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3 year old separation anxiety


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#1 AJJ

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Posted 12 May 2010 - 04:58 PM

Hi All,

Im after some suggestions hopefully and maybe some " your not the only one"

Jade has just turned 3 and since she was 1 has been going to day care. In the first year going one day a week and was doing really, really well. Then this year she moved up a room which had 15 children and going 2 days a week and started off really well there too. Things went down hill and she started to refuse to go, her sleeping started to become a problem (calling out for me during the night) and she used to sleep so so well.

We started to have issues with another child in that room, which I was told he was not only an issue for Jade but alot of the other children in the room also. Jade was hit and bitten by this child as well. DH and I didnt feel as though enough care was being taken with Jade and we were told by the director that "Jade needs to learn to deal with children like him" Which is fine, I get that. I do however they did not provide me with any sort of incident reports or anything and things just kept happening. SO we moved her to a different center.

At this new center they are LOVELY. Im really happy with them and have no issues there. Jade has been bitten at this center also and had a toy thrown at her and hit her in the head. For both of those, I have been called and had an incident report waiting for me to sign. Jade is always happy when I pick her up from this center will tell me about her day (the other center she was always quiet in the afternoons) and she only has 10 children in this room at there max, but they dont have full numbers as yet.

HOWEVER- Jade since things not seeming right at the first center seems to be suffering from separation anxiety. My dad is the one to normally drop her off except now I drop her off every second Tuesday. Now, she is normally OK when I drop her off. She does go quiet and holds onto my hand and looks down at the ground. One of the carers will normally come and take her and Ill say a quick good bye and leave. However when my dad drops her off. She cries even before they get out the door. Says, "I dont want to go, I want to stay home with my Dexter (our dog), I want my mummy"

My dad is having a hard time with it all. I think he would be quiet happy if I pulled her out and he just cared for her. But I know it wouldnt be the right thing for her.

I'm just wondering if any of you have experienced this? If there is anything I could do to help her want to go and not feel this way.

I will be talking to her carers next week when she goes back. But just wondering if there is someway I could start with Jade now. Because she wakes up in the morning and even says "I dont want to go to Kindy today" (she only goes 2 days a week)

Any thoughts or advice would be great! smile.gif
Princess Jade - Born 28th April 2007

#2 aChocLover

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Posted 12 May 2010 - 09:30 PM

Ahh, we have this also. DD2 is almost 4 sad.gif

We've tried so many things to be honest - we now just try to find the positives for each day that she goes. We also spend a good 15 minutes or so at the kindy settling her in. I find that if there are a couple of little friends willing to play with her immediately, it brightens her up enough to allow me to escape.

Otherwise, one of the carers will take her and they do some "jobs" together.

I think DD2 needs that one-on-one attention to warm up to an environment, even though she should be very familiar with that environment. DD1 was similar but outgrew this and is fairly confident now, even in new situations.

Is it just with going to kindy, or do you see it in other situations (like if you go to a friend's house, an outing etc).

It might also serve well for you to start assisting your DD in standing up for herself. If she feels victimised at kindy and is internalising it, then this might be causing the angst. Perhaps do some role plays where you teach her how to verbalise her concerns/stand up for herself etc.
Good luck!

#3 AJJ

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Posted 13 May 2010 - 01:42 PM

Yeah, see thats also why Im going to have a chat with the carers in her room on Tuesday. Because when I drop her off, I take her over to one of them and give her a quick kiss and say goodbye. Where as unfortunately when my Dad takes her, he says "no one comes near her" and just yesterday he stayed for half an hour pushing her on the swing. So I'm going to ask them if they could go over to Dad when they see him dropping her off and take her.

Jade also does dancing and she goes there alright. But she knows that Im right there waiting for her. So I'm not sure if that makes the difference. Otherwise she is only ocassionaly left with one of our close friends and she does ok there too.

I have spoken to her about standing up for herself. Ive told her to tell anyone that is bothering her to "STOP, I dont like it" and she does it really well with us... but Im not sure she would be brave enough to say it on her own...

Thanks so much for the reply, it helps to know, that we arent the only ones dealing with it
Princess Jade - Born 28th April 2007

#4 Camilla

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Posted 14 May 2010 - 08:48 AM

We have been having a similar thing happen at drop-offs lately too. J won't even get out of the car by himself sometimes. He spends all week saying "bye school, see you in a week school" just incase it is a school day. This week was so different though. I am not sure why but he ran off, found something to play with and came running back to me to show me and then went off again. Not even a goodbye! I was stoked!

We are also getting the waking in the night crying and he is very clingy when I go places. Admittedly the past week has been really tough on our family with doctor's appointments and hospital stays but it all sounds similar.

On a side note, I do find that drops offs with Dad are always much harder. He doesn't seem to be able to take him over to a carer and say bye quickly which makes things worse.
Camilla
C&S 02-11-2002
DS 23-04-2007
DD 09-11-2009

(Angel Baby - Ectopic - 19th December 2005)
(CP - 19th August 2008)




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