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Single Mums Support Thread


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#16 **Vanessa**

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 03:21 PM

QUOTE(ellemjaye @ Jun 2 2010, 12:58 PM) View Post

Count me in smile.gif

I've been a SM since my DS was 2yrs and my DD was 2months.

Just wanted to have a whinge ph34r.gif

If I see this: "I know what it's like because my DH works FIFO, or long hours, or blah blah so I'm practically a single mum myself...." one more time, I may scream!! mad.gif

No that's bullshit. You don't know what it's like at all. GRRRRRRRRRR.

It's like me saying, "oh one day I was really down in the dumps, so I know what's it's like to have PND" dry.gif

Anyhoo I'm not generally pissed off (all the time tongue.gif) but this one really gets my goat!


It annoys me sooo much reading that, yes but you have someone to call for a whinge, someone still comes home to you, someone still freaking pays the bills!

Anyways I have been a bit MIA on here for awhile, the whole benefit thread awhile ago left a very bad taste in my mouth about some of the members on here, and I was questioning why as a single mum I am always on a wedding forum lol.

Most people probably know that I have been single for oh um 3 years now. I am more than comfortable in my singleness.

I love Abbey to death and would never be without her, but I would love some time to myself. I had a day to myself to go to Good Vibes, back in February and I went out for 1 night when I was in Melbourne but other than that it is me, and me alone. Her father, and I use the term very loosely, has never seen her. I am secretly a bit jealous of people that get a weekend off when their child goes to their other parent.

On a positive note I have applied to do remedial massage at TAFE, hopefully starting in July.
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#17 MegLegs

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 03:22 PM

QUOTE(xxEmxx @ Jun 2 2010, 02:16 PM) View Post

Well. It would seem I am here too.

I've done the single parent thing before. But not with an 11 year old, a 19 month old and another on the way.

what the hell am I going to do????


Pm'ing you babe xxx
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#18 MegLegs

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 03:42 PM

QUOTE(**Vanessa** @ Jun 2 2010, 02:51 PM) View Post

It annoys me sooo much reading that, yes but you have someone to call for a whinge, someone still comes home to you, someone still freaking pays the bills!

Anyways I have been a bit MIA on here for awhile, the whole benefit thread awhile ago left a very bad taste in my mouth about some of the members on here, and I was questioning why as a single mum I am always on a wedding forum lol.

Most people probably know that I have been single for oh um 3 years now. I am more than comfortable in my singleness.

I love Abbey to death and would never be without her, but I would love some time to myself. I had a day to myself to go to Good Vibes, back in February and I went out for 1 night when I was in Melbourne but other than that it is me, and me alone. Her father, and I use the term very loosely, has never seen her. I am secretly a bit jealous of people that get a weekend off when their child goes to their other parent.

On a positive note I have applied to do remedial massage at TAFE, hopefully starting in July.


I'm not going to start anything, but I do think that there is a comparison being made here that isn't level. I know it's hard being a 'single' mother as I've been there to some extent, but I also don't think that it's fair to disregard how hard it is for wives out there who have their partners serving our country; not knowing where they are, if they're going to come home and if/when they'll hear from them again. It may not be the same as being a single parent, but it still would be very, very hard emotionally.

Good to hear about your TAFE course hun, remedial massage would be a great skill!! smile.gif
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#19 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 03:52 PM

FWIW

FIFO = fly in fly out job. (not defence force) So they are away for 2 weeks home for 2 weeks, or away for 3 and home for 1, depending their arrangement.
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#20 **Vanessa**

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 04:06 PM

QUOTE(xxEmxx @ Jun 2 2010, 01:52 PM) View Post

FWIW

FIFO = fly in fly out job. (not defence force) So they are away for 2 weeks home for 2 weeks, or away for 3 and home for 1, depending their arrangement.


Exactly, and even if your partner is in the defence force, it still isn't the same as being a single mum. Difficult with its own set of challenges, yes, same, no.
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#21 MegLegs

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 04:09 PM

QUOTE(xxEmxx @ Jun 2 2010, 03:22 PM) View Post

FWIW

FIFO = fly in fly out job. (not defence force) So they are away for 2 weeks home for 2 weeks, or away for 3 and home for 1, depending their arrangement.


Sorry, I should have been a bit more specific in my last post. Long shifts/hours @ work, yeah get over it... but I just have empathy for those who are spending long periods of time away from their partner, as I'm sure you all do too - I just wanted to make sure that there was a clear line between what was being discussed, that's all smile.gif

FIFO families wouldn't be easy either though - A lot of Cameron's mates work in the mines here and it's hard. He's joked about it many times (going to work there) and I'm like 'hell no!' - call me selfish, but I want my man at home in his own bed everynight. Some people do make the comparison that it's like being a single parent, and I'm not saying whether it is, or isn't, but I too don't think that it would be easy.
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#22 **Vanessa**

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 05:02 PM

My ex was FIFO, I loved it, but this was before Abbey, it was like honeymoon week the week they were home. It makes you appreciate them, and vice versa!

I actually couldn't imagine parenting as a couple. I guess because I have always been single I couldn't imagine compromising on what I want for her, KWIM? Also I don't want to justify the amount of money I spend on MCNs for her hehe
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#23 mango

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 05:05 PM

QUOTE(**Vanessa** @ Jun 2 2010, 03:21 PM) View Post

It annoys me sooo much reading that, yes but you have someone to call for a whinge, someone still comes home to you, someone still freaking pays the bills!


not to cause controvesy but I also think this is an unfair statement. I can't see what issues you will raise here as "single mother's" that i can't benefit from. I may not be single but I do all the mothering myself. We get just as much income wise as a single mother, so yes I still have bills to pay on a very tight budget that doesn't quite make the cut, and we live basic lives. I also dont have anyone to call or no where to go when the going gets tough. by the time i get home at 8pm with my son to put him to bed, I'm too exhausted to be social....how does it not compare!



