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Meeting guys - help, advice needed because I'm a n00b!


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#1 Radar

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 12:18 AM

Hi all;

Ok, well it's been ages now and I think it's time to actually meet someone new. Here's the thing - I have no idea what I'm doing! blush.gif

I married my first ever boyfriend and my ex after that was an old friend who turned out to be kind-of horrible.

I hate the idea of meeting someone at a club because it's all so sleazy and I'm absolutely NOT interested in a one-night-stand...I want someone to share a life with and I don't and never will do hook-ups.

I realise that my extreme idealisms are probably keeping me at arms length from ANY guy ph34r.gif

At the same time I don't want to be played by some jerk just in it for the sex, and I really want someone intelligent that I can actually have a bit of fun and argument on interesting things/decent conversation with.

I've gone back to uni but the issue there is that I apparently look much younger than my actual age and I'm attracting 19-20 year olds. I'm 25 for reference. I have no real issue with a younger guy (my last ex was 18 months my junior) but I am aware that young uni boys may have only one thing on their mind and I honestly want to settle down once-and-for-all.

What do I do? How do you........date? What are the expectations from a potential date? Where do you meet intelligent, attractive twenty-something guys that aren't also assholes? Where did you meet your partner? Urghh I am so embarrassed by this post but help!

Also because it's been ages, here's me now (on the left):
Picture removed tongue.gif

Help I'm totally clueless and too old to be so! wacko.gif

Any hawt Victorian male friends considered laugh.gif



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#2 AK2

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 08:57 AM

I met my husband at church. I'd suggest hanging out in places that share the kind of values that you have- adore kids? Volunteer at somewhere that has kids, and you are more likely to meet men with the same interests.

That being said, I also married my first boyfriend, so I can't say I have massive experience in the dating arena

#3 RachelleK

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 09:27 AM

Good luck babe smile.gif Really hope you can find someone to fulfill everything you are after.

DH and I met at a pub - of all places - during a bikini babe competition!! LMAO!! I wasn't looking for it - was in the "boys are pooh throw rocks at them" stage and like you was just OVER meeting a'holes!!

I'd given up and was hanging out with a bunch of my male besties oogling the girls as well (i wasn't surfing for chicks either laugh.gif )

I truly believe love will strike when and where it wants too! Just take a deep breath and plunge in - you may have to kiss a few frogs though - if you haven't "dated" many people in a while just to figure out what you're really after .

There's nothing wrong with going on a real honest to god date - you know the kind where you meet someone and go out to dinner and chat and then you go home alone biggrin.gif Get to know people and try to not place too much pressure on finding "the one" - gosh your only 25 - go and have F*U*N happy.gif .... can you have fun for me too tongue.gif


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#4 LindyLoo

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 09:40 AM

I suggest joining an activity you enjoy!

I started going to dance classes (Ceroc) which is a cross between salsa and Rock 'n' Roll - fantastic place to meet guys! tongue.gif

If you're not into dancing, you could try sport (mixed netball, squash, tennis etc) or sign up for community college courses (art, languages, cooking - whatever takes your fancy!).

It's all about putting yourself in the way of lots of different people who may have something in common with you. Even if you don't meet the love of your life, you might meet some new friends who could introduce you to "Mr Right".

Good luck - it's going to be fun! biggrin.gif
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#5 mmmmcake

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 10:50 AM

Everyone's experiences will be different.
I tried internet dating, a lot.
Over the course of about 2 years, I went on a few dinner and movie dates (nothing sexual) and I met some absolute horrors, but also some nice guys who just weren't suitable.
It was good because each date gave me more experience.
I gave up though. And then 6 months later I fell in love with a local guy that worked with my dad.
I would suggest giving internet dating a go.
I know a few girls who have met partners off the internet and one of my closest friends has recently signed up and already met a great guy (so far, so good) and she is really happy.
I think the key is to not internet date to expect to meet the man of your dreams, but to give it a go to allow yourself to meet different guys.
Have fun, relax... You are an attractive girl, be confident and be proud. smile.gif
Good luck!

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#6 beachgurl

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 11:10 AM

i did the internet thing too. After 3 years, talking to over 1000 men online and meeting over 100 in person, I met DH. he was an internet geek who worked from home, so didn't get to meet girls at work or out and about. A lot of the guys I met were in the same position, where their jobs did not allow them much opportunity to meet women and they weren't into the pub scene either.

I used to go to RSVP parties. Gave me a bit more confidence with the men and was good to go out with other single girls. I didn't have any single friends so would rock up to the parties early and talk to other girls there on their own and make a good night out of it. You might be a bit young for them but there might be other similar parties you can go to just to get out of the house with other singles.

Meeting so many guys pulled me away from the stereotypes I thought were necessary in a guy and made me realise that guys not in my "perfect man list" were ok too. I think once I had fun rather than going out to meet someone I got more comfortable with being on my own and open to being with someone, rather than needing a partner.

good luck!

