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My vent for the day


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#1 SmittenKitten

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 07:55 PM

So sorry for the poor me post again. I just need to write this all down. Went to my obs today. Smallest is perfect. Me on the other hand. Not so perfect. She asked how my anxiety was and I said, "yeah ok, have my moments etc". She then asked my husband how it was and he gave her an honest answer. We talked about my medication and how she does not like it in 3rd tri and how would i cope etc. She is sending me to a psychiatrist who specialised in PND and also in Anxiety/Depression during pregnancy. She also thinks it might not be a bad idea for me to go to a mothers and babies clinic once the baby is born. To help me learn how to cope.

I feel like a failure. mad.gif I feel like I am already a bad mother. sad.gif I know they are only trying to help but I don't like feeling weak. mad.gif

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#2 Monica

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 08:10 PM

Despite what the books say, not everyone just 'gets it' in the beginning. I think most of us could use some extra help, especially given the quick in out policy in a lot of hospitals these days, you can't possibly learn everything in 2 days!.

I know it might make you feel like a failure Beth, but honestly, you should try and see it as a blessing that someone is wanting to help you like this. What you will learn will be invaluable and it will give you the tools to cope just that bit better. Your obs sounds like she is on the money/you trust her right? Well, she is leading you the way she thinks you need to go, for what is best for you, DH and most of all smallest.

Hang in there.

We all have moments of weakness but the trick for me was to accept it and realise I wasn't superwoman and couldn't do it all on my own
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#3 AK2

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 08:22 PM

Fantastic!

I mean, seriously. How well supported are you by a husband who speaks up about what's really going on, who cares enough about you to make that hard choice. A doctor who is prepared to take action now to avoid issues for you & smallest in the future. That's rare.

I know you feel like a failure, but you are not. You are a woman surrounded by love- and such a strong woman. You have come so far and overcome so many hurdles.

Monica above talked a bit about her struggles, and you know what? I think she's a supermum- she cooks all of her baby's food FROM SCRATCH and has given up a well paying job to be a full-time Mum. That's top parenting in my books- and so different from what I'm able to achieve. Does that make me a failure of a mother? Not at all.

We are all going to be good and terrible at different things. Learn what you do best, and get help for the stuff you don't....and that's how we survive this crazy thing called parenting. smile.gif

#4 Monica

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 08:25 PM

You just made me cry Amy, but in a good way wub.gif
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#5 SmittenKitten

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 08:32 PM

Thanks ladies, I know how lucky I am to have the support around me that is trying to get stuff sorted before smallest comes along and I am sooooooo grateful for that. wub.gif To have a husband that knows Im not coping as well is amazing. I am very lucky.

I just felt so helpless and weak after the appt I got into the car and just cried my way home. 2 years ago, I didn't even know what anxiety was. sad.gif
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#6 Em-Jay

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 08:57 PM

QUOTE(SmittenKitten @ May 6 2010, 07:55 PM) View Post

So sorry for the poor me post again. I just need to write this all down. Went to my obs today. Smallest is perfect. Me on the other hand. Not so perfect. She asked how my anxiety was and I said, "yeah ok, have my moments etc". She then asked my husband how it was and he gave her an honest answer. We talked about my medication and how she does not like it in 3rd tri and how would i cope etc. She is sending me to a psychiatrist who specialised in PND and also in Anxiety/Depression during pregnancy. She also thinks it might not be a bad idea for me to go to a mothers and babies clinic once the baby is born. To help me learn how to cope.

I feel like a failure. mad.gif I feel like I am already a bad mother. sad.gif I know they are only trying to help but I don't like feeling weak. mad.gif


No way are you a failure!!

I know that you and I have spoken about this before, but honestly going through anxiety and PND throughout pregnancy and with a baby toddler with NO support was a living hell (If only I'd been diagnosed earlier than 18 months post birth.....).

Looking back, a psychiatrist and M&B clinic would have been so great for me, and I hope that if the same thing should happen this time I would be able to access these things!

Your Hubby sounds great, and from someone who has been where you are right now - my advice is to take each and every bit of support you can get! It can only benefit you and Smallest!! The strongest people are those that recognise that they have problems and take steps to rectify those issues - by accepting this help you are being a FANTASTIC Mummy because you are putting yourself and your wellbeing first, which will directly effect Smallest wub.gif It sounds like it's your anxiety talking, not you, particularly when you mention your 'failure' and 'weakness'......... Not even close hun, not even close.....
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#7 atua

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 09:08 PM

a failure and a weakness would be to not act.

it IS great that you have a husband that understands your triggers and can guage where you are really at - that speaks volumes about your relationship wub.gif

and yes - some meds aren't particularly great in the third tri - james is living proof that meds ARE ok in the third tri and as long as you know the potential (because that's all they are - potential) side effects of your particular meds post birth, having constant monitoring (which sounds like you will be as was i where i was seeing my psych every week plus my GP plus the hospital OB as well) to ensure your dosage is working for you and smallest (the risks for me in terms of elevated cortisol levels in him plus the effect on the others far outweighed the small risks of continuing meds) and it is possible to continue through pregnancy and birth on your meds - it's all a balancing act- i was (and still am) on 100mg a day of zoloft - honestly that was the BEST decision i ever made - no day 3 blues, no crying constantly, no screaming, nothing - completely removed from my previous post birth experiences - he is also the most zen like baby of the lot of them - that could be pure coincidence but i truly believe that they pick up on every emotion we have and by me being calm its flowing through to him as well.

