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Anxiety and My lack of bonding.


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#1 SmittenKitten

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 04:42 PM

Hi all,

Just need a little vent if possible. I feel like I can not bond with my baby because I AM SOOOOOOOOOOO petrified that something will happen to her. I love her so much that the thought of something going wrong would distroy me, and then my anxiety takes over and its all I think about. I was half asleep yesterday and had the most awful thought, so awful it made me and still is making me feel disgusted that that thought could come into my head.

I have had awful thoughts early in the pregnancy as well and I am afraid that the universe will punish me by what I thought. sad.gif

Last night was the first night I actually really spoke out aloud to my baby, she is not even going to know my voice...... sad.gif

I dropped my dose of meds a week ago, so I am hoping it is just a bit of that, my OCD is coming back abit and just general anxiety is high.

I love this baby more then anything wub.gif
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#2 Pretty Mrs Kitty

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 05:19 PM

Vent away lovely.

Firstly - your baby will know your voice. She's listened to you speak since the dawn of her time, doesn't matter if you're speaking to her or someone else, she hears you, she knows you, she loves you.

Put those awful thoughts away, you can't unthink them, but you can realise that they cannot hurt you. Thoughts only have power if you let them, Don't Let Them!

Since you're cutting back on your dosage I think you need to discuss with your doctor the affect this is having on you - be honest with your doc, they'll know what to do.

And I want you to keep a diary of all the good things you do and think for this baby every day AND read it! Its easy to focus on the negatives, hard to recall the positives....make it a mission to remember just how great a mum you are being already and will be when your bub is earthside.

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#3 jodie1980

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 05:29 PM

Yeah Beth she will definately know your voice even if you aren't directly speaking to her. A diary is a fantastic idea. Write down all your positive thoughts and when you're feeling a bit down just get it out and read smile.gif You're going to be a great mum, Smallest is very very lucky!

Thinking of you hon

xxxx
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#4 Je suis enceinte!

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 05:43 PM

Honey, your need to protect her and your worry that something night happen ARE all part of bonding. She knows who her mum is, and your body is her home for 9 months, and your arms are her home beyond that. That's bonding in itself.
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#5 MissNic

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 05:48 PM

The other girls are right! Bubs will know who you are, don't you worry about that!

I think everyone has anxiety to some degree that something will go wrong with bubs, a little bit is normal - but if I think you've come off meds you should speak to your doctor about how you're feeling.

And I think the diary idea is fantastic. Use it to lift yourself and think of the good things when you're feeling down.


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#6 **** Sarah and Adam ****

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 07:08 PM

Beth my dear. As the other ladies before me have said, your little one knows everything about you, she knows your heartbeat more then you do, she knows your voice for every emotion you feel - you will provide her instant comfort when she is born because you are her everything!

Secondly, it is quite okay to have fears, even irrational ones. You are aware that yours are quite bad and this means you have all the more power to control them.
The thing si, you have these fears, your need to acknowledge them and then put them to the side. You cannot let them control you, don't let those fears have more power then you and make you think that they will affect your relationship with your baby.
You KNOW that the universe does not strike people down for having fears. And I know you know that deep down otherwise you would not be posting like this, because if the anxiety was controlling you then you would think it was normal and okay. IYKWIM.

So you have this anxiety, now control it. You can do it I know you can!

#7 Em-Jay

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 07:57 PM

Beth, once again you have written word for word what I was feeling during my 1st pregnancy sad.gif I feel a bond with you, because of what you are feeling and experiencing, and although it sucks that it's not under better circumstances - I hope by me sitting here typing, I can help you realise that it can get better, and don't stress yourself out any more than you already are!!

She will know your voice, and she will love you unconditionally because you love her smile.gif I didn't bond with Emily at all during pregnancy or when she was a baby. I didn't feel that overwhelming love and protectionism that people speak of, and I couldn't enjoy her. It's sad, but she is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted 3 year old now and she loves me unconditionally - because despite the hard times, I was always her Mummy, and I always loved her - even if I didn't enjoy or bond with her......
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#8 SmittenKitten

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Posted 14 April 2010 - 08:07 PM

Thanks girls, means alot. I went and got a little journal and I sat in her feeding chair in her room and did some writing about all the positive things and how I won't let my fears take control. It was lovely. wub.gif
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#9 **** Sarah and Adam ****

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 12:55 AM

Good on you Beth that is a great positive step.

For what it is worth I have never spoken to my babies in utero, its just not me! I don't know if it is protecting myself or if it is just because. I did speak to Angus in early labour and I think that was about it! Sitting in the nursery and visualising, reading baby books and writing in my journal were really positive things for me that helped a lot with my emotional wellbeing.

#10 zuzka

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Posted 15 April 2010 - 11:04 AM

Hi Beth, first lots of hugs wub.gif

You are doing great hun, thinking those thoughts doesn't mean that you want them to happen or that they will happen. Thinking that you'll be punished for having bad thoughts is quite irrational, but you know that. That doesn't make you bad mother.
You have already bonded with your baby girl, you love her and will love her forever. She was concieved with love and in loving relationship. She'll know your voice and she'll love you unconditionally. Just think of those times when she kicks you and you think of her and how happy she makes you being in your belly...
I don't speak to my bub, that's not me either...but I know that actions speak louder then words...

It's good to hear that you're feeling better, I think that your anxiety is result of you lowering your meds. You are doing great and your daughter will be proud to have such a strong mother. You're not taking the easy way out, you're fighting this and you have to allow yourself to have a bad moment.
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