#7 la_jeune_mariée

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 11:16 AM

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#8 ellemjaye

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 12:05 PM

QUOTE(la_jeune_mariée @ May 28 2010, 11:16 AM) View Post
I also met him on a Wed night so it wasn't sleazy.

laugh.gif laugh.gif

Sorry Radar, I don't have any advice for you. I'm hoping to just magically stumble across my happily-ever-after laugh.gif

#9 shari

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Posted 28 May 2010 - 12:29 PM

I met my husband at his work (insurance company after my car had been damaged). I had been dating a few guys along the way so had my confidence back after coming out of a 9 year relationship. I made eye contact, smiled and participated in small talk, it all helps.

Like the others have said, you may not meet your future husband first go, but get out there and date. I think it makes you more confident and more open to meeting new people.
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#10 MissMichelle

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Posted 29 May 2010 - 12:56 PM

I met my partner through RSVP. I can't recommend online dating enough.

I think online dating is great because unlike meeting guys in bars who are drunk and only after a one-night-stand I find that most men on RSVP genuinely want a relationship (not all, but a lot more!). Plus, it gives you a chance to find out a bit about the person other than where they like to hang out after work/on a Saturday night.

The good thing about online dating too is that you can chat to someone for a week or so and you don't have to actually see them face-to-face unless you want to. I think this gives you time to chat without any awkward moments because you have a chance to phrase your responses before hitting send. I must have exchanged 50+ emails in the week between meeting my partner on RSVP and meeting him in person. By the time we met, I felt I already knew a lot about him.

I also recommend things like speed dating - a woman I used to work with married someone she met speed dating! I think it's great because you only get a couple of minutes with someone so if it's awkward or there's no spark you get to move on quickly. Plus, I don't think many guys would actually go speed dating unless they genuinely wanted a relationship. I could be wrong, but that's my opinion anyway tongue.gif

I know it's really hard finding someone right for you, in the meantime try not to think about it too much. I spent a year constantly asking myself why it was that I was still single. When I finally gave up asking and actively searching I just put a profile online, left it there and saw who came to me. It was the best thing I ever did wub.gif


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#11 Radar

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Posted 29 May 2010 - 04:45 PM

Thanks girls smile.gif Michelle - how do you find out about speed dating? I wouldn't even know the first place to look to get involved. I might have a look at RSVP too smile.gif



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#12 ♥ Emsie ♥

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Posted 29 May 2010 - 06:31 PM

I met B at a dance class. I was the teacher, and he was the hot new 20 year old student.

Neither of us wanted anything serious, and he was quite vocal about that. We went
out clubbing a few times over a couple of weeks, then after 2 weeks since starting our fling he informed me via text that he was ready to committ and wanted all-in.

I agree with the joining groups with interests that you have, ie cooking, a charity your fond of, book club etc. But don't go in with the hopes of
meeting someone, just plan to have fun and meet new
people. You may not meet mr right at these get togethers, but you could make
some great new friends who may introduce you to him later on
smile.gif

good
luck xxx
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#13 Jane Doe

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Posted 29 May 2010 - 07:27 PM

Your friends would be bound to know single men. Even if they think they are 'unsuitable', its always worth at least an introduction.

Hubbys best mate at the time (M) is my friend's brother, and when hubby used to question M about me, M would tell hubby that I 'would never go for a guy like him' or 'he was punching above his weight' etc. Hubby eventually got M's phone and took down my number, and the rest, they say, is history... And for the record, M couldn't have been more wrong, I was dying to get to know hubby, and I actually think I'm the one punching above my weight with him smile.gif
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#14 Radar

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Posted 30 May 2010 - 03:46 AM

I'm loving all of the input here smile.gif

Also....yay I joined RSVP wub.gif blush.gif

I found this one guy one there who is pretty spunky and also seems awesome, so I've sent him a message, this should be interesting! Wish me luck lol.............eeep! ph34r.gif



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#15 MissMichelle

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Posted 30 May 2010 - 11:54 AM

QUOTE(Radar @ May 29 2010, 04:45 PM) View Post

Thanks girls smile.gif Michelle - how do you find out about speed dating? I wouldn't even know the first place to look to get involved. I might have a look at RSVP too smile.gif


There are different companies around that offer it. If you google "speed dating" you'll find a few different companies - the first one that comes up F--Im--- is apparently good. They also have singles parties but I've never been to one.

Oh! Another thing I found on my quest to find a boyfriend (I said, I spent a year asking why I was single, I did research hehe!) was a personal training company that ran training sessions for fit singles, I think there are a couple of websites, google "singles fitness" and some will pop up. You'd probably want to be pretty fit to do this though, and definitely not embarrassed about being hot and sweaty! tongue.gif

Hope this helps biggrin.gif

Oh I should also add, RSVP is full of a lot of duds. Don't jump on thinking they'll all be winners. There will be the uglies, the desperadoes, the casanovas... but it's like finding a rose amongst the thorns right?

My tips:
- If you have a private profile picture, don't be offended if they ask to see it before saying anything else. The first thing you will want to look at is their picture right?

- Don't go for people who aren't picky. You don't want to think someone is so desperate they have no standards or ideas about what they'd want in a partner! The ideal partner column is there for a reason, we all have some idea what we want and so should they.

- Don't leave people hanging. If someone sends you a kiss and you aren't keen, reply and say you aren't interested.

Hope this helps smile.gif
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