#24 RosiePosie

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 05:06 PM

QUOTE(xxEmxx @ Jun 2 2010, 02:46 PM) View Post

Well. It would seem I am here too.

I've done the single parent thing before. But not with an 11 year old, a 19 month old and another on the way.

what the hell am I going to do????


sad.gif Oh Em, no sad.gif

QUOTE(ellemjaye @ Jun 2 2010, 02:58 PM) View Post

If I see this: "I know what it's like because my DH works FIFO, or long hours, or blah blah so I'm practically a single mum myself...." one more time, I may scream!! mad.gif


Oh yeah, I HATE that too. Having a partner emotionally and financially but just not there in person every day is NOT the same as being a single parent dry.gif

QUOTE
I am secretly a bit jealous of people that get a weekend off when their child goes to their other parent.


I have to say that I sometimes feel 'lucky' to get a break on the weekend when DS goes to his dad's. As ridiculous as it is! So I hear you Vanessa on that one smile.gif I also have a very supportive mum and if I recall from things you've said previously, you don't I think? Must be very difficult sad.gif
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#25 MegLegs

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 05:07 PM

QUOTE(**Vanessa** @ Jun 2 2010, 04:32 PM) View Post

My ex was FIFO, I loved it, but this was before Abbey, it was like honeymoon week the week they were home. It makes you appreciate them, and vice versa!

I actually couldn't imagine parenting as a couple. I guess because I have always been single I couldn't imagine compromising on what I want for her, KWIM? Also I don't want to justify the amount of money I spend on MCNs for her hehe


Ha ha ha, gotta love being able to spend your own $$ without having to justify it! I still justify my spendings to Cameron and he just looks at me like I'm a nutter, force of habit I spose!

RE: The honeymoon period - I reckon I would be the same. I absolutely love my independence - I love my time with the boys too, but I think having that balance of time to yourself and time being a wife/mother/whatever, is important smile.gif Some people are just different; more co-dependent, etc.

Anyway, back to the OP - didn't mean to hijack!!
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#26 RosiePosie

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 05:17 PM

QUOTE(Jazy84 @ Jun 2 2010, 05:05 PM) View Post

not to cause controvesy but I also think this is an unfair statement. I can't see what issues you will raise here as "single mother's" that i can't benefit from. I may not be single but I do all the mothering myself. We get just as much income wise as a single mother, so yes I still have bills to pay on a very tight budget that doesn't quite make the cut, and we live basic lives. I also dont have anyone to call or no where to go when the going gets tough. by the time i get home at 8pm with my son to put him to bed, I'm too exhausted to be social....how does it not compare!


Is this going to turn into another thread where we can't speak freely for fear of not being politically correct to all mothers?

And my bold - there are issues specific to being a single mother, hence the reason for the thread.

Do we need to justify ourselves??
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#27 mango

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 05:25 PM

No just don't see why others should be excluded. I truely do not see what issues you could raise here that I couldn't benefit from.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that from All of the speciallity threads I would most relate to single mums, and I can't see why I need to be excluded because I don't fit the predefined ideal poster.

#28 ellemjaye

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 05:40 PM

QUOTE(Jazy84 @ Jun 2 2010, 05:25 PM) View Post

No just don't see why others should be excluded. I truely do not see what issues you could raise here that I couldn't benefit from.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that from All of the speciallity threads I would most relate to single mums, and I can't see why I need to be excluded because I don't fit the predefined ideal poster.

because this thread isn't here to support mums with partners.... for your benefit?

this thread is for single mums to talk with themselves (yes, yes, on a public forum) about the highs and lows of being a single parent, not a parent with a partner who works long hours, or a parent with a partner who doesn't earn much. SINGLE PARENTING IS DIFFERENT.

I'm guessing that you're not lying awake at night wondering if someone will ever love you again?
Guessing that you're not worried about being taken to court about 'custody' of your newborn child?
Also guessing that you're not facing social stigmas everywhere you go about your character, your values, education, bank balance etc because of your relationship status?

MegLegs - there's already support threads for FIFO partners, I'm not going in there to whinge about my life being harder or anything like that. Just saying that having a partner is different from not having a partner and of all people I would think you would know that.

#29 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 06:00 PM

Being a parent isn't about having a partner to help you out at night.

Parents with partners, have someone to help them make decisions. About how to deal with an issue, decide on their education, etc. Someone to bounce ideas off of in regards to the kids and your lives.

Someone to share the milestones with. Someone who is there to tell you it is going to be ok, or just to here you whinge, when time gets tough.

Whether you see them a lot or not, partnered parents HAVE that.

Single parents don't.

I'm not discrediting mothers with partners who work away, or long hours. I'm not saying it isn't hard. I'm saying it is not the same as single parenting.


There is already a FIFO support thread. Why can't the single mothers have a thread to themselves?
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#30 mango

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Posted 02 June 2010 - 06:01 PM

Ok, how about what I could bring to the thread.
But thats fine assume away. But I can relate to the issues you mentioned. Your points made.
I wont bother trying to contribute because clearly I'm a partner parent butting in. Good bye.




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