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Not coping at all.


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#1 ~amie~

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 02:20 PM

i'm typing this through tears so it properly doesn't make any sense but i just have to get it out. I have had vairous degrees of PND with each of my bubs but this time definatly the worst. I feel completely overwhelmed. kayla has a cows milk allergy and so is cryign constantly. noah is 3 1/2 and really pushing me since kayla came along. basically doesn't listen to a word i say. i only moced out to a place of my own the day i went into labour with noah so had no practice in actually looking after myself. so i never taught noah simple things like to wipe his hands after he eats.
i have always seen things like all the kid level marks on the walls as a sign that i'm just no good at this. i feel ashamed whenever people come arond to our house and see what a mess it is. i find it hard to interact with them. i just don't have the motivation. so i am constantly encouraging them to sit and watch tv. kayla either has to be held or rocked in order to stop the crying. i feel like i'm ruining their lives by being their mother. everyone encouraged me to give noah up for adoption when i was pregnant but i was so sure i could do this. i wish i had listened. i honestly wish i had never had kids. i don't knwo what to do anymore. i have talked to my gp and have been on anti depressants for over a year now but they havne't helped that much. have been seeing various councellers ect but also don't seem to help.
had our rental inspection today and the real estate agent called to lay into me about how unexceptable our house was due to the marks on the walls ect. i thought i was doing ok. have been trying to get ontop of things and be more positive. but obviously i am still not good enough. it feels like she has confirmed every bad thing i ever thought about myself. i obviously am not cut out to be a mum.

sorry there is most likely a million spelling mistakes but i can hardly see through the tears right now.



#2 WhiteBlossoms

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 02:23 PM

I'm so sorry. I dont have anything constructive to say... but i couldnt read this and walk away. sad.gif
Sending big big hugs your way.

#3 LindyLoo

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 02:42 PM

Hon - I'm so sorry you're feeling this way.

Don't take anything the RE agent said to heart!

Have you got anyone in real life that you can talk to? Even a GP or a friend or relative?
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#4 AK2

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 03:38 PM

You sound so overwhelmed. I can hear your emotions talking, not your true self.

You are not a bad mother. Hand marks on the walls? Gosh, I've got them (and my RE agent can go and kick herself in the teeth if they think that I'm cleaning my walls every week for their benefit!).

That being said, it sounds like that is what is stressing you out- the fact that you feel not in control. Is there anyway you can get back on top of things, by having someone look after the kids for a few hours while you bltiz it, or even better, have someone blitz it for you while you spending time just bonding with your babies?

I would keep talking to your GP until they get the idea about how bad it is- it sounds likey they are not giving you enough assistance. Also check out the beyondblue website, they have some good tips.

Life is better than this, don't sell yourself & your kids short.

#5 atua

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 04:03 PM

i can only echo the other girls - speak to someone who you feel you can trust (super important as you already know) - you sound completely and utterly overwhelmed and drowning atm and need some practical help and support.

do you have any support you can draw on at all?
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#6 scary_girl

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 08:02 PM

Oh hon sad.gif I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. I'm not sure what else to say but my PM box is always open if you need someone to chat with.

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#7 tastebud

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 08:21 PM

Couldn't read and walk away either, you're doing it rough right now sad.gif

From what I can see you have had 3 children in 3 years, no wonder you are beat!!!

Please cut yourself some slack. I once heard someone describe rearing small children as being akin to camping for a few years. It really is so all-consuming.

I hope you can call in some support from friends, family and perhaps a
counsellor?

Hugs.
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#8 ~amie~

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Posted 10 February 2010 - 09:22 PM

thank you ladies.

just realised that i posted this in the pregnancy section by mistake. Sorry.

Am alot more calm now. Spoke to my close friend who used to work with the real estate agent and she pointed out that this woman is famous for being a complete cow 99.9% of the time. and if worse with tenants who have familes because well no male can be bothered to put up with all her crap. so am trying to remember that her comments were not actually about me. she just happened to pick the one thing i am most sensitive about.

my lovely friend also pointed out that yes there are hand prints on the walls but generally the house is actual clean (or as clean as you can expect with 3 under 3 and 1 who cries most of the day). guess stress and fatigue got the better off me.

am seeing phyc on friday so will talk to her about it as well.

i'm only 22. i just keep trying to imagine my school friends going through the things I go through on a daily basis. i know i am a good mumma, and no one else could possibly love my kids as much as i do. i'm so thankful i have i-do. wub.gif

#9 * MsSassy *

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 06:47 AM

I'm glad you're feeling better Aime. 3 under 3 would be extremely stressful so I can only imagine your frustration. But you know what. You are doing a fantastic job. Three year olds are very tiring. I know my son was a horror at that age. They say two's are terrible...lol

I'm soo amazed at you doing all of this. My hat goes of to you.

#10 SEA

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 05:41 PM

I'm really sorry to hear this, Amie sad.gif

Having three under three would be incredibly tough. Some days I struggle with one. Talking to a psych sounds like a really good idea. I hope it goes well and you start to get some help. Thinking of you x

#11 **Bee**

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Posted 11 February 2010 - 06:03 PM

Amie I am a 22 year old Mum to 2 little girls and I find that hard! How on earth you do it with 3 beats me! You are doing a fantastic job. They are healthy and happy thats what matters!

Some agents are VERY picky when it comes to house inspections. Im sure if she were in your shoes she would be the same way. smile.gif

Hang in there.

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