apart from your husband - what support network do you have in place post birth? it's great to say 'go to a clinic to learn to cope' but once those ppl are gone (and trust me as a first timer you might want that as on a 'normal' mat ward often they are so flat out/don't have much of an understanding of mental illness that you can be easily swept aside so from that respect i see why a specialised clinic might be a great idea) what support do you have around you for when things don't go to plan/you have an unexpected attack/it's 3pm and they seem to have not stopped crying all day - that would be my next steps - making sure you DO Have those ppl around you and that you can count on to help you.
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#8 mmmmcake

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 09:09 PM

You're not a failure love.
Your obstetrician just wants you to know all the options available and give you all the assistance you might need once baby comes along.
Considering you have been struggling with anxiety for a while, your doctor is probably concerned that it might be exacerbated once smallest arrives. - This is a only a "might".
It's far better to tackle it head on while you are aware of the problem and to take advantage of all the assistance available to you rather than brush it under the carpet later.
In regards to having your first born, it can be tough for everyone.
We all like to think that we'll have the perfect baby, in the perfect pram with the perfect family.
But in all honesty, everyone struggles (Some more than others - like me for example).
You know what? Lord knows you have so much love for this baby, and the ability to nurture smallest like all good mothers know how.

You're already doing an amazing job.
You know i'm always here! xx

P.S. You've already heard it before, but I might add...
what a great husband you have to identify your current struggles and to want to work with you to fix them.


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#9 WinterBerry

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Posted 06 May 2010 - 09:22 PM

sweetie im so sorry you are feeling like this!

Just think of it like this; imagine you do have trouble coping after smallest is born and you have no idea what help is out there and are completely blinsided by how you feel.

at least now you will be prepared if you are not feeling the best and know exactly what you can do about it. Thats not a position most new mums are in! so in this way you are very lucky (i know it probably doesnt seem like that atm!)

you just need to process this and make sure that you and DH and your mum and your friends talk about it and are prepared beforehand so we can all be there for you is and when you need us!

Please dont ever feel like you are being a bad mum when all you are doing is looking after yourself which is a huge part of being a great mummy!
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#10 **** Sarah and Adam ****

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Posted 07 May 2010 - 12:58 AM

Oh Beth you poor love, suffeing the anxiety is so hard but having a professional recognise it and suggest some management tools is pretty damn confronting. You have a husband who cares very much for you and an obs who is looking after you and bubs. Take the recommendations as a sign for their love and care for you and nothing more or less.

You are not a failure.

#11 Kir23

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Posted 07 May 2010 - 02:48 AM

Beth,

in NO way whatsoever are you a failure... you are doing all the right things and it sounds like you have a great support network.

I have depression and anxiety and i've been on medications throughout this pregnancy, and as Sam said... there are some meds that are okay, and you just have to way up the pros and cons the psych can help you with that (i saw one when i lived in Adelaide and he was AMAZING as he dealt with pregnant women everyday he knew so much about medications and hormones).

I'm here if you ever want to chat.

#12 SmittenKitten

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Posted 07 May 2010 - 02:31 PM

Thanks girls. wub.gif wub.gif

Went to the Psych today and he was very good. Very knowledagale about postnatel disorders and really wants to get methods into place so I don't suffer from anything once the baby is born. I am cutting my dose down more dramatically now, weekly instead of every 3 weeks because he is worried about resperitory (sp?) issues when she is born. He said it might make the withdrawal easier cutting down this way as its not such a high percentage drop.

He is also insisting I stay in hospital for longer to ensure breast feeding is well established and that I am copeing well when I am discharged. He is also sending me to a mothers and baby day program when she is born to help with my anxiety and to also help me cope with any anxieties that creep up. I will also be put on a long term medication that will be much more beneficial then the valium.

He said that I have to be "spoilt rotten" when the baby arrives!! and that I am not to be sleep deprived as that could make anxiety worsen.Thus why he is putting extra support in place. I felt really good after seeing him. Whilst I don't like the idea that I suffer from mental illness, I know that both him, my psychologist and my OBS will give me all the tools I need to be able to beat this and cope well! Next session he wants DH to come! tongue.gif to whilst Dh replied to me, "oh thats good, I like talking!" HAHA! tongue.gif

He said so many interesting things about medications. He told me it might be an idea to go back on the pill after she is born, as it will settle my hormones and lift my mood. He was a wonderful wealth of knowledge and did aknowledge how well I was copeing! biggrin.gif wub.gif

All in all feeling good about it! But in the next lifetime I am coming back as a Psychiatrist! 45min at $330!!!! ohmy.gif
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#13 Em-Jay

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Posted 07 May 2010 - 09:22 PM

I'm glad your appointment went well smile.gif

Your psych sounds lovely, and it seems like you have a stack of options available to you both throughout pregnancy and after Smallest's arrival!!
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