Posted 13 February 2010 - 05:51 PM
I had perinatal anxiety from when I found out I was pregnant with Emily, undiagnosed. It was so bad I hardly ate a thing the whole pregnancy (I was that terrified of Listeria - not normal!!) I was super worried about every little thing, I googled everything, I was negative, I expected not to have a normal baby at the end due to all of the things I had done 'wrong'. However on the outside to everybody else I seemed normal! Once she was born it morphed into postnatal anxiety, but strangely had nothing to do with my small little baby! I became agoraphobic and had panic attacks every time I left the house, I continued to eat little to nothing and eventually my weight dropped to 42kg which was when I sought help. I managed to 'recover' without medication (the thought of medication increased my anxiety by about a million times) so my psych and I made a plan that didn't involve it. Over time (alot of time!!!) I recovered and have never felt better in all my life I have gained over 10kg and for the first time in 4 years I am within my healthy weight range, I now remember what it feels like to 'feel weightless, without all the stress and anxiety weighing me down'
Now I am pregnant again, and I am aware now that this may happen again I have had a relatively stressful pregnancy so far with bleeding, cramping and god awful nausea for weeks on end. Despite this I feel nothing like I did when pregnant with Emily I have moments of anxiety, but I know its normal PG anxiety and nothing like I was before.
I guess my question is, does it always come back? If it DOES come back, can it be in a different 'form' to previous battles?
I guess my reason for asking is because last time I was so excited that I told my family and besties straight away at 4 weeks that I was pregnant, and everybody else in the world at 7 weeks. This time I have still not told a sould IRL, even though I am noticeabley showing and my Mum has asked me at least 4 or 5 times. DH tells me we should think about telling people but I feel like I want to protect myself should things go wrong. I keep saying at my 13 week scan, but my brain is thinking "hmmm maybe we could hold off until the 20 week scan and I could just wear really baggy clothes " ummm not going to happen So I guess in my head, I am starting to think, is this PND coming back? Is my reluctance to acknowledge the pregnancy to anybody other than my DH a sign that I am not OK?
My gut is telling me just to monitor my feelings. Loads of people wait until the first trimester is over before telling people, and I have been bleeding for nearly a month so it is understandable to wait I think But all in all I think that I will be super vigilent for the rest of this pregnancy so that if the PND returns I can catch it as soon as possible
Posted 13 February 2010 - 07:15 PM
Posted 14 February 2010 - 07:07 AM
I would agree with Rosita and I think maybe you should touch base with your counsellor, psychologist or something to check in. See where you are at and talk about some strategies about managing any current anxieties that are okay, and at what point they are not okay.
It must be terrifying knowing what battle you had with Em during pregnancy and after to think that you might have to do that again - but if you see someone now you won't have the same problems.
Posted 14 March 2010 - 09:11 PM
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