out to theirs, when you don't fit. Sorry, but that's just how it is.

I'm not belittling your situation at all, if anything I am sympathetic of those who deal with partners who FIFO, but to expect to be able to come in here and contribute is not fair